A letter to new mommas

Dear pregnant/new mom:

I've been thinking about you because I had and still have those same exact feelings of anxiety that you're struggling with before baby arrives. I also struggle with trying to be perfect. In my world, there isn't room for failure. Now that I am a parent, all I seem to do is fail and it's wearing on me.

I don't know if what I am about to say will make a whole lot of sense. I do wish, however, someone had told me these things before now. It's basically a lot of confessing and admitting the downfalls that I have as a person and as a parent.

Lately, the anxiety and the worry about being "good enough" and raising my kids the right way - being kind, with listening ears and obeying hearts - is through the roof. G is at the age where he is testing every possible limit, figuring his own way around his 2 year old world, and learning some hard lessons with lots of tears along the way. On the flip side, he is still the sweetest little kid and I am blessed that he is mine. However, the devil is really at work right now. In church a few Sundays ago, the pastor read a scripture that essentially said demons knew Jesus was the Holy One, Son of God. Satan knows where the links are the weakest in that moment and when to strike.  Praying through fear, praying through weakness has never been easy for me. In my experience, the enemy usually comes at me with a full on assault of my marriage and my self image. Satan knows where God is and he knows when and what to whisper into our desperate ears. He can worm his way into hearts that are desperately trying to overcome fear, desperately wanting to do the right thing, and desperately trying to hold it all together - these are a few of the many examples our world as a parent seem to hang by threads.

I don't say all of that to freak you out. I say it to remind you that God is with you, He is in your marriage, He is a cry out away. And so are your friends and family.

I have a confession: Good parenting is really, really difficult. Keyword here is "good". If it is hard, you're doing something right. I know that sounds crazy and like an oxymoron, but I know it to be true. I can't give you a special formula to get rid of the anxiety or the struggle to be the perfect mom. All I can say is that parenting is an adventure. It is full of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows. It is full of celebration and full of tears. It is the most rewarding job on the planet.

I mainly want you to know that you're not alone. It isn't talked about enough but please remember that there are other moms struggling right along with you and it is okay to reach out and to ask for help. I still don't know how to reach out all the time - to raise the white flag and ask for help. I'm getting there, though. I know that every time I get the courage to confide in someone that I come out feeling not quite as lost or alone. I also know the enemy tries even harder so keep your chin up and your prayers coming! Your spouse will be a major support to you but you'll also find that sometimes you will need a friend or family member to speak truth to you.

The ride is only beginning and I cannot wait for you to see and experience all that God has in store. I'm literally giddy with excitement for you! 

Adult Nightmares

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion. 

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me. 

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.  

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise. 

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow. 

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful  I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man. 

And goodness if this isn't the truth... 

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

God chose you

My husband likes to send me things throughout the day. Sometimes they are funny vine videos or memes or interesting articles. Then there are those times he sends a video or article that catches me off guard and sends me into full on meltdown mode.

He sent me this video today... Grab a tissue mommas

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uyWADizqtHk&feature=youtu.be

Garth Brooks sings "Mom"

What a sweet song! I hope that's the conversation God had with our sweet boy. I hope he always knows that our love for him is endless. 

Something else to take away... You were chosen for your child. So when you think you've got it all wrong, when you feel like nothing your doing is right, or when you feel like you have no idea what to do next... Remember that God made you a momma to your child(ren)...biological or foster or adopted or unofficial or however you're a "parent", God chose you for that person (little or big, brand new or grown). If you're waiting for God to choose you, keep praying.... He has someone or a few little someones lined up for you! 

PS- He is also our instructor and the bible is our instruction book. Oh and Google.... Google is helpful! 

PSS- I think my husband likes to make me cry! 

Have a love filled weekend! 

Exercising

My First Amendment right, that is!

Lots of media attention for the duck dynasty guy, Phil Robertson, lately.

There are a few issues/thoughts here that come to my mind – lots of time in the car road tripping to Disney World produces this kind of blog post (you thought this was going to be about our trip, didn't you??).

· If this was a person of the LGBT community, it would have the same media attention and the premise would still be the same – freedom of speech

· The media portrayal of Phil Robertson is as hypocritical as a black (excuse me, African American) calling a white (oh sorry, Caucasian) person a “racist (insert white slang here)” or visa versa and with other races! A white person (Caucasian) calling a Mexican (Hispanic???) a bad word but yet, the Mexican is the racist? Think about it. How “okay” is it for someone to call someone else hurtful words and stereotype them but yet, the one being ridiculed is the racist and in the wrong? That’s gross. You could argue and say racism is a freedom of speech, sure. Does that make racism ok? In my opinion, no, but others might think differently. Same goes for what Phil said – just because you and your dog don’t agree or do agree, whatever, it doesn't matter! That’s the beauty of the freedom of speech and the world we live in.

· Similarly, I saw a few posts about him being a ‘dumb redneck’… That’s hypocritical and, who are you to say he is a redneck? What the heck is a redneck? You’re no better for calling him names than he is for exercising his right to free speech – say what you want! Arguing his ‘redneckness’ doesn't make you the winner of this debate, just sayin’!

· There was a part of Phil’s conversation with the reporter that was cut off… He says, “we never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ‘em, give ‘em the good news about Jesus – whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ‘em out later, you see what I’m saying?” That is so foundational for any Christian – do not judge, spread the Good News of Jesus, love one another – it’s not rocket science (or Christian Science for that matter)!

· And in case you missed it, here is an official statement from the Robertson family - http://duckcommander.com/news/robertson-family-offical-statement. My favorite part is this – “Phil is a Godly man who follows what the Bible says are the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Going back to point #2 – LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF – do not judge others or blame them based on a stereotype.

· I don’t mean to offend anyone or shove religion down anyone’s throat… that’s not the point. The point is freedom of speech. I have plenty of friends in the LGBT community, several are very good friends of mine, and I would never and have never thought “differently” of them. You want to hear about Disney World? Lots of lesbian and gay couples – everywhere. And we could have cared less. We were there to see Disney world, not spend our time muttering words of hate under our breath. The point is– love your neighbor as yourself, whether or not you’re lesbian, Muslim, gay, purple, Mexican, Hindu, what the heck ever.

· Hey Jack, and another thing – he is human. Have you never said something that caused you to immediately smack yourself on the head and think “why did I just say that?”? I do it all the time, unfortunately. The curse of the blabber mouth. If he had said the comment in point #3 before whatever he said about the LGBT community, the media still would have cut it out. Or, better yet, if he had said it in a slightly different way, what would they have done? They saw an opportunity to exploit someone, so they did it! They feed off all the idiots (including me) who support one side or the other. But, I have a blog and you will listen to what I have to say – Ok? Thanks! Kidding.

· ALSO – FYI – YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ OR LISTEN TO THE CRAP YOU SEE IN THE NEWS! Surprise, surprise – as much of a right as it is to speak freely, it’s also your right to look away and ignore. But thanks for getting to the end of this post!

Just calm the heck down, please?

I like the show, actually. I didn't like the thought of someone throwing us a Duck Dynasty theme wedding shower, but the show is decent. It’s mindless television but a good, moral, clean type of mindless. I don’t like hunting or camo or ducks but it’s someone’s lifestyle and that’s why people watch… we, the human RACE, are obsessed with others’ lives. Tell me you’re not and I will laugh at you because you’re engaged in at least one of the following - you’re reading this, you have a facebook, and/or you watch at least one reality TV show.

Case closed - Happy, happy, happy freedom of speech!

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Extremely long, and incredibly uneventful - kind of

Well, it’s been a while. What’s new?  Nothing really. Life isn’t an amazing race but it isn’t too boring. I am doing things a bit differently and I’ve actually accomplished a resolution or two! Here’s a recap:

1.       I read a book! I know that wasn’t on my “blog version” of resolutions but it’s been on my mind a while. The whole point is that I love movies and I like to read but I don’t get many recommendations. I decided to read the book before seeing the movie since many movies are made from books. “Extremely Loud and Incredible Close” was started January 15^th and finished January 21^st around 5:45pm; just in time for the movie at 8:35. I hadn’t even seen a preview! All in all it was an awesome movie.  The younger crowd at the theater was a bit of a shock.  Not too sure they fully understood.  However, as I write this I realize I am confused. I feel like I misread but surely I didn’t.  That just might be a downfall to reading the book before seeing the movie. Major parts were altered but they both were amazing. I took note of two other ‘book turned movie’ flicks.

2.       Giving second chances – hasn’t been going too well.  May need to revise this one. I am a firm believer in that some people are meant to only be in your life for a time, a season… they serve a purpose and that’s all. Whether or not we know or understand what that reason is, is a whole other story!

3.       Saying “no” to things. I’m finally catching on. Saying “no” doesn’t always mean I am mad or just being a jerk. It simply means I have to do what’s right to protect my heart. Minimizes stress and worry, that’s for sure!

4.       Random thought – I feel lately, due to less blogging (maybe?) that my head fills with thoughts a lot faster. Like I can’t put them into words fast enough.  Some nonsense; some profound.  For example, I had to get this all out right now. The past few weeks I’ve wanted to write about songs, and quotes, and God and now that book. All week I have been wanted to tell how awesome it was and how I related to it. I might revisit number 1.

5.       Traveling – I went to San Angelo! I visited my BFF, K.  We had an awesome time. Even though San Angelo, TX isn’t the most exciting place, it was so great o do a whole lot of nothing. It was really nice to catch up and spend quality time watching the Food Network, HGTV, and Style.  I love my friend.  Being so much at the same point in life with someone is a blessing; knowing someone understands your heart is huge! It’s so great to be there for someone and have them there for you no matter what.  Those are the people, unlike the few in #2, that are ‘lifers’.  I am blessed to have many. So traveling is getting accomplished – just need to plan a big trip soon! But corpus in 2 weeks will be nice – visiting another couple ‘lifers’!

6.       So, I failed one of my resolutions.  Less doctor visits.  Nothing major but I learned my lesson about waiting out any type of pain.  If it hurts or something doesn’t feel right, see a doc! So I did. I am fine. Meds are helpful. However, googling something the day before about issues encountered after an appendectomy totally jinxed me!

So back to the book/movie. Book first.  Book was awesome.  The little boy is incredible. Oskar Schell. Loved him and still think he is real.  If he were, we’d be friends.  I think we are very similar.  In the book, he would ‘invent’ things in his mind – it was his way of dealing with the current situation or how he was feeling. He also did it to take his mind off of things.  He would come up with all these crazy inventions and ideas like pocket extensions, buildings that moved instead of having elevators, incredibly long limos, and everyone having the same heart beat the way women who live together have the same menstrual cycle. He would always have an elaborate idea to answer the question “why” or “how”. In a similar way I use hopes and dreams to deal with things or situations.  Sometimes, and this happens often or more than it should, I can dream up an entire new life.  Maybe that’s why I played with barbies so much and for so long! I dealt/deal with things by way of dream. When things get bad or when I have hope in something or someone – my dreams run away with my reality. This is not always a good thing.

The book had many elements that the movie did not.  However, if it were to contain the exact same content, the movie would be awfully long.  Also, the comedic relief in the book was severely lacking in the movie. The movie gave me ‘heavy boots’. That’s what Oskar would always say in regard to his mood.  He had light or heavy boots. The book was written so well.  To the point.  The love and feeling of the person speaking poured onto the page.  When the child was narrating/speaking, you felt him. Even when it switched to letters written by the grandparents, the words were so heartfelt. The grandma, in the book, would always tell Oskar, “I hope you never think of anyone as much as I think about you” and at first I was confused, but now – I know who I might tell that to one day. My niece, I love that little woman to pieces.

The book was confusing sometimes. But so real. It represented every human emotion so well. I could go on and on about the book.  There were so many thoughts I had at one point.  I loved the ending.  Life is never simple. We all need closure.  Closure is something I think a lot of us struggle with.  It’s a very difficult thing to obtain.  Part of me believes it just happens.  It’s a timing issue.  Some find closure for things way before others.  I also believe the rate in which one finds closure is very situational. 

Few random thoughts before I go

1. I love my job.  Each day is different and exciting and busy.  I am so blessed to be where I am, with the people I am there with.  It’s a great feeling- doing what you love – and knowing it will be like that for many, many years. Very exciting!

2. do you ever think about something and realize that with each thought/inquiry/research attempt, you actually begin to understand less.  What would that be called? Irony? A paradox? A coincidence? Whatever it is, it sucks. It provides an individual with absolutely no closure.

3. All natural, unsweetened cranberry juice sucks

4. I love that I still dream even if those dreams might never come true. Someone has to have hope right? Even if it hurts in the end. For example – me as an amazing bakery chef, a mom, a book critic, a marathon runner, etc.

Have an awesome week. Keep dreaming J we all have a little Oskar Schell in us!

Life Resolutions

Happy new year!

Ok - maybe I'm a little late. Nevertheless, I hope 2012 has started off on the right foot for you!

I originally wrote this, recorded it actually, on my phone on January 1st, technically the 2nd because it was past midnight.  I'm not sure where to begin, there seems to be a lot of room for improvement these days, as far as new year's resolutions go.  What is a New Year's resolution? I feel like I need to italicize or bold or quote the phrase "New Year's resolutions". There, I did all three! But is it simply to lose weight, to eat better, to read a book a week, to know God? What about your own heart? What can He tell you about your own heart?

We spend so much time being criticized by people, society, ourselves. What is good and what is bad; what is right and what is wrong? Who we should talk to and who we shouldn't talk to; who we should be friends with and who we shouldn't be friends with...it's as though high school never ended sometimes. But who cares what others say...what about our person? Do you even like who you are as a person? There have been  SEVERAL moments, more than I can count, when I didn't like who I was or became someone I didn't even recognize.  Not because I was depressed or had a poor self image during these times, but because I realized I wasn't being the best me I could be and should be.

But really, do you like who you are as a person? Would you make you smile? Would you be there for you? Do you take care of you? Would you put you first? Would you LOVE you?

Here are a few resolutions I plan to adopt and maintain. Surely there will be tweeks along the way, possibly with each new year:

- Less hospital visits
- Less doctor visits in general, if possible
- Living a healthy life style
- More time with family and friends
- Traveling more...maybe taking a trip alone somewhere! (I know about 10 people will shake their head at this one)
- Worrying less (and this one)
- Less car accidents (oh man, and this one and the next one!)
- Less cell phone mishaps...Less cell phone, period.
- Making wiser decisions
- Living in the moment so that it can all soak in
- Not focusing on the future TOO MUCH
- Setting goals and reaching them - never becoming complacent or comfortable with what I"ve "done" or "contributed"
- Making plans and following them through
- HA! Not making plans and being more spontaneous
- Making new friends and keeping old ones
- Building authentic and real relationships with people
- Learn to love everyone as though they are family including, but not limited to, the guy on the street corner, a coworker, even a new friend
- Not being afraid to try new things
- Learning how to say no
- Weeding out the negative and focusing on the positive
- Following God's plan, the will for my life
- Don't try to busy myself with "things" but with meaning
- Become filled with the love of God and allow His light to shine through me to others
- Address issues as they arise; don't hold grudges
- Forgive, fix, move on
- Give someone a second or third chance...or fourth or fifth if I believe in them and our relationship (friendship)
-Help other people be better...don't "change" them; enable and empower them to see the true potential they possess
- Walk the walk and talk the talk - in everything I do, believe, and stand for
- Sing karaoke with my BFF
- Send a card. Heck! Get a Hallmark card subscription!
- Call someone because I have 5 minutes
- Be ok with having been let down and know that at some point I've let others down too - minimize let downs!
- Actually being ok with things not going according to "plan"
- Learning how to deal with things when  they don't go "right"
Be the best person you can be.

You only have one thing to work with and that's you; you aren't going to find what you're looking for in other people.  We are all here for a reason. To do something great. Even if no one notices, God does. So for 2012 and beyond, be the best person you know how to be. Be true to yourself and what you believe in. Love you for you. And COUNT EVERY  BLESSING YOU HAVE!!!

Society annoys me sometimes

Preface

 http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/my-married-life-blog-post.aspx?post=79079759-b1ff-4552-9336-e14b385c729d

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/#.TupRyvV33vM.facebook

OK – at first I was sad. Now, I am just plain pissed off.

This is ridiculous. No, not the prevalence of this topic in the news (we all know how reporters can be, beating a dead horse), but rather the fact it’s in the news at all. It’s disheartening for those of us who are still single or not yet married.  Very disheartening.

Are people so afraid to have truthful, completely bare, authentic relationships that they would rather just live in a fantasy world, playing house and cohabitating like it’s no big deal?  In fear that they might get hurt or actually have to committ to something? What happened to Biblical truth? What happened to the institution that is marriage? The perfect union it once was viewed as has been tarnished and down trodden.  I can’t even say specifically who is to blame. We are. Society. We let this happen. We allowed and encouraged people to take up for what is “right” and what is theirs (sounds like another case of Occupy Wall Street). People, becoming so obsessed about “making it on their own” and doing things for their benefit only, are the number one contributing factor to the decline in marriages today. No one is perfect – if you’re waiting on the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long, long time. In my opinion.

It’s not my place to judge you. If you want to live your life and truly feel that living your life means doing everything on your own, that’s your prerogative. It’s just really sad that people are so disconnected these days – from each other, from the world, from families and friends.

On top of all of that – the priority from keeping your marriage in tact above all else has shifted to being all about the children. A very very VERY good friend of mine once told me that whenever I get married that my priority must always remain my husband. She said, and her point is 100% legit, that children will grow up and leave and you will always have the person you started with – your husband or wife. Losing sight of the meaning of marriage, procreating on purpose outside of marriage, living together before marriage or without any regard to marriage – breaks my heart and only leads to the broken hearts of others.

A marriage should be fun. It should be hard work. It’s not meant to be scary or disabling. It’s an emotional struggle. It’s not meant to be a chore. Marriage is so much more than just “living together”.  It should be you and your best friend. The person who loves you for you. Who can make you laugh or push the right button to make you cry. The person who knows your heart, the real you. The person you can do anything with or nothing at all.  Your spouse shouldn’t be the person it is because they make a good living, have a nice fancy job, drive an expensive car, can provide for you in a financial way only, and have good genes to make beautiful babies. Yes, those things are nice and it would be awesome if that’s the way it was but waiting and hoping for something to happen does not mean it’s going to.

God has a plan. He designed marriage for a reason. Marriage is good. It is right. It cannot become obsolete. It should be cherished. We are given all the tools we need to make marriage work.  And if it doesn’t work or hasn’t worked for you, does not mean it’s an all together bad thing.

Still pretty mad. Might write about this again. It just irks me. People can be really selfish sometimes. It’s amazing. I get it if “marriage” isn’t what you want. I know it’s not for everyone. But for the reasons that people are avoiding it, that’s the part I’m upset about. What are people trying to prove or accomplish?

The Evils of Social Media

I googled that exact phrase. Some articles I found defended social media and some ripped any type of credibility to shreds. All I can say is what I feel. You might thoroughly disagree.

Blogging is a type of social media. It is a way to interact indirectly or sometimes directly, with others. There are controls which allow us to limit who can view posts, add their comments, or share a link. Facebook is another, as well as Twitter and LinkedIn and Pinterest and Myspace and goodness knows what else is out there (that I am A-okay with not knowing about).  It can be overwhelming. That’s what I’ve found I’ve been feeling lately, toward social media and networking specifically, overwhelmed.  It is like an emotional rollercoaster – sometimes you are so excited to read about something or hear good news and other times you might find yourself jealous, envious, and cynical. That’s arduous.

So for November, I’ve taken a break from Facebook. I have to admit … I slipped up while in Denver and “checked-in” at the H&M store. But! I am very proud to say I have not browsed around, stalked, or had a single rollercoaster emotion for several days – at least in regard to Facebook. I’m a girl. Rollercoasters, unfortunately, are natural phenomena in everyday life. Hence the reason I am trying to lessen the amount of up’s and down’s in my day!

I am sad to report that I have turned to Pinterest to fulfill my sad addiction that is perusing the endless depths of a social media sight…However, I will now be giving that up as well. Pinterest is just as addicting and overwhelming as Facebook. At first I didn’t think it was. At first I thought it was just people being carefree and posting pictures of things they like or enjoy. At first I viewed it as an outlet for self expression. Then it happened. I started seeing people post pictures of how they hoped to look one day, recipes for all foods “skinny”, pin boards titled “one of these days…” for the girls longing to find Mr. Right, DIY trends that only few people can really pull off, family and baby photographs, etc.

It hit me today. I need to stop looking at these things. They make me long for things, contribute to my fears, and leave me feeling hopeless and empty. The only ones I like to see are the inspirational quotes that help me get through the day or someecards (someecards.com) that make me laugh even when I don’t want to.

Here is to not succumbing to social media pressures to be a certain way, want a certain thing, and envy others. Here is to counting my blessing. Here is to taking it one day at a time. Letting go and letting God. Social media shadows my life too much and inhibits my ability to bear the fruit of the spirit.

Fear of the Unknown - Dun, Dun, Dun!

I am a scaredy cat.


I'm afraid of everything. It is super annoying. Even things I don't want to be afraid of and try not be afraid of, plague me. I'm afraid of dying. I'm afraid of close family and friends dying. I'm afraid of having my heart broken. I'm afraid of pillows over my face. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of judgment day. I'm afraid of quitting. I'm afraid of flying. I'm afraid I won't get the opportunity to experience certain things in life. I am a wimp. That's all there is to it.


Why do we constantly live in fear? All of us. We are all afraid of one thing or another. I might be a total weirdo because I am afraid of so many things.


Lately I've been thinking about all the reasons why I fear these things and ways to overcome them. I really think that, for me at least, I am afraid of the unknown.  I'm not sure how Heaven will be if I die; I don't know how I would cope with someone close to me passing away; I know what a broken heart feels like and I am so afraid of it happening again because, quite frankly, it sucks - not just in the romantical sense of the phrase...I don't know how I will feel when I can't breath because of the pillow; I don't know how I will feel if I break a bone; I don't know what will happen to me on judgment day; I don't know how my employer will take it if I quit; I'm not sure what will happen if I fall out of the sky in an airplane; I don't know the "what if" of an opportunity if I don't take it or miss out on it for one reason or another. 


We facebook, twitter, and blog stalk people just to be "in the know". We thrive to know what's going to happen next. God didn't put us on this earth to be comfortable. Things will always change. We will always have to face a fear of some sort. We will never know what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes, 5 months, or 5 years.


I found a great website that listed some amazing Bible verses that address fear, specifically, and they gave me a lot of hope and new found peace in the unknown.  Faith is one of a few options to overcome fear. I'm not a "get over it" type of person - so - I find ways AROUND it....like reading Bible verses that give me warm fuzzies and allow me to feel safe, even if just for a moment. I hope you find comfort in the unknown. It's a struggle. Imagine how boring life would be if we knew what was going to happen next. Try taking a leap of FAITH - literally - see what happens....I guarantee you won't fall on your face.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.  The Egyptians you see today you will never see again." (Exodus 14:13)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God." (Luke 1:30)

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." (Luke 2:10)

So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can Man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Do not be afraid - Me

#3 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series} - Final

Preface (from the 1st post and 2nd post in the series)- Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one a day until I run out of things to say about them. I have to limit it to one [or two!]  a day so I don’t bore you with my chatter:

Do you catch yourself being cynical? Defensive? Contemptuous? How about slightly jaded from past experiences? Do you hold grudges? Is forgiveness hard? When people tell you to “let it go” do you want to punch them? Maybe not that dramatic, I know, but we all feel this way sometimes. If you don’t, just close your browser window and walk away, go see a counselor, because you’re in denial. (kidding)

“Change your thoughts and you’ll change the world”

YOUR thoughts, not someone else’s. You WILL change the world. I am guilty of assuming the person on the street corner is an alcoholic or druggie. I read a friend’s blog that talked about how her and her husband befriended a homeless couple (read about it here) and it really convicted me. Not all things are as they appear. Not all governmental figures are bad. Not all evangelists are in it for the money. Not all house wives are spoiled rotten. Not all clearance items at the mall are great deals. Changing the way we think, changes the way we interact with others, encourages and inspires positivity, and thus, can possibly change the world at a miniscule level or gargantuan level. The next poster, wall hanging, décor item is an excellent embellishment and compliment to this one; in other words, it completes my thought.

  

The other morning I performed a random act of kindness.

I was really early to work. Hungry, I decided to make a drive-thru run (VERY out of the ordinary for me) but I couldn’t help but think how good an egg and cheese taco sounded! I think I felt bad going through the drive through, first of all, and then realized I should probably bring some for my office. I would like to consider myself the taco fairy.

Yes, it was only tacos – but do you know how many “thank you’s” I received? Sometimes a taco goes a long way. I’m not a saint, just a taco fairy!

I remember in elementary school they were always talking about random acts of kindness. I couldn’t agree more, with the importance and effect said acts can have on a person, a family, a life, a city, a country, our world. Just like big gifts come in small packages, small acts can have a far-reaching, profound, and contagious effect on our lives. Movies like Babel and Crash always make me realize how we are all connected in some way. Surely you’ve received an act of kindness within the past week, pay it forward today. Set a goal – perform one act a week, then bump it up to twice a week, then maybe small acts every day.

See how you feel. Keep the cycle going. Change the world.

#1 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series}

Preface - Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one or two a day until I run out of things to say about them!

 

Oh Steve Jobs – how you have inspired so many. I don’t know of his religious preference but in my book, the Good Book, we are told that nothing we stockpile up here on earth is ever going anywhere after this life. Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish. I wouldn’t say endorsing foolishness is the wisest advice, but have fun with life. Don’t torment yourself with stress and anxiety (yes, I need to take my own advice). Do something fun and for yourself at least once a day. Do something you ENJOY with people you LOVE once a week. Never pass a moment you have of free time to call someone you miss or have been meaning to catch up with. Please, dear friends, don’t EVER take a job for the security or money – even if it means you’re a bit hungrier. It’s a good weight loss tactic!

Live the life you were meant to live. Find joy in everything – even the way your dog might lick you all over after a sweaty workout. It’s the little things in life that count. Try not to take things for granted. If there is a shoulda, coulda, woulda statement coming out of your mouth daily, make it happen, get over it, or find a way around it. My PALS teacher in high school always said “don’t b***h about things, do something about them”. No, not the most appropriate sentiment to leave 16, 17 and 18 year olds with but, the woman got things done! If you’re out of place, pray about it. Ask and you shall receive. God answers prayers on His time so show patience. We are all on a journey. At the end of our journey no one is going to ask how your stock portfolio looks, what you retired with, how many cars you have, what licenses and certifications you retained – people will comment on your heart, your soul, your being, your faith in God, your friendship, your love. Just keep on keepin’ on.


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sale away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails, explore, dream, discover" - Mark Twain

The Steve Jobs' quote inspired my thoughts further on this piece. This poster caught my attention initially because of the reference to a flower. I’m a girl. I’m girly. I like flowers. Not too difficult. However, after I realized what it said, did I become intrigued. It’s a simple thought. Not too overly complex, complicated, or convoluted. Straight and simple and to the point. What is a miracle? Most wouldn’t consider a single flower a miracle but just THINK about it. How awesome is the process of a plant - a budding flower morphing into a beautiful and picturesque object that is on the earth for our enjoyment? How intricate our world has become even though it is full of tiny miracles. Our whole life would change if we understood, enjoyed, comprehended, loved, confided in the miracles around us. How? Personally, maybe I would be less over dramatic, more go with the flow. Maybe I wouldn’t stress quite as much or worry about things I cannot change or control. Maybe I would laugh more, stay up later, take things for granted less.  How would your life be changed if you could see and know the miracle of a single flower clearly?

Straight vs. Snaggletooth

If you need to justify your own or other peoples’ crooked teeth by creating a trend out of it, then you are in serious need of help. Yes, I just saw an article on MSN’s homepage (my go-to source for all the latest happenings in the world, and my homepage that I, apparently, am not allowed to change – company idiosyncrasy) that read “Are Crooked Teeth the Next Big Beauty Trend?”.  Really? So because Kate Moss has slightly crooked teeth, we all should? No. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my teeth aren’t perfect by any means. Shoot, this isn’t even about TEETH or how straight or snaggletooth you may be. It’s the principle of the matter, people.

Why do we have trends? What is a trend? Is trending the hot, new thing? Aren’t we all individuals, equally and uniquely made? Why does an imperfection need to be a trend? Are we that shallow? Are we that insecure that we have to expose our slight “flaws” (better referred to as “differences” or “character traits”) in order to make ourselves feel better?

Toddlers and Tiara’s – perfect example (ok, maybe not perfect) – those poor, little, sweet, overly shiny tots are a conformity waiting to happen. Yes, they are cute and they might have fun, but those moms are NUTS.  And yes, we might dress our kids up (for the record, no kids here!) and snap a picture or two but this show is extreme and they are exploiting these little girls to an immoral level.  They even give the girls fake teeth to put in since they are losing them left and right! Getting off my soap box now.

Where is the love? I am not perfect. My family isn’t perfect, but I love them and they love me. Don’t succumb to trends. Don’t drink coffee at Starbucks because everyone else does, do it if you like it. Don’t dress a certain way to fit in, unless that’s truly your style. Don’t eat a certain thing, like sushi, because it’s a hot topic, especially if you really hate raw fish! Don’t change yourself to fall into a trend (example – frizz out your hair just because that’s “in”). Being different and unique is what makes you, you. Those are the things, the crooked teeth, frizzy hair, curves, funny looking toes (will explain), that make you stand out above the rest. The less conforming you do, the more true to yourself you are.  I guarantee you will be ten million times happier in life, too!

Side note – yes, I have funny toes. One is shorter than the other, the “middle” toe on both feet, to be exact. Of course I get made fun of, but I don’t mind, because, to be totally honest, I love my little toe.  You should love your distinctive qualities, too!

PS - LET'S GO RANGERS!!! C'MON NOW!!!

Be still people!

Last night I went to a community worship service, and during that time I took a note, yes on my cell phone so it looked like I was texting, of the verse Psalm 46:10. I had forgotten about that verse! How ironic is it that Psalm 46:10 was one of the first bible verses I ever memorized? Ironic not because it’s a very short verse, give me some credit here, but because of what it says and how I am. Psalm 46:10 says –

Be still. What in the world does that mean? I can hardly sit still long enough to think about it! I don’t know how to be still. Ask anyone. The only thing I can sit through is a movie and sometimes church, but I normally have to get up and go to the bathroom at least once! But does being still mean being physically immobile? What about the cell phone ringing? The dog barking? The radio blaring? What about a broken heart? What about sadness? What about all the other distractions and thoughts one has in a day? What about the awesome Texas Ranger’s game?!

Being still is not just about being motionless, stationary. Being still is quieting our hearts and our minds, stopping whatever it is that makes us all so daggum busy, forcing ourselves to slow down, to escape from this thing we are doing day in and day out (living life). Being still is turning over our heartaches and racing thoughts over to God. That’s where the second part of the verse comes in handy.

“…And know that I am God”

Can we, the human race, conceive of how big He is? I can’t. Half the time I think I am God, that I can do it all, that when I fail it’s just the Devil trying to stop me, not God, or some other outlandish excuse to get around doing His will.

I had to stop writing for a moment believe it or not! I can’t describe God’s greatness. I can’t describe how to know God. There isn’t a book or verse that can encompass all that He is, was, and will be. We have faith in Him. We know He is there. We feel his presence….when we are still.  Readers, a few things from the past year have taught me these things and these things are all I have to offer you:

When life comes at you fast – be still and know He is God.

When you feel like letting go – be still, let Him take your hand

When it seems all is lost – be still, and know that He is everything and he will never leave you

When you’re faced with a difficult decision and know you instantly made the wrong choice – be still, He is there, comforting you

When you find yourself on your knees and have no idea what else to do but cry – be still, He is wiping your tears and healing your heart

When it seems like no one understands – be still, and know that He gets it and it was all part of His plan no matter how messed up it seems to be

When you’re blessed beyond belief, filled with happiness, surrounded by loved ones, financially stable, and living the dream – be still…understand, be thankful, and know that He is God.

In everything, at every stage of life, in all situations take ten minutes to be still…even if it means taking a bubble bath! Close your eyes, let go of all the good, bad, and ugly inside your heart and your mind, and know that He is God.  Yes, I need to take my own advice!

'Occupy' what? and Taco Salad...

Sometimes I wish I was more in tune with political party positions and the protests they seem to be hosting. This new wave of "Occupy Wall Street' protests has actually gone nationwide! I asked a coworker about them, thinking we (they) were all relatively the same, and they aren't. Tea party people want one thing and left wing people want another and all I want is for our country to go back to some sort of normalcy - whatever that is.

Union workers, teachers, CEO's, banks, Wall Street, Fortune 500 companies, etc - all want a piece of the pie. Is it not obvious that if we all gave up a little for the greater good, there would be less protesting and more partying (maybe)? It seems that the solutions to root issues our country is facing shouldn't require the entire government, full of economic geniuses and rocket scientists, to figure it out. Shoot - Dave Ramsey worked for me! I know that's an ignorant comment for all of you political guru's, BUT REALLY - the country is in debt, people are in debt, companies are going under, some are getting bailed out, and yes, it's not fair, but we have to have hope that our leaders know what they are doing. Or we all just have to hold on until the next election. But really - one man cannot change our situation. It has to be a collective effort. I'm not taking sides, just stating the obvious.

I thought this was an interesting letter - I read it on a friend's facebook wall. It's an "Official Statement from Occupy Wall Street" voted on and approved by the general assembly of protesters at Liberty Square. I cut some of it out but left the main points. It was pretty lengthy.

"Declaration of the Occupation of New York City"

"As we gather together in solidarity to express a feeling of mass injustice, we must not lose sight of what brought us together. We write so that all people who feel wronged by the corporate forces of the world can know that we are your allies.

As one people, united, we acknowledge the reality: that the future of the human race requires the cooperation of its members; that our system must protect our rights, and upon corruption of that system, it is up to the individuals to protect their own rights, and those of their neighbors; that a democratic government derives its just power from the people, but corporations do not seek consent to extract wealth from the people and the Earth; and that no true democracy is attainable when the process is determined by economic power. We come to you at a time when corporations, which place profit over people, self-interest over justice and oppression over equality, run our governments. We have peacably assembled here, as is our right, to let these facts be known.

They have taken our houses through an illegal foreclosure process, despite not having the original mortgage.

They have taken bailouts from taxpayers with impunity, and continue to give Executives exorbitant bonuses.

They have perpetuated inequality and discrimination in the workplace based on age, the color of one's skin, sex, gender identity and sexual orientation.

....undermined the farming system through monopolization....have profited off of the torture, confinement, and cruel treatment of countless nonhuman animals....have continuously sought to strip employees of the right to negotiate for better pay and safer working conditions.

....have held students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education...used outsourcing as leverage to cut workers' healthcare and pay.... have influenced the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of the culpability or responsibility.

They have spent millions....have used the military and police force to prevent freedom of the press....have declined to recall faulty products....determine economic policy....have donated large sums of money to politicians....block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil....block generic forms of medicine that could save lives in order to protect investments... covered up oil spills, accidents, faulty bookkeeping...

They purposefully keep people misinformed and fearful through their control of the media... 

We, the New York City General Assembly occupying Wall Street in Liberty Square, urge you to assert your power." THE END

  

What do you think? Are you going to occupy a public space now? Change your bank accounts from a Chase, Wells Fargo, BofA, or another and go to a credit union or local bank? Are you going to stand with a sign to fight injustice?

In other news - last night I made the tastiest, fanciest taco salad ever. It was a tid-bit spicy, being the weenie I am on the spice spectrum - but DELICIOUS other than that! Oh, and my Rangers won. Sad I missed the game but glad we pulled out a W (dub-ya). That's as exciting as my life gets!

Have a great weekend!!!!

The Real Reason

Friends. I guess the reason I started this lovely blog is because I write a lot to sort through my thoughts. Sometimes, very rarely, I have a profound thought or two that I want to share. Writing things down has always been an outlet, a way to express myself. That is why I love TEXTING! I can be passive aggressive with my own words without ever having to open my mouth! It's perfect! Just kidding...kind of?

If you know me, you know I like to talk. I could talk all day. I could probably blog all day. But I have this thing called a job. And, well, even though said job does not keep me nearly busy enough, I probably shouldn't blog all day. I might take up the entire internet with my extremely intelligent and thought provoking statements - I wouldn't want to do that, now would I? There are enough of people's opinions floating around these days without my nonsense.

I will try....key word - try.... to keep my opinion sharing to a minimum but c'mon PEOPLE this is my blog after all. If you don't like it, start your own :) I do, however, think that blogging is going to be good for me. There might be sappy postings, thoughtful postings, religious postings, crafting postings, or just "life's crap" postings. If I ever had to move to a far away land for goodness knows why, you would be able to keep up with me - now isn't that something?! The power of technology. Amazing.

I'm not moving anywhere far away - for the record.

Oh and there might be more than one posting a day...did I mention my job does not keep me nearly busy enough. I need stimuli (plural - I think). I am not an English major, but I try!

Maybe I should have been an English major. Maybe I should have done a lot of things differently. Truth is I am pretty happy. Yes, there are things I would LOVE to change but I know I am here for a reason. My Christian counselor I used to see back in Dallas reminded me that I should have an "eternal prospective" (this could be a blog topic!). Philippians 1:18-26 is pretty sweet. Paul is awesome. I am here as the body of Christ and will leave having done His will - whether my stubborn behind likes it or not!

Do you have 'eternal prospective'? Just wondering.....

PS - you can comment or email me. It will just give me that much more to do! XOXO