Wiser, just not older

I’ve wanted to write something like this for so many YEARS but never had the courage. I was once a 20- something with goals of being the CEO, helping to grow teams of people and an organization that was “going places”. Maybe it’s because I’m 31 now, clearly not a 20-Something. Maybe it’s because my life looks SO different than what I imagined and I’m loving this season and definitely believe God knows what He is doing. Maybe it’s because I don’t work at the place where a lot of these thoughts stem from. I have hesitated because I didn’t want to come off as disgruntled, though there is surely room for that, or immature, because that’s  the exact image I’m fighting against. 

I have worked (paid, unpaid, along side friends and family, as a volunteer, etc) with so many different types of people. Amazing people, despite differences. Younger people. Older people. People from all cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life. 

You have too, I’m sure! 

I have to say though, the people I enjoy being around and working with most are those who genuinely value me, my opinions and ideas, and who know my worth even more than I do.  Not just bosses or leaders that I’ve come to admire and respect, but certain peers as well. 

This isn’t to make myself feel better. No, this is for all those “other” people. Those people who look at the age of a person, their seemingly “limited” experience, even the way someone looks, and let’s not forget the gender factor. I’ve caught myself, one way or another, apologizing for my age, for my lack of experience in whatever the person was looking for, for the fact that I look even younger than my actual 20-Something age, and even for the fact that ... yep, I’m a woman. 

Crazy, right? I agree. 

What’s even more absurd is the fact that I’ve ever, EVER even felt the need to feel apologetic about those things. There were so many good ideas missed and passed over because of those few things mentioned above. So for the “others” here is some advice, culminating from YEARS of being passed over:

First and foremost, don’t EVER pass someone over based on their age, looks, gender, or past experience. Organizations are not “good ole boy” clubs. If you’re younger, remember who gave you a shot and keep in mind that they’re the reason you’re even in the position you’re in. If millinnials annoy you because they seem to only complain, maybe you’re just not listening or maybe you’re not helping them understand. If your allegiance is to a group of people who don’t embrace change, are afraid of and intimidated by younger people with less experience, and/or who don’t have a growth mindset and you’re too feeble to invite others in to that group, you’re going to struggle. If your job is to generate growth then you better learn to embrace trials, errors, ideas, opinions and change. Your greatest asset will be listening to your team and empowering individuals - from the receptionist to the CEO - so learn how to do that, quickly. 

If you see a spark in someone, cultivate it! Don’t put it out because they intimidate you and because you have the power to do so. Embrace and mentor them. Guide them. Love them. 

All this to say, you will suffer, whatever it is you’re working towards will suffer and so will the person you’re scrutinizing, if you don’t get some awareness, stat. It will take that person a lot of rejection and heartbreak to learn that, it wasn’t them. Unfortunately for the firecracker that got away, you and others like you, or the entire organization just weren’t ready for them, yet. 

I have a new perspective now. I sit behind a desk for less than a few hours a day, and when I’m there, my view is that of a playroom of toys scattered around. What I am certain of, though, is that my experience has only made me better, wiser, some may say more intimidating, but I’ll be damned if I’m not more proud of myself than ever. I am surrounded by people who seek me, my experience, advice and/or opinions and my tenacity. 

I’m so thankful for my spark. 

Colic Shmolic

Once our daughter was diagnosed with silent reflux, ie. the silent parent killer...kidding... I got to work on ways to try to help her before resorting to meds. We aren't for or against vaccines or meds but, she was SO little and giving a baby strong steroids was really not ideal for us or my conscience. I've written this out for so many friends and family, I thought it was time to just post it!

First things first, if anyone tells you that your baby has colic, as if it's just a thing that happens and there is nothing you can do about it - shame on them and keep looking for answers. Babies cry for a REASON. They wake up in the night screaming for a REASON. It is not normal or acceptable, it is absolutely not your fault, and I highly encourage you to SEEK HELP, RESEARCH, and ASK QUESTIONS.

After visiting with doctors, scouring the internet, meeting with a certified lactation consultant - here is a run down of all I know now and ALL.THE.THINGS we did to help - either that or she outgrew it! Which is kind of fantastic, too. I've also attached links to the products purchased below.

1. I know this sounds obvious but, you'd be surprised (I mean, have you read some of these mom group questions? You know what I'm talking about) - eliminate anything that makes your tummy rumble like foods, drinks or vitamins high in fiber. In fact, if nursing, I would eliminate all of that from the beginning - including all dairy and coffee and coke (any diuretics and caffeinated products).

2. I found, during our research, that babies who aren’t fully developed often have this issue - though a LOT of full term/larger and older babies have it, too. They either don’t have a proper flap (I'm not a doctor so bare with me, the thing attached to their esophagus that can cause hiccups!) so any milk intake can come up and it can burn! Also, their tummy and digestive system may not produce enough cell salt (a natural tums/antacid). You can help both of these and hopefully, eventually, God-willing baby will outgrow it (that’s some good news). Cell salt used and regimen followed is below.

3. When nursing - this was INCREDIBLY helpful to know - your milk sacs are made up of things like grapes. So when you squeeze a grape, juice comes out and then there is the gooey stuff attached to the grape's skin. Well your thick and heavy milk sticks to the “skin” of these sacs - yes, there is some even if you are past the colostrum stage. Your goal should be to release or detach the heavy milk from the milk sac/skin and nurse until your breast is completely, totally empty. I used to nurse equal lengths of time on both sides, mainly because I heard stories where some babies ended up with a preference of side - which, compared to silent reflux, is the least of my worries! I understand the importance of nursing until one side is totally empty and simply offering the second breast if they're still hungry (then start the next feeding on the side you ended with). Allowing baby to get that thick, hind milk ensures the weight of the milk will stay down in baby's tummy better. This is also why reflux seems to "go away", because they start to eat heavier foods eventually. THE TRICK: To help aid in getting the hind/heavy milk to release from the milk sac, if you seem to have trouble, is this - towards the end of a feeding, microwave a sock filled with rice for about 30 seconds or less, hold it on your breast (be careful it's not too hot because it will be touching baby, potentially) to warm your breast, and massage all around as she nurses.

4. Nurse baby at as high of an angle is comfortable for you.

5. Also, don't lay baby down or put them on their tummy for about 20 minutes after feeding - this will help tremendously. When you do lay baby down, try to prop up whatever she is laying on or in, if possible.

6. When we were really at a loss we gave baby colic tablets and mylecon (gas drops) to help ease the tummy.

7.  Make sure their latch is good. Nursing should not hurt but if she is sucking air, that will make it worse - even bottles can allow air into a baby's tummy so watch closely, burp often, and maybe try a few bottles before committing to one brand/style.

8.  Don’t bounce baby - sounds obvious but throwing it out there!

9. I know pacifiers are helpful and pure sanity savers but, if you can stand it, try not to use them. Baby may end up sucking in air and you might not know it.

10. Last but not least, since I was nursing, I got started on a probiotic and (regardless of nursing) we started to give probiotics to baby morning and night. Probiotics help aid in digestion and since that's the root cause of silent reflux, it definitely didn't hurt.

The regimen we had:
Before nursing or bottle feeding:  We gave 1 cell salt and 1 colic tablet. After feeding we gave 1 of each again and some mylecon drops. We also gave her jaro drops, an infant probiotic recommended by our doctor, morning and night. Doing these things consistently was a LIFE SAVER!! It was at the peak of her reflux, around 6-9 weeks. Then she either outgrew it or the stuff worked well!!

We did end up putting our daughter on Zantac for a few weeks for sanity sake. It did help but we gave it sparingly - only at night and not consistently.

Products purchased/used:

Hyland's - Natrum Phos. 6x, 500 tablets https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0014ARBN4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9qYFBb61ZG6T7

Hyland's Homeopathic Baby Colic Tablets, 125 Count https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IYB6RX0/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TrYFBbVTWSN1J

Mylicon Infant Drops Anti-Gas Relief Dye Free formula, 1.0 Fluid Ounce https://www.amazon.com/dp/B011EVPAHG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_gtYFBbMSCWAVW

Jarrow Formulas Baby's Jarro-Dophilus Drops, 1 Billion Cells Per 6 Drops, Supports Intestinal & Immune Health, 8 ml  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N51XLUX/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U__VOU.Bb1GAR5CW

I hope these tips help for your sweet baby. If you are nursing, paying for the attention and help of a certified LC is HIGHLY recommended. Also, remember, the diet changes are temporary and hopefully this is, too.

**This is not actual, legal, medical advice, just our experience!**

Well, We Won't Be Doing That Again - Kitchen Remodel Part 7

Well, we won't be doing that again. I know, never say never. Even through the plague, we are so thankful this project came together (and came to an end). We are hoping and praying everything checks out with the inspection but all, in all, we are very pleased. As previously mentioned, it was not for the faint of heart. Remodeling is NO JOKE and it is definitely no HGTV, picture perfect process.

Also, it just goes to show you, that even though everyone else on the internet, with their picture perfect Instagram, seem to do these kinds of projects without issue or frustration - it's totally there. No matter how good the idea is or how beautiful the outcome, there was definitely a curse word said... or two or two hundred.

We learned so much - about things I don't care to ever encounter again - and some pretty hard lessons. Financially and logically we should not have undertaken a project of this magnitude. We should not have tried to help out a budding contractor because we felt for him. We should have researched and inquired more. We should have been patient and enjoyed our new home as it was for a while.

What's done is done and we are so thankful it is...done. All in time for our kids' birthday party and friends and family to visit!

Here is the final reveal of our kitchen. Caution: These are not professional photos, you will notice the terrible lighting, stuff lying around and dishes by the sink because... we are normal. Enjoy!

We spray painted our bar stools navy, the pendant lights are from Lowe's, the lamp is from Target, I sanded and stained the support under the granite (someone tried to tell me that it was unnecessary... huh?!?!), the track light is from amazon and the fan is from Home Depot. 

Opposite view - we removed the double doors to the dining room. That helped to open the space up, also. Now I have a cute coffee bar in there! 

Ignore the mismatched tile but notice the ice maker and wine fridge - so fun! Fun Fact: We found terrazzo flooring underneath the tile and restoring it might be our next project *insert evil laugh*. If you're not familiar with terrazzo - get familiar. It's basically a piece of (expensive) history in our home.

Note: Dishes by the sink. Debating on adding hardware but, one thing at a time, people. The track light replaced a nasty, huge square fluorescent and the fan replaced a nasty and tiny white fan. Fan in the kitchen - life saver! 

The next light to go - above the kitchen table. We decided to keep this L portion of the bar because it would have been a lot of dead and wasted space. Our breakfast area is already exceptionally large. You'll notice, too, we got rid of the entire, huge, walk-in pantry. The door in this picture was a cleaning supplies closet but is now the pantry and works great. Most of the food we eat is in the fridge or freezer or bought the week of cooking so our pantry didn't need to be huge. Our previous house had a small pantry, too, so it works for us! 

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Part 6

Race to Finish - Kitchen Remodel Part 6

After the plague, things picked up. Well, after our BEAUTIFUL counter tops were installed, things picked up. Supposedly that was the missing piece to getting this thing done. Even the granite didn't come without issue though - the original one we picked was said to be "too soft" and would scratch easily (why no one told us before is beyond me), then we had to wait for the weather to clear up. Who knew cutting granite generated so much dust? That dust, when mixed with water, can turn into some really hard to clean paste. However, the finished product of the counter tops was well worth it.

Counter tops went in, cabinet paint was finished, floors were patched, back splash went in, electric was done. Even though there was a lot of doing, and re-doing, we could see the end. Here are a few more progress pics....

With a few stern words and tough conversations about needing to "get'r done", the contractors stayed late a few days to finish up. We had a grout issue and mismatch tile issue. Floors are the next project but not for a while. The grout issue was major, for me, because it stuck out like a sore thumb. It was too dark. BUT, did you know, there is grout paint?!?! It was a time and life saver for the contractors because I was NOT a very happy camper.

Grout paint cleaned up - left, grout painted on - literally with a paint brush - center, original (too dark) grout - far right.

Once all that was in and things were still being buttoned up, we realized the wall color - a flat, builder beige - was not going to work. We absolutely loved the color we chose for our previous house so we decided to go with that. It took the stress out of trying to find the right color, that's for sure. And yes, we went cheap - good ole' Gentle Rain  by Behr.

To all the painters who wanted me to spend an arm and a leg on paint -

Why would I spend money on expensive paint when we have a four year old, a two year old, a huge and clumsy dog and are about to welcome a newborn to the Walker clan, who all, at any given moment, can projectile vomit, lose the lid to a sippy, or splatter food/water/mud/etc all over said paint? We bought the most economical, but durable paint. It's paint. Not a purse...or shoes. So for all you Benjamin Moore, Farrow & Ball, Pratt & Lambert snobs lovers- buzz off. We will stick to our beloved Behr and Valspar, k thanks.

Final reveal will be posted next!!!!! YAY! The saga has an ending!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The Plague Worsens - Kitchen Remodel Part 5

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

So, picking up where we left off with our lovely rodent friends from Part 3, I took a little field trip to the local DIY pest control place because clearly our current pest control guy was NOT capable of getting rid of these things. Also, there wasn't much we could do about the power line but wait for the plumber to HOPEFULLY agree to fix it!

I learned so much at the DIY place from my new friend, John. Did you know rats can enter your home through a quarter size hole?! If they can get their head in, they can get their whole nasty body in! Did you know poison packets are super cheap?! And that the trick to getting rodents to eat them is PEANUT BUTTER (well, we used almond butter because #paleofriendlyhousehold, I'm THAT mom) - genius. Screw the pest control guys who tried and failed three times. I checked out with poison packets, odor control sponges, some bug/mosquito killer (because again, Houston), a mask, a sprayer and a head full of ways to kill things. I was as ready as Rambo.

I came home ready to kill some stuff only to find out about another fun issue...

Bees.

Honeybees, to be exact.

That's right. You know, the kind you really shouldn't kill because they are becoming extinct and throwing off the ecosystem - yea, those.

We had noticed one or two here and there since, hello, the attic had been exposed for over a week at this point. The electrician who finally decided to show up, said he had been stung and wasn't able to work up there because there was a swarm of them. This was something else, I tell you what. I killed about 15 bees in 30 minutes. The weird thing? They weren't trying to come after me, they were trying to get outside.

So, I made a call to my new pest control friend and his first question was, were they there before? I thought about it and remember that right before we moved in, a bee keeper came and took away a whole honeycomb. I told him that and his response was that they were back and ready to set up shop again.

Bee facts: 1. There are seekers and workers and honey makers. 2. The bees that were there were seekers. 3. Honeybees leave behind a pheromone that the seekers...seek... and if found, they will alert the workers to set up shop again. They are erratic and not out to harm - hence flying into windows and not attacking me. 4. A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. 5. The bee keeper did NOT spray to get rid of the pheromone, NOR did he properly seal the roof flap to the attic, hence the reason for The Return of the Honeybees. 

So now, not only am I Rambo the Rat Killer, I am killer of all the things. However, bees don't play so I called someone. Luckily, they had not nested and so killing them was socially acceptable (and cheaper)!

To recap - we've had a major plumbing issue, changes to the design and scope of work, a rat infestation, a power line down and Return of the Honeybees. That's when I started writing all of these posts... See part 1. 

The bee man came out, the poison packets went into the attic, Greg ended up throwing out BAGS of soiled insulation and 4 rats, drywall was up, lights and outlets had been cut out and wired, cabinets had been primed, counter tops and our new cabinet had been framed in... things were looking up. We were going to make it after all.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

No Power? No Problem! - Kitchen Remodel Part 4

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

I realized while trying to write all of this out that so many issues overlapped and yea, yea we really weren't under construction forever. So, for all of you who said "It will be over before you know it," you win. Now you can sit back and say, "I told you so!"

Being in the thick of things was definitely not easy. Much like parenting and marriage and other hard things. Every day there was some new issue or frustration. There was one night, after the bomb I'm about to drop on you came to fruition, that I told Greg if one more thing came up, we just needed to torch the place and start over or move out. Dramatic, much? I was serious. We were over it.

So while dealing with contractors, a painfully slow remodel, and now rats, we had another fun issue. One we thought was tied to the remodel but wasn't.

One morning, while getting ready, the lights were flickering pretty badly. Sometimes that means the bulbs are about to go out but it was odd. I got out of the shower and half the power went out. I don't mean half the house or just the lights. I mean, one outlet worked and one light didn't in one room and the next room half the lights and outlets worked, the AC worked and the fridge worked but the microwave didn't. It was very odd. Greg called the home warranty company, that had only come through with ONE request so far (the fixing of our garage door!), and I called the electric company. Both were going to cost time and money but, hello, we needed power.

The electrician the home warranty sent, and the electric company both said that our main power line had been severed. A power line can go out even just by nicking it with a shovel. They also both said it was more than likely due to the plumbing work that was done.

Thank GOD we called 811 and had the line marked before the plumbers dug anything up. I mean, there was a good 4ft deep trench in our backyard while they re-piped the sewer line. Our next call was to get quotes. Turns out, replacing and burying 60+ feet of power line can cost anywhere from $2500-$3600! We didn't have that. We kept digging and researching and then realized we needed to get the plumber involved. We did our part, calling 811, they needed to help us fix this.

Unfortunately, our neighborhood wasn't one where the electric company owned the line - otherwise, they'd fix it all and we would be set. The electric company came and put in a temporary line that we were able to use for a month. Yes, it took a month, to the day, to get the line fixed. Now that it is done, our backyard is still a mess.

There will be more issues along the way but with a finished product that diminishes the stress of all of this. Man, what I would have given to know and see what I have now.

If you're wondering why there aren't many remodel pictures. It's because things literally didn't look much different in these weeks. Here are a few more - we finally trained the contractor to cover the ceiling when they left for the day. There is more to the kitchen remodel saga, so stay tuned.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Demo Days & The Plague - Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

This is not your typical renovation blog series. Sorry, not sorry. We didn't lift a hammer. Again, sorry, not sorry. This is essentially a safe space for me to whine and moan and hopefully, one day, look back and laugh.

There are those who renovate and those who pay-to-renovate. Let me clarify, I love me some projects. My husband, not so much. I get the good ole eye roll every time I have a "bright idea." Which subsequently seems to (almost) always occur while pregnant. I would also love to be the one to do the renovation but, lets be real, I'd probably kill myself trying to knock down a wall and I just don't care THAT much. My husband, would want nothing to do with said wall. Which is fine. Totally get it.

Day 1 of the kitchen remodel was so, so, so exciting! I totally felt like I was on the set of some major HGTV show. There were loud bangs, and high pitch squeaks, and sounds of a saw and lots of things hitting the floor. It had begun! We were stoked!

For about a week. Then progress slowed. I mean almost a screeching halt. Of course everything was to blame... I changed my mind, the counter tops weren’t in, waiting on the electrician... excuse after excuse. Much to our dismay and according to our remodel veteran friends, these excuses were normal.

Our attic had been exposed due to changing the ceiling height and the installation of support beams, and the smell of sheet rock and musty attic filled our house. For a hypersensitive prego and her husband, who has a sense of smell like that of a freaking dog, it was not pleasant. Something wasn't right. My husband insisted the smell was something else and I hate to even document this but, he was right.

Some back story for you (and another expense I forgot to mention during our short 1 month in our home): Before we bought the house, we did our due diligence and we had the house inspected by a fantastic inspector (I have to put this in here because most everyone says, "Didn't you have the house inspected before moving in?" Yes, Carol). He pointed out that the HVAC duct work in the attic was all torn up on the kitchen side of the house and suspected rodents once lived up there. Before we purchased the home, it sat vacant for a good year so we were not surprised by this news. We had our trusty HVAC guy come and repair the duct work ASAP because Houston summers are no joke. Anyways, we weren't concerned about current rodents because he didn't notice any fresh feces (yummy) or traces of nesting.

Fast forward 3 months from inspection - holy rats nest, did those turds (literally) come back and wreak havoc on our attic and senses! It was awful! The contractors also noticed and even snapped some pictures of these cat sized rats - gross! Pest control came out on THREE occasions and it did NOTHING. During this time, it had been a question of "what next?"

And you'll see... stay tuned! Until then... I realized I never posted pictures of the OUTSIDE of our home. OOPS! For those who love mi-mod's as much as we do, here is our 1960's charmer (#allthehearteyes)

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

The Beauty of Home Ownership - Kitchen Remodel Part 2

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When we decided to remodel the kitchen, we had been in our new home for a total of 2 months. We had already had the windows replaced with double pane windows because... summer in Houston, 'nough said, and we knew we wanted to paint and do the floors. The kitchen was a big deal, though. Financially and logically we knew it needed to be done first or it might never make it off the to-do list.

Let me back up, we KNEW we wanted to do SOMETHING with the kitchen space as soon as we saw the house but fell in love with it regardless - I mean, come on, a character filled mid-century modern home, built in the 1960's, in a fantastic neighborhood, walking distance to the kids current preschool, at an affordable price, with the bonus room and extra bedroom we needed for sweet V and amazing space for entertaining (we are always down for a party), what was not to love? However, the first time we had an actual get together, it was awful. I mean, no one else noticed - I hope - but us. The layout and closed off nature of the kitchen was NOT going to workout.

Here are some pre-reno and pre-move in pictures (that wet bar and built-in, though!):

View from the sink to the pantry (door) and in-eat breakfast area.

View from opening of breakfast area to the sink (gaping hole is where the refrigerator is now).

Another view from the sink/dishwasher area to the doors to the dining room (left), wet bar (opening), and pantry (door). 

View from the wet bar into the living room - more built-in goodness!

View from the breakfast area towards kitchen (left), built-in desk and living room space. 

Okay, now that you understand what we are working with here...

Fast forward a few weeks to the decision to hire the contractor and get this baby rollin'... we stumbled upon some fun news... a major plumbing issue. I mean MAJOR. Sewage backed up, coming out from under toilets, into our step-down shower (1960's remember?), and the entire place smelling like... yep, you guessed it, a heaping pile of dog poo. Oh and what was better, it happened on a Saturday, right before we were about to leave for a day sail with friends.

Me to Husband: "Cancel the babysitter, dear, we have s**t to deal with - literally."

It was awful.

Fun Interesting Fact: Homes in our hood and others built around the same time were built under the assumption that concrete piping was smart. Not. Smart. It breaks. And that, my friends, is what had happened.

So, before we even got to the renovation, we had to replace our MAIN SEWER LINE which totally dipped into our renovation budget. But, we were determined... and probably a little stupid. It couldn't have been something easy, or something we knew ANYTHING about. It had to be this major, stinky, expensive mess. And there is more!

Oh, the beauty of home ownership. Stay tuned...

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Reno Vent - Kitchen Remodel Part 1

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When you can't be inside your house because there is currently a honeybee infestation that decided to rear its ugly head in the middle of a daggum remodel project, you camp out at starbucks to get some writing venting done since your kids are in school and aren't loving on nagging you.

I am in such a wonderful mood. Can you tell? 

And that may be the world longest run on sentence - but I don't care. There is free wifi here and Siggi's yogurt, so I'll be in a happy place soon. 

I really don't see the appeal people see in remodeling. Maybe it's because the appeal lies mainly in overexposed, instagram worthy pictures and not the actual mess that remodeling can be. Or maybe it's the captions those instagram pictures use to lure people into the darkness that is renovation. Or, actually, it is probably because every woman (and man, maybe) have a secret desire to be Joanna Gaines. Yes, that's probably it. Our experience hasn't been all together awful but it is definitely not for the faint of heart - or maybe not for pregnant (ie. hormonal) women with two other small children at home.

Silly me, I thought, "Okay, we've done floors and windows before, we can handle a small reno." Well, boy was I wrong - HA! 

I think it's a patience thing. I currently have NONE. Which, before being pregnant, I didn't have much to loose. To top it off, it's our kitchen. The living breathing epicenter of our home life - where sippy cups are filled and spilled, where I channel my little energy into cooking meals I am usually proud of, where my husband hides pint size ice cream cartons and where SO MUCH LIFE happens. So that means, no cooking, careful sippy cup filling, still ice cream because it is necessary during hard times and very little life. I feel like death and probably look like death, from lack of proper home cooked, nutritious food. You don't realize the lack of good choices (that won't cost an arm and a leg) until you rely on having to eat out. It is REALLY, REALLY hard.

But, stay tuned for more fun stories and a whole reno series that will make you absolutely never want to renovate - kidding. I had a feeling all this "hindsight" business was going to be accurate - hindsight is, we will have a beautiful kitchen we are proud of and can definitely do life (much easier) in, and we lived to tell the tale which might be funny... one day. Not today.

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Summer 2018 Recap

Okay. Back to this blogging thing. Every year... let's be real... every month I tell myself, "This is when you'll start to be consistent with writing." But, you know what? The only thing I am consistent at is keeping a list of "blog ideas" in a note on my iphone. I know, #smh.

However, I am here. Although I have a TON of blog ideas, I still don't really even know where to begin. I think I'll do a little catching up of our summer, since it is technically "back to school" and I know as well as the next guy that the average reader of these things are nosy little buggers. Give the people what they want!

April-May 2018 - I went from full-time, super swamped, overwhelmed working momma of two, to putting in notice as a last ditch effort to keep my family together.

Of course notice would last two whole months but hey, I got to go down to part time! Oh, cue ALL THE FEELS. It was hard. Letting go of something near and dear to you, having to say goodbye to people you'd grown close to over the past few years, wrestling with lots of emotions and feelings at home and at the office. I had never felt so out of place and forced against my will. But, I knew I had to stick it out and see it through. Even if I  ended up going back to work a month after my last day (that's a clue). I had to save my marriage. I had to save my family. Wow. Talk about truth bombs.

June 2018 - I reached my last day and came home to my babies. Lucky for us, we kicked it off with a trip to Vegas with just my husband and I - talk about much needed. That was the beginning of several adventures for me this summer. Side bar: We had been talking about expanding... our family... and now #VEGASBABY has a new meaning. Yes, baby girl will be here in February!!! Video link for your entertainment...

We went to Dallas for market so I could pick things up with the boutique (www.LucyGrant.com) and ventured over to Tyler for my cousins baby shower. She had twins and I am DYING to meet them! Greg got food poisoning, so that was NOT fun. Oh, and we almost had a blow out on the way home - thank god for 24 hour tire men!

We went to Disney World - phew, lots to say about that. Overall it was an experience that we will not soon forget. We were so appreciative of the gift from my parents (it was a Christmas gift) and the kids had a blast. We will be going back... but not for a bit.

Also, in June, we decided to sell our house! We had been casually looking, because who doesn't love to stalk Realtor.com and dream? But when baby #3 was confirmed - it was game on.

July 2018 - Our house sold within DAYS... DAYS! Talk about awesome but equally stressful. We went through some back and forth on one house, bailed on it, then found the house we ultimately purchased and are absolutely LOVING it.

Remember when I said I went on a few more adventures and that I might go back to work? I had a girls trip to College Station with some friends which was nice but quick - we had JUST moved into our house... and being pregnant on a girls trip just isn't quite the same, you know what I'm saying! Then we took a trip down to Port Aransas and stayed at Port Royal (who else called it Port Royale growing up?!?!) for my birthday - the big 3-1 whoop! You guys, they need help. Stay there. Spend money. That little town is struggling to get back what Hurricane Harvey took from it. Lastly, I started back to work. Different company, same concept, part time hours. It's been great. I haven't been able to put in as much as I would like but I feel human when I am working so that's fabulous!

August 2018 - Another girls trip to San Diego and LA with my bestie!! It was a blast. Already looking forward to the next one! I am so thankful for this time with my friend. More on this. I can't write everything in one post, you guys. We had some set backs with the house... AC repairs, new windows (delayed, twice), broken sewage main (barf!). However, everything is fixed, the poop is back flowing to where it belongs, and our home is nice and cool in this gazillion degree weather we have here in southeast Houston. Lastly, we celebrated 5 years of marriage! Three of the five, I've been pregnant - hoping that trend changes soon haha But more on this marriage stuff later!

Here we are, all caught up! Till next time, my dear hearts.

Lessons in Parenting

I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.

A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.

A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!

Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.

Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"

Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!

But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.

You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.

That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!

Now, what did we do differently?

We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!

If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!

Promise I'll Shut-up

So, I need to get something off my chest, then I swear I will shut up.

The past few months have been rough, as per my previous post. I've learned some really tough lessons and I am trying to chalk it all up to "growing pains" and not that I potentially suck at life. At 28 years old, I still don't have my ish together it seems.

The home-run hitter was hearing that being quiet is best. Shutting up to let someone talk, not trying to finish their sentences and predict the outcome, is the best way to earn someone's trust. Who knew?!?!

Funny enough - it says to shut up in the Bible, too ... kind of. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still. Hush. Don't move. Listen. Learn. Reflect. Meditate.

It's really hard for someone who likes to talk, to not talk. I wouldn't say I like to hear myself talk because, well, that's just weird, but talking is like "my thing."

So, I've been practicing. I've taken the measures necessary to practice active listening without being an overbearing loud mouth. I've learned so much with this one simple act. I've learned about different body languages and voice tones, thought processes and personal preferences. I've seen conflicts resolve themselves and I've learned that not everyone wants to talk, but it's amazing how much more people open up to you with just that one small act - shutting up.

It's also pretty amazing the way God reveals Himself to you when you're still, patiently waiting for his response. He is good, all the time. All the time, He is good.

And the cherry on top - People value a good, active listener.

Adult Nightmares

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion. 

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me. 

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.  

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise. 

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow. 

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful  I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man. 

And goodness if this isn't the truth... 

Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...

Well, I did it. I started my own business. It is an online women's boutique! I've only shared this dream of mine with a select few people and it's finally becoming a reality!

I did all the right things before starting... I had the idea, the passion, I sent prayers and consulted with my husband. I had the most realistic dream about it, read a book and some articles....then it hit me like a ton of bricks, pushing me right over the cliff... and so began LucyGrant.

I'm working on the website...I've purchased inventory... I've researched and advertised and set up all sorts of accounts... I've taken pictures and posted and reposted... But, I haven't made it big yet... YET!

Starting a business is truly a test of many things.

My patience has been tested
My self confidence has been tested
My faith has been tested
My abilities have been tested

But...

I know in my heart this is what I want to do. I know that through this new adventure, and trusting God, that I'll be able to glorify Him and His goodness.

Now for something you might not know...

I want to utilize my new business to inspire women. I want to empower them. I want to spread beauty and love. I want to help build up, restore and encourage. Self image, self worth, self confidence are all MAJORLY important to me. My hope is that, through LucyGrant, I will be able to reach the hearts of many and help them to know their worth in His name via encouraging messages, a new blog, and maybe the sale of a few pieces of clothing... in His name and not in vain.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Over it.

I've read one too many articles about stay at home moms (SAHMs) versus working outside the home moms. 

It truly is ridiculous some of the things that are thrown around as truth. 

Here's some truth for you... We all work hard, we all are doing the best we can in our situation, we are all making sacrifices every day! 

Do you think you deserve to be held up on a pedestal because you're a mom?? Is that what you thought you signed up for when you got pregnant? Do you feel entitled? 

News flash!!! No one gets a gold star or medal. Your sacrifices are part of the territory- whether you stay home or work outside the home. I learned that real quick. You sacrifice so much for your little(s) and husband... Your family. 

Think of the proverbs 31 woman- look how much she did for her household! She had a servants heart, contributed to her household (whether she had a job or stayed home) in so many ways, was her husband's biggest fan and support system, she was logical and methodical and was the foundation of her household. 

Did you think it was going to be a cake walk? Do you think God gave you more than you deserve? Wrong! You're in the exact place He wants you. 

Being a mom is hard work. Period. End of story. You don't get to breeze by "Go" or collect $200 just because. This isn't monopoly and you probably don't live on Park Place Ave. 

Get with the program... Dig down deep into that servants heart of yours... Pray for clarity and understanding in your situation and know that where you are, is exactly where God wants you. You're not better than anyone else in any situation. You do you, and no one else. 

You're a rockstar momma!!