Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

Over it.

I've read one too many articles about stay at home moms (SAHMs) versus working outside the home moms. 

It truly is ridiculous some of the things that are thrown around as truth. 

Here's some truth for you... We all work hard, we all are doing the best we can in our situation, we are all making sacrifices every day! 

Do you think you deserve to be held up on a pedestal because you're a mom?? Is that what you thought you signed up for when you got pregnant? Do you feel entitled? 

News flash!!! No one gets a gold star or medal. Your sacrifices are part of the territory- whether you stay home or work outside the home. I learned that real quick. You sacrifice so much for your little(s) and husband... Your family. 

Think of the proverbs 31 woman- look how much she did for her household! She had a servants heart, contributed to her household (whether she had a job or stayed home) in so many ways, was her husband's biggest fan and support system, she was logical and methodical and was the foundation of her household. 

Did you think it was going to be a cake walk? Do you think God gave you more than you deserve? Wrong! You're in the exact place He wants you. 

Being a mom is hard work. Period. End of story. You don't get to breeze by "Go" or collect $200 just because. This isn't monopoly and you probably don't live on Park Place Ave. 

Get with the program... Dig down deep into that servants heart of yours... Pray for clarity and understanding in your situation and know that where you are, is exactly where God wants you. You're not better than anyone else in any situation. You do you, and no one else. 

You're a rockstar momma!! 

Society annoys me sometimes

Preface

 http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/my-married-life-blog-post.aspx?post=79079759-b1ff-4552-9336-e14b385c729d

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/#.TupRyvV33vM.facebook

OK – at first I was sad. Now, I am just plain pissed off.

This is ridiculous. No, not the prevalence of this topic in the news (we all know how reporters can be, beating a dead horse), but rather the fact it’s in the news at all. It’s disheartening for those of us who are still single or not yet married.  Very disheartening.

Are people so afraid to have truthful, completely bare, authentic relationships that they would rather just live in a fantasy world, playing house and cohabitating like it’s no big deal?  In fear that they might get hurt or actually have to committ to something? What happened to Biblical truth? What happened to the institution that is marriage? The perfect union it once was viewed as has been tarnished and down trodden.  I can’t even say specifically who is to blame. We are. Society. We let this happen. We allowed and encouraged people to take up for what is “right” and what is theirs (sounds like another case of Occupy Wall Street). People, becoming so obsessed about “making it on their own” and doing things for their benefit only, are the number one contributing factor to the decline in marriages today. No one is perfect – if you’re waiting on the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long, long time. In my opinion.

It’s not my place to judge you. If you want to live your life and truly feel that living your life means doing everything on your own, that’s your prerogative. It’s just really sad that people are so disconnected these days – from each other, from the world, from families and friends.

On top of all of that – the priority from keeping your marriage in tact above all else has shifted to being all about the children. A very very VERY good friend of mine once told me that whenever I get married that my priority must always remain my husband. She said, and her point is 100% legit, that children will grow up and leave and you will always have the person you started with – your husband or wife. Losing sight of the meaning of marriage, procreating on purpose outside of marriage, living together before marriage or without any regard to marriage – breaks my heart and only leads to the broken hearts of others.

A marriage should be fun. It should be hard work. It’s not meant to be scary or disabling. It’s an emotional struggle. It’s not meant to be a chore. Marriage is so much more than just “living together”.  It should be you and your best friend. The person who loves you for you. Who can make you laugh or push the right button to make you cry. The person who knows your heart, the real you. The person you can do anything with or nothing at all.  Your spouse shouldn’t be the person it is because they make a good living, have a nice fancy job, drive an expensive car, can provide for you in a financial way only, and have good genes to make beautiful babies. Yes, those things are nice and it would be awesome if that’s the way it was but waiting and hoping for something to happen does not mean it’s going to.

God has a plan. He designed marriage for a reason. Marriage is good. It is right. It cannot become obsolete. It should be cherished. We are given all the tools we need to make marriage work.  And if it doesn’t work or hasn’t worked for you, does not mean it’s an all together bad thing.

Still pretty mad. Might write about this again. It just irks me. People can be really selfish sometimes. It’s amazing. I get it if “marriage” isn’t what you want. I know it’s not for everyone. But for the reasons that people are avoiding it, that’s the part I’m upset about. What are people trying to prove or accomplish?

Fellow Young People

Disclaimer: I am not a major theologian. I am not claiming to be. I don't even WANT to be. I just had a thought and went with it. This was not intended to offend anyone. If you disagree with me, fine. I am truly going off feeling and feeling alone. With that being said........

It has come to my attention that there are very few Christian Marriage Retreats aimed at young people. RANDOM - I know. Not even just marriage retreats. Heck, forget the "being married" part all together. There are very few Christian Retreats aimed at the development of young people for marriage, if that is a person's calling.

My point - everyone is all hyped up about the "death of marriage" and that over 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce. Ok - Christian, Catholic, Faith-based, whatever. The fact is - marriage is a dying art, not sure if that is an appropriate comparison but ANYWAYS....why in Bob's name, are there marriage retreats, after rebuilding marriage bible studies, after 'Weekend to Remember' events, after “Focus on the Family” affairs, after another - all aimed at OLDER (not OLD, older) people? Those who have been married for years and years. Why? I mean, I get it. I do. Empty nest syndrome. Those who are getting the '7-year itch' (which has turned into the '2 year itch' it seems).

And is the Church really stooping to the level of marketing their organization and religious affiliation by claiming "life-long marriages only last when the couple goes to church" - ? Are they really doing that? Yes. People should go to Church if they want. However, doesn't church mean where there is a group of people gathering in God's name? This is a hot topic- I'm sure. Again - not a serious Bible thumper but isn't there a verse that talks about this? I will find it later. I only say this because the “church” building cannot save marriages – people and God and Biblical truth save marriages, relationships, families, homes, friendships...etc.

I love this statement from Ken Ham, "...those who read the Bible seriously and without compromise put their faith as a much higher priority in their lives. As a result, they lead very different lives, to include some of the lowest divorce rates in the country, well below the atheists, agnostics, and general public. Interestingly, those who profess faith in Jesus Christ but not in what the Bible teaches appear little different than the rest of the world"

It's not about going to church, saying you’re a Christian and being 'good'. It's about the real, nitty gritty of the Faith, what the Bible says and commands of us, Christians, that distinguishes a successful marriage from an unsuccessful marriage. If you and your partner have the same priority, which is God, and truly follow the Bible and all it has in store for you, your marriage should be successful. The Bible is our handbook.

This brings me back to my original point - young people! Why are there SO MANY dagum retreats and workshops and bible studies aimed at those who are already married and NOT SO MANY dagum retreats and workshops and bible studies aimed at those who are on their way to be married or would like to be some day????

Beth Moore does a good job in her Esther study - well to me at least - of showing us how Women should be, according to the Bible. But, in my opinion, I feel like the dudes of the world need to know their role as well as the Woman's role in a relationship, life, whatever. Both sides should understand and attempt to familiarize themselves with the inner and outer workings of the opposite sex's brain, heart, and soul! So, here is my proposition. We need to find or make or orchestrate one of these events. We need elders, wise, older people, those with testimony and expertise in regard to gender roles, and a really good, YOUNG advertising and marketing guru.

We need to break the cycle. Yes, repairing broken marriages is awesome and I am all for it. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it is to watch your parents’ divorce. But think about it, what do young married couples do when disaster strikes? They turn to what they know best – whether that is television or other couples they know who might have good marriages or might not. We need to fix what’s been broken….but we need to go to the source, the beginning, the roots and foundational layer of a relationship. For some people, that might be when they are still dating, when they are single, or when they are one week from saying “I do”.  Young people need to be equipped with what “real faith” means and what their role is according to the Bible, (obviously adapted to present day society because I don’t know about you, but I can’t be as submissive as I am probably supposed to be), all while understanding their partner’s (opposite sex’s) role. It’s about accountability, and not because I’m an accountant. I think many would be surprised by the oodles of young people, soon to be college graduates, and real-world newbies who are dying to know their role and who, like me, are fixated on gender roles but who need to know Biblical truth.

Side note - here is the verse I was looking for earlier: Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Ok – I’m done. Now, let’s do something…please???