6 Things I Do During Pregnancy...And Need To Do After

So, round 3 of pregnancy and I've been wondering this a lot lately. Probably because I've noticed my own behavior! We read articles and talk to friends and get input on what to do during pregnancy, to ensure a healthy and happy baby and momma. But, my question is, why don't we do this all the time? And not just women but, men too.

Here are a few things I've made mental note of recently that I pay much more attention to during pregnancy than during normal life (I say that because at this point in my life, I feel like I am pregnant more often than I am not!).

1. Establishing a good skin care routine.

Our skin does CRAY CRAY things while pregnant. Some of us break out like mad, some of us get pregnancy mask or melasma and some of us clear up like we haven't even hit puberty yet. Regardless, I notice that I pay much closer attention to my skin while pregnant. This is great, yes, but I need to keep it up after pregnancy too because, Lord knows the skin goes bonkers a few times trying to regulate those pesky hormones. 

2. Watching what goes on and in our body

Point #2 goes hand in hand with the above. I don't use products with retinol while pregnant or super harsh chemicals. I do make sure my skin is hydrated (I use this stuff and it's bomb: Active Hydration Body Cream) because with each pregnancy and while nursing, I feel like these babies literally suck me dry (and stretch marks are the devil but are inevitable sometimes). Also, I am not a naturalist by any means but essential oils are amazing for all life seasons and ages and ailments. I tend to run my diffuser into the garbage and douse kids with EO's while pregnant and I should be doing that all. the. time. 

I've also been watching what I eat. Besides the fact that this pregnancy has been full of cravings, I have been super mindful of what's going in my body. Mainly from a weight gaining standpoint but I need to be more consistent during the "off pregnancy" times. Lots of leafy greans, lean proteins, minimal carbs and dairy. But always ice cream. 

3. Working out and/or staying active

No one tells you how your shoulders will ache from carrying a 7 pound baby for 20 minutes. Or how your back will feel like it's going to spasm into oblivion after they've finally latched to nurse and there's no way in hell you're moving to get that boppy. Or how physically demanding labor and c-section recovery can be. But, you figure it out pretty dern fast. I won't say it's too late, but be careful trying to catch up when trying to get those weighted exercises in. Get clearance from your doctor and even still, take it easy. Working out and staying active before and during pregnancy make the transition to newbornhood/motherhood so much easier. You feel yourself faster and don't fatigue as quickly. Your stamina for those 2am parties will astound you. 

Don't stop there - keep up the activity after baby is born. He or she will need you even more outside of the womb. Your physical ability to keep up with mommy duties is overwhelming mentally, but it doesn't have to be overwhelming physically. 

4. Taking vitamins - and lots of them

Kind of like what I am putting into my body, I need to keep in mind the benefits of vitamins and probiotics! Probiotics are so good for baby (I wrote some notes on reflux and it mentions probiotics as a helpful aid) and mommy's gut health. Also, a prenatal may not be enough for you. Consider your food intake - do you need to supplement iron, calcium, DHA, vitamin D and the B's, or did you not get enough fruits and veggies (because all day sickness is REAL) that a food based vitamin could help? I absolutely love all the gummy vitamins - I take several - one with a probiotic, juice plus gummies to help get all those essential fruits and vegetables in, and a prenatal with DHA - I also take an iron supplement. I do all of this while nursing too but then I eventually leave a few off and end up only taking them here and there - bad girl! 

5. Getting enough sleep

Easier said than done while pregnant, I get this. However, I have made it a priority while pregnant - which is weird for me because I am usually one who can operate on little sleep. If you're not getting enough sleep pregnant or not, maybe evaluate what is really keeping you up - do you need to do meditation/prayer before bed to unwind, do you need a new mattress, do you need to politely ask your husband to go in the other room because he snores or wear some ear plugs? Sleep is so important for everyone. It improves brain function in EVERYONE. We encourage our littles to sleep so they can grow big and strong.

Why don't we take it more seriously when we aren't pregnant?

6. Watching my demeanor and tone of voice with my spouse and kids

Oh man, for the sake of all things holy why must hormones make us lose our ever living minds? I would love to go more than a week without wigging out on someone in my house. It is really, really hard and has gotten progressively worse with each pregnancy. I know better. So I need to be better. Grace is tossed around like pixie dust in my house, thankfully! This is a reminder for myself during and after this baby comes! They don't deserve it and I hate how it makes me feel. Keeping calm, generally keeps everyone calm. Apparently that is a harder lesson to learn than it really should be.

The list may sound obvious but point me to one person who is consistent with ALL of these things, ALL the time, so that I may shake their hand.

Well, We Won't Be Doing That Again - Kitchen Remodel Part 7

Well, we won't be doing that again. I know, never say never. Even through the plague, we are so thankful this project came together (and came to an end). We are hoping and praying everything checks out with the inspection but all, in all, we are very pleased. As previously mentioned, it was not for the faint of heart. Remodeling is NO JOKE and it is definitely no HGTV, picture perfect process.

Also, it just goes to show you, that even though everyone else on the internet, with their picture perfect Instagram, seem to do these kinds of projects without issue or frustration - it's totally there. No matter how good the idea is or how beautiful the outcome, there was definitely a curse word said... or two or two hundred.

We learned so much - about things I don't care to ever encounter again - and some pretty hard lessons. Financially and logically we should not have undertaken a project of this magnitude. We should not have tried to help out a budding contractor because we felt for him. We should have researched and inquired more. We should have been patient and enjoyed our new home as it was for a while.

What's done is done and we are so thankful it is...done. All in time for our kids' birthday party and friends and family to visit!

Here is the final reveal of our kitchen. Caution: These are not professional photos, you will notice the terrible lighting, stuff lying around and dishes by the sink because... we are normal. Enjoy!

We spray painted our bar stools navy, the pendant lights are from Lowe's, the lamp is from Target, I sanded and stained the support under the granite (someone tried to tell me that it was unnecessary... huh?!?!), the track light is from amazon and the fan is from Home Depot. 

Opposite view - we removed the double doors to the dining room. That helped to open the space up, also. Now I have a cute coffee bar in there! 

Ignore the mismatched tile but notice the ice maker and wine fridge - so fun! Fun Fact: We found terrazzo flooring underneath the tile and restoring it might be our next project *insert evil laugh*. If you're not familiar with terrazzo - get familiar. It's basically a piece of (expensive) history in our home.

Note: Dishes by the sink. Debating on adding hardware but, one thing at a time, people. The track light replaced a nasty, huge square fluorescent and the fan replaced a nasty and tiny white fan. Fan in the kitchen - life saver! 

The next light to go - above the kitchen table. We decided to keep this L portion of the bar because it would have been a lot of dead and wasted space. Our breakfast area is already exceptionally large. You'll notice, too, we got rid of the entire, huge, walk-in pantry. The door in this picture was a cleaning supplies closet but is now the pantry and works great. Most of the food we eat is in the fridge or freezer or bought the week of cooking so our pantry didn't need to be huge. Our previous house had a small pantry, too, so it works for us! 

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Part 6

Race to Finish - Kitchen Remodel Part 6

After the plague, things picked up. Well, after our BEAUTIFUL counter tops were installed, things picked up. Supposedly that was the missing piece to getting this thing done. Even the granite didn't come without issue though - the original one we picked was said to be "too soft" and would scratch easily (why no one told us before is beyond me), then we had to wait for the weather to clear up. Who knew cutting granite generated so much dust? That dust, when mixed with water, can turn into some really hard to clean paste. However, the finished product of the counter tops was well worth it.

Counter tops went in, cabinet paint was finished, floors were patched, back splash went in, electric was done. Even though there was a lot of doing, and re-doing, we could see the end. Here are a few more progress pics....

With a few stern words and tough conversations about needing to "get'r done", the contractors stayed late a few days to finish up. We had a grout issue and mismatch tile issue. Floors are the next project but not for a while. The grout issue was major, for me, because it stuck out like a sore thumb. It was too dark. BUT, did you know, there is grout paint?!?! It was a time and life saver for the contractors because I was NOT a very happy camper.

Grout paint cleaned up - left, grout painted on - literally with a paint brush - center, original (too dark) grout - far right.

Once all that was in and things were still being buttoned up, we realized the wall color - a flat, builder beige - was not going to work. We absolutely loved the color we chose for our previous house so we decided to go with that. It took the stress out of trying to find the right color, that's for sure. And yes, we went cheap - good ole' Gentle Rain  by Behr.

To all the painters who wanted me to spend an arm and a leg on paint -

Why would I spend money on expensive paint when we have a four year old, a two year old, a huge and clumsy dog and are about to welcome a newborn to the Walker clan, who all, at any given moment, can projectile vomit, lose the lid to a sippy, or splatter food/water/mud/etc all over said paint? We bought the most economical, but durable paint. It's paint. Not a purse...or shoes. So for all you Benjamin Moore, Farrow & Ball, Pratt & Lambert snobs lovers- buzz off. We will stick to our beloved Behr and Valspar, k thanks.

Final reveal will be posted next!!!!! YAY! The saga has an ending!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The Plague Worsens - Kitchen Remodel Part 5

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

So, picking up where we left off with our lovely rodent friends from Part 3, I took a little field trip to the local DIY pest control place because clearly our current pest control guy was NOT capable of getting rid of these things. Also, there wasn't much we could do about the power line but wait for the plumber to HOPEFULLY agree to fix it!

I learned so much at the DIY place from my new friend, John. Did you know rats can enter your home through a quarter size hole?! If they can get their head in, they can get their whole nasty body in! Did you know poison packets are super cheap?! And that the trick to getting rodents to eat them is PEANUT BUTTER (well, we used almond butter because #paleofriendlyhousehold, I'm THAT mom) - genius. Screw the pest control guys who tried and failed three times. I checked out with poison packets, odor control sponges, some bug/mosquito killer (because again, Houston), a mask, a sprayer and a head full of ways to kill things. I was as ready as Rambo.

I came home ready to kill some stuff only to find out about another fun issue...

Bees.

Honeybees, to be exact.

That's right. You know, the kind you really shouldn't kill because they are becoming extinct and throwing off the ecosystem - yea, those.

We had noticed one or two here and there since, hello, the attic had been exposed for over a week at this point. The electrician who finally decided to show up, said he had been stung and wasn't able to work up there because there was a swarm of them. This was something else, I tell you what. I killed about 15 bees in 30 minutes. The weird thing? They weren't trying to come after me, they were trying to get outside.

So, I made a call to my new pest control friend and his first question was, were they there before? I thought about it and remember that right before we moved in, a bee keeper came and took away a whole honeycomb. I told him that and his response was that they were back and ready to set up shop again.

Bee facts: 1. There are seekers and workers and honey makers. 2. The bees that were there were seekers. 3. Honeybees leave behind a pheromone that the seekers...seek... and if found, they will alert the workers to set up shop again. They are erratic and not out to harm - hence flying into windows and not attacking me. 4. A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. 5. The bee keeper did NOT spray to get rid of the pheromone, NOR did he properly seal the roof flap to the attic, hence the reason for The Return of the Honeybees. 

So now, not only am I Rambo the Rat Killer, I am killer of all the things. However, bees don't play so I called someone. Luckily, they had not nested and so killing them was socially acceptable (and cheaper)!

To recap - we've had a major plumbing issue, changes to the design and scope of work, a rat infestation, a power line down and Return of the Honeybees. That's when I started writing all of these posts... See part 1. 

The bee man came out, the poison packets went into the attic, Greg ended up throwing out BAGS of soiled insulation and 4 rats, drywall was up, lights and outlets had been cut out and wired, cabinets had been primed, counter tops and our new cabinet had been framed in... things were looking up. We were going to make it after all.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

No Power? No Problem! - Kitchen Remodel Part 4

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

I realized while trying to write all of this out that so many issues overlapped and yea, yea we really weren't under construction forever. So, for all of you who said "It will be over before you know it," you win. Now you can sit back and say, "I told you so!"

Being in the thick of things was definitely not easy. Much like parenting and marriage and other hard things. Every day there was some new issue or frustration. There was one night, after the bomb I'm about to drop on you came to fruition, that I told Greg if one more thing came up, we just needed to torch the place and start over or move out. Dramatic, much? I was serious. We were over it.

So while dealing with contractors, a painfully slow remodel, and now rats, we had another fun issue. One we thought was tied to the remodel but wasn't.

One morning, while getting ready, the lights were flickering pretty badly. Sometimes that means the bulbs are about to go out but it was odd. I got out of the shower and half the power went out. I don't mean half the house or just the lights. I mean, one outlet worked and one light didn't in one room and the next room half the lights and outlets worked, the AC worked and the fridge worked but the microwave didn't. It was very odd. Greg called the home warranty company, that had only come through with ONE request so far (the fixing of our garage door!), and I called the electric company. Both were going to cost time and money but, hello, we needed power.

The electrician the home warranty sent, and the electric company both said that our main power line had been severed. A power line can go out even just by nicking it with a shovel. They also both said it was more than likely due to the plumbing work that was done.

Thank GOD we called 811 and had the line marked before the plumbers dug anything up. I mean, there was a good 4ft deep trench in our backyard while they re-piped the sewer line. Our next call was to get quotes. Turns out, replacing and burying 60+ feet of power line can cost anywhere from $2500-$3600! We didn't have that. We kept digging and researching and then realized we needed to get the plumber involved. We did our part, calling 811, they needed to help us fix this.

Unfortunately, our neighborhood wasn't one where the electric company owned the line - otherwise, they'd fix it all and we would be set. The electric company came and put in a temporary line that we were able to use for a month. Yes, it took a month, to the day, to get the line fixed. Now that it is done, our backyard is still a mess.

There will be more issues along the way but with a finished product that diminishes the stress of all of this. Man, what I would have given to know and see what I have now.

If you're wondering why there aren't many remodel pictures. It's because things literally didn't look much different in these weeks. Here are a few more - we finally trained the contractor to cover the ceiling when they left for the day. There is more to the kitchen remodel saga, so stay tuned.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Demo Days & The Plague - Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

This is not your typical renovation blog series. Sorry, not sorry. We didn't lift a hammer. Again, sorry, not sorry. This is essentially a safe space for me to whine and moan and hopefully, one day, look back and laugh.

There are those who renovate and those who pay-to-renovate. Let me clarify, I love me some projects. My husband, not so much. I get the good ole eye roll every time I have a "bright idea." Which subsequently seems to (almost) always occur while pregnant. I would also love to be the one to do the renovation but, lets be real, I'd probably kill myself trying to knock down a wall and I just don't care THAT much. My husband, would want nothing to do with said wall. Which is fine. Totally get it.

Day 1 of the kitchen remodel was so, so, so exciting! I totally felt like I was on the set of some major HGTV show. There were loud bangs, and high pitch squeaks, and sounds of a saw and lots of things hitting the floor. It had begun! We were stoked!

For about a week. Then progress slowed. I mean almost a screeching halt. Of course everything was to blame... I changed my mind, the counter tops weren’t in, waiting on the electrician... excuse after excuse. Much to our dismay and according to our remodel veteran friends, these excuses were normal.

Our attic had been exposed due to changing the ceiling height and the installation of support beams, and the smell of sheet rock and musty attic filled our house. For a hypersensitive prego and her husband, who has a sense of smell like that of a freaking dog, it was not pleasant. Something wasn't right. My husband insisted the smell was something else and I hate to even document this but, he was right.

Some back story for you (and another expense I forgot to mention during our short 1 month in our home): Before we bought the house, we did our due diligence and we had the house inspected by a fantastic inspector (I have to put this in here because most everyone says, "Didn't you have the house inspected before moving in?" Yes, Carol). He pointed out that the HVAC duct work in the attic was all torn up on the kitchen side of the house and suspected rodents once lived up there. Before we purchased the home, it sat vacant for a good year so we were not surprised by this news. We had our trusty HVAC guy come and repair the duct work ASAP because Houston summers are no joke. Anyways, we weren't concerned about current rodents because he didn't notice any fresh feces (yummy) or traces of nesting.

Fast forward 3 months from inspection - holy rats nest, did those turds (literally) come back and wreak havoc on our attic and senses! It was awful! The contractors also noticed and even snapped some pictures of these cat sized rats - gross! Pest control came out on THREE occasions and it did NOTHING. During this time, it had been a question of "what next?"

And you'll see... stay tuned! Until then... I realized I never posted pictures of the OUTSIDE of our home. OOPS! For those who love mi-mod's as much as we do, here is our 1960's charmer (#allthehearteyes)

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

The Beauty of Home Ownership - Kitchen Remodel Part 2

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When we decided to remodel the kitchen, we had been in our new home for a total of 2 months. We had already had the windows replaced with double pane windows because... summer in Houston, 'nough said, and we knew we wanted to paint and do the floors. The kitchen was a big deal, though. Financially and logically we knew it needed to be done first or it might never make it off the to-do list.

Let me back up, we KNEW we wanted to do SOMETHING with the kitchen space as soon as we saw the house but fell in love with it regardless - I mean, come on, a character filled mid-century modern home, built in the 1960's, in a fantastic neighborhood, walking distance to the kids current preschool, at an affordable price, with the bonus room and extra bedroom we needed for sweet V and amazing space for entertaining (we are always down for a party), what was not to love? However, the first time we had an actual get together, it was awful. I mean, no one else noticed - I hope - but us. The layout and closed off nature of the kitchen was NOT going to workout.

Here are some pre-reno and pre-move in pictures (that wet bar and built-in, though!):

View from the sink to the pantry (door) and in-eat breakfast area.

View from opening of breakfast area to the sink (gaping hole is where the refrigerator is now).

Another view from the sink/dishwasher area to the doors to the dining room (left), wet bar (opening), and pantry (door). 

View from the wet bar into the living room - more built-in goodness!

View from the breakfast area towards kitchen (left), built-in desk and living room space. 

Okay, now that you understand what we are working with here...

Fast forward a few weeks to the decision to hire the contractor and get this baby rollin'... we stumbled upon some fun news... a major plumbing issue. I mean MAJOR. Sewage backed up, coming out from under toilets, into our step-down shower (1960's remember?), and the entire place smelling like... yep, you guessed it, a heaping pile of dog poo. Oh and what was better, it happened on a Saturday, right before we were about to leave for a day sail with friends.

Me to Husband: "Cancel the babysitter, dear, we have s**t to deal with - literally."

It was awful.

Fun Interesting Fact: Homes in our hood and others built around the same time were built under the assumption that concrete piping was smart. Not. Smart. It breaks. And that, my friends, is what had happened.

So, before we even got to the renovation, we had to replace our MAIN SEWER LINE which totally dipped into our renovation budget. But, we were determined... and probably a little stupid. It couldn't have been something easy, or something we knew ANYTHING about. It had to be this major, stinky, expensive mess. And there is more!

Oh, the beauty of home ownership. Stay tuned...

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Reno Vent - Kitchen Remodel Part 1

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When you can't be inside your house because there is currently a honeybee infestation that decided to rear its ugly head in the middle of a daggum remodel project, you camp out at starbucks to get some writing venting done since your kids are in school and aren't loving on nagging you.

I am in such a wonderful mood. Can you tell? 

And that may be the world longest run on sentence - but I don't care. There is free wifi here and Siggi's yogurt, so I'll be in a happy place soon. 

I really don't see the appeal people see in remodeling. Maybe it's because the appeal lies mainly in overexposed, instagram worthy pictures and not the actual mess that remodeling can be. Or maybe it's the captions those instagram pictures use to lure people into the darkness that is renovation. Or, actually, it is probably because every woman (and man, maybe) have a secret desire to be Joanna Gaines. Yes, that's probably it. Our experience hasn't been all together awful but it is definitely not for the faint of heart - or maybe not for pregnant (ie. hormonal) women with two other small children at home.

Silly me, I thought, "Okay, we've done floors and windows before, we can handle a small reno." Well, boy was I wrong - HA! 

I think it's a patience thing. I currently have NONE. Which, before being pregnant, I didn't have much to loose. To top it off, it's our kitchen. The living breathing epicenter of our home life - where sippy cups are filled and spilled, where I channel my little energy into cooking meals I am usually proud of, where my husband hides pint size ice cream cartons and where SO MUCH LIFE happens. So that means, no cooking, careful sippy cup filling, still ice cream because it is necessary during hard times and very little life. I feel like death and probably look like death, from lack of proper home cooked, nutritious food. You don't realize the lack of good choices (that won't cost an arm and a leg) until you rely on having to eat out. It is REALLY, REALLY hard.

But, stay tuned for more fun stories and a whole reno series that will make you absolutely never want to renovate - kidding. I had a feeling all this "hindsight" business was going to be accurate - hindsight is, we will have a beautiful kitchen we are proud of and can definitely do life (much easier) in, and we lived to tell the tale which might be funny... one day. Not today.

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Summer 2018 Recap

Okay. Back to this blogging thing. Every year... let's be real... every month I tell myself, "This is when you'll start to be consistent with writing." But, you know what? The only thing I am consistent at is keeping a list of "blog ideas" in a note on my iphone. I know, #smh.

However, I am here. Although I have a TON of blog ideas, I still don't really even know where to begin. I think I'll do a little catching up of our summer, since it is technically "back to school" and I know as well as the next guy that the average reader of these things are nosy little buggers. Give the people what they want!

April-May 2018 - I went from full-time, super swamped, overwhelmed working momma of two, to putting in notice as a last ditch effort to keep my family together.

Of course notice would last two whole months but hey, I got to go down to part time! Oh, cue ALL THE FEELS. It was hard. Letting go of something near and dear to you, having to say goodbye to people you'd grown close to over the past few years, wrestling with lots of emotions and feelings at home and at the office. I had never felt so out of place and forced against my will. But, I knew I had to stick it out and see it through. Even if I  ended up going back to work a month after my last day (that's a clue). I had to save my marriage. I had to save my family. Wow. Talk about truth bombs.

June 2018 - I reached my last day and came home to my babies. Lucky for us, we kicked it off with a trip to Vegas with just my husband and I - talk about much needed. That was the beginning of several adventures for me this summer. Side bar: We had been talking about expanding... our family... and now #VEGASBABY has a new meaning. Yes, baby girl will be here in February!!! Video link for your entertainment...

We went to Dallas for market so I could pick things up with the boutique (www.LucyGrant.com) and ventured over to Tyler for my cousins baby shower. She had twins and I am DYING to meet them! Greg got food poisoning, so that was NOT fun. Oh, and we almost had a blow out on the way home - thank god for 24 hour tire men!

We went to Disney World - phew, lots to say about that. Overall it was an experience that we will not soon forget. We were so appreciative of the gift from my parents (it was a Christmas gift) and the kids had a blast. We will be going back... but not for a bit.

Also, in June, we decided to sell our house! We had been casually looking, because who doesn't love to stalk Realtor.com and dream? But when baby #3 was confirmed - it was game on.

July 2018 - Our house sold within DAYS... DAYS! Talk about awesome but equally stressful. We went through some back and forth on one house, bailed on it, then found the house we ultimately purchased and are absolutely LOVING it.

Remember when I said I went on a few more adventures and that I might go back to work? I had a girls trip to College Station with some friends which was nice but quick - we had JUST moved into our house... and being pregnant on a girls trip just isn't quite the same, you know what I'm saying! Then we took a trip down to Port Aransas and stayed at Port Royal (who else called it Port Royale growing up?!?!) for my birthday - the big 3-1 whoop! You guys, they need help. Stay there. Spend money. That little town is struggling to get back what Hurricane Harvey took from it. Lastly, I started back to work. Different company, same concept, part time hours. It's been great. I haven't been able to put in as much as I would like but I feel human when I am working so that's fabulous!

August 2018 - Another girls trip to San Diego and LA with my bestie!! It was a blast. Already looking forward to the next one! I am so thankful for this time with my friend. More on this. I can't write everything in one post, you guys. We had some set backs with the house... AC repairs, new windows (delayed, twice), broken sewage main (barf!). However, everything is fixed, the poop is back flowing to where it belongs, and our home is nice and cool in this gazillion degree weather we have here in southeast Houston. Lastly, we celebrated 5 years of marriage! Three of the five, I've been pregnant - hoping that trend changes soon haha But more on this marriage stuff later!

Here we are, all caught up! Till next time, my dear hearts.

A letter to new mommas

Dear pregnant/new mom:

I've been thinking about you because I had and still have those same exact feelings of anxiety that you're struggling with before baby arrives. I also struggle with trying to be perfect. In my world, there isn't room for failure. Now that I am a parent, all I seem to do is fail and it's wearing on me.

I don't know if what I am about to say will make a whole lot of sense. I do wish, however, someone had told me these things before now. It's basically a lot of confessing and admitting the downfalls that I have as a person and as a parent.

Lately, the anxiety and the worry about being "good enough" and raising my kids the right way - being kind, with listening ears and obeying hearts - is through the roof. G is at the age where he is testing every possible limit, figuring his own way around his 2 year old world, and learning some hard lessons with lots of tears along the way. On the flip side, he is still the sweetest little kid and I am blessed that he is mine. However, the devil is really at work right now. In church a few Sundays ago, the pastor read a scripture that essentially said demons knew Jesus was the Holy One, Son of God. Satan knows where the links are the weakest in that moment and when to strike.  Praying through fear, praying through weakness has never been easy for me. In my experience, the enemy usually comes at me with a full on assault of my marriage and my self image. Satan knows where God is and he knows when and what to whisper into our desperate ears. He can worm his way into hearts that are desperately trying to overcome fear, desperately wanting to do the right thing, and desperately trying to hold it all together - these are a few of the many examples our world as a parent seem to hang by threads.

I don't say all of that to freak you out. I say it to remind you that God is with you, He is in your marriage, He is a cry out away. And so are your friends and family.

I have a confession: Good parenting is really, really difficult. Keyword here is "good". If it is hard, you're doing something right. I know that sounds crazy and like an oxymoron, but I know it to be true. I can't give you a special formula to get rid of the anxiety or the struggle to be the perfect mom. All I can say is that parenting is an adventure. It is full of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows. It is full of celebration and full of tears. It is the most rewarding job on the planet.

I mainly want you to know that you're not alone. It isn't talked about enough but please remember that there are other moms struggling right along with you and it is okay to reach out and to ask for help. I still don't know how to reach out all the time - to raise the white flag and ask for help. I'm getting there, though. I know that every time I get the courage to confide in someone that I come out feeling not quite as lost or alone. I also know the enemy tries even harder so keep your chin up and your prayers coming! Your spouse will be a major support to you but you'll also find that sometimes you will need a friend or family member to speak truth to you.

The ride is only beginning and I cannot wait for you to see and experience all that God has in store. I'm literally giddy with excitement for you! 

Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...

Well, I did it. I started my own business. It is an online women's boutique! I've only shared this dream of mine with a select few people and it's finally becoming a reality!

I did all the right things before starting... I had the idea, the passion, I sent prayers and consulted with my husband. I had the most realistic dream about it, read a book and some articles....then it hit me like a ton of bricks, pushing me right over the cliff... and so began LucyGrant.

I'm working on the website...I've purchased inventory... I've researched and advertised and set up all sorts of accounts... I've taken pictures and posted and reposted... But, I haven't made it big yet... YET!

Starting a business is truly a test of many things.

My patience has been tested
My self confidence has been tested
My faith has been tested
My abilities have been tested

But...

I know in my heart this is what I want to do. I know that through this new adventure, and trusting God, that I'll be able to glorify Him and His goodness.

Now for something you might not know...

I want to utilize my new business to inspire women. I want to empower them. I want to spread beauty and love. I want to help build up, restore and encourage. Self image, self worth, self confidence are all MAJORLY important to me. My hope is that, through LucyGrant, I will be able to reach the hearts of many and help them to know their worth in His name via encouraging messages, a new blog, and maybe the sale of a few pieces of clothing... in His name and not in vain.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Over it.

I've read one too many articles about stay at home moms (SAHMs) versus working outside the home moms. 

It truly is ridiculous some of the things that are thrown around as truth. 

Here's some truth for you... We all work hard, we all are doing the best we can in our situation, we are all making sacrifices every day! 

Do you think you deserve to be held up on a pedestal because you're a mom?? Is that what you thought you signed up for when you got pregnant? Do you feel entitled? 

News flash!!! No one gets a gold star or medal. Your sacrifices are part of the territory- whether you stay home or work outside the home. I learned that real quick. You sacrifice so much for your little(s) and husband... Your family. 

Think of the proverbs 31 woman- look how much she did for her household! She had a servants heart, contributed to her household (whether she had a job or stayed home) in so many ways, was her husband's biggest fan and support system, she was logical and methodical and was the foundation of her household. 

Did you think it was going to be a cake walk? Do you think God gave you more than you deserve? Wrong! You're in the exact place He wants you. 

Being a mom is hard work. Period. End of story. You don't get to breeze by "Go" or collect $200 just because. This isn't monopoly and you probably don't live on Park Place Ave. 

Get with the program... Dig down deep into that servants heart of yours... Pray for clarity and understanding in your situation and know that where you are, is exactly where God wants you. You're not better than anyone else in any situation. You do you, and no one else. 

You're a rockstar momma!! 

We have a 1 year old... Holy!

Time sped up the moment our little was born.

I have no idea how 12 months flew by, but they did.

Some days I didn't know if I would make it through the first year, and other times I felt on top of the world.

My husband and I were challenged in ways we never thought possible - how much we could love another person besides one another, how many times we would say "no", the ways we would deal with each other, and how we chose to parent.

It is important to remember the good and the not so good... here is what I want to remember.

• How alert he was as a newborn
• His "O" face
• The way his head was shaped by the vacuum 
• How beautiful his eyes are 
• The way his hair grew in, like a toupee
• His dancing and wiggling when music comes on
• His first steps in his 10th month
• The way he throws himself, arms wide open, at people
• When he shakes his head after being told "no-no"
• The time he climbed up on the fireplace
• How contently he will sit and listen to a story 
• The moments we share while nursing 
• His blow out diapers and some of the craziness associated 
• Bath time and his love for splashing water everywhere
• The way he says "mom" and "dada"
• How he points at stuff and says "dat" 
• His infectious laugh
• How he throws balls then waves his arm
• When he says "ah da" for "all done" and waves his hands
• How surprisingly easy it was to sleep train him 
• When he got his first two teeth at 3 months old 
• How excited he gets when he is on his little trampoline 

And I'm sure there is so much more. 

The one thing I want to remember, above all else, is the amazing feeling of unconditional love and being able to see it and be reminded of it on a daily basis 

Lessons learned

I've had quite a few jobs in my day - too many - however, I have learned some valuable lessons at each and I continue to learn even now.

 

Learning keeps us young and I plan to stay young for quite some time, thank you!

Job #1 - I learned the value of my position and appreciation from fellow employees only came with tenure. I should have held onto that because since job #1 I have had 6 others since college.

Job #2 - I didn't quite understand doing what you loved was important but I realized that this particular job was not quite what I loved, but I stuck it out for two years anyway. I learned a lot about people at this job - it was the first job where someone openly didn't like me, for no reason. It wasn't until a few jobs later that I understood how unimportant 100% acceptance was.

 

Job #3 - I thought this was the job for me. I loved it. But then I learned the hard way that being a workaholic wasn't very cool. It was a hard fact to face when I still didn't quite understand the difference between being a workaholic and being a hard worker. I got burnt out, landed in a hospital bed, and then shipped by butt back home.

 

Job #4 - I learned that everyone wants to make a buck and sometimes you land in a terrible position because someone made money off of you.

Job #5 - I learned that interviewing your potential employer is just as important as them interviewing you. However, knowing how to sell myself means there are other people who know how to sell themselves. It's a double edge sword - especially when you're faced with an "I CAN'T WIN" scenario - day in and day out.

 

Job #6 - I finally started to get it! I finally started to learn from my past mistakes in job searching and selection. It took four months to find this job, and even in all my desperation, I took this job because I felt it was the right fit for me. Surprisingly, this is where I learned the most about myself, what is important to me, and about being a true business woman. This is where I learned that there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING you can do to make certain people like you, let alone tolerate your existence. I still have to protect myself and I don't even work there anymore. I realized that there are people in this world who are truly missing out on what life has to offer because they are so concerned with comparing what they have, or don't have, to some outrageous and unjustifiable standard. I also realized that the "mean girls" in high school, also existed in the real world, and there again, is no explanation for it.

 

As much as I loved and enjoyed the work I was doing, I accepted the fact that I could not do it all, I could not wear 500 hats, and I could not balance 100 plates. End of story. I learned what a Queen Bee was and that I was a victim. Also, that any male boss is likely to be oblivious to the workings of a Queen Bee. Which really sucks. But then I decided that could be another learning point. I learned how to be tough, be a business woman, and let it "roll off like Teflon" as a friend has been telling my since college, and that there is always tomorrow. I learned to control my emotions and the difference between hard work and workaholic (finally!). I learned to do what I could, to do what I knew was right and that God would protect me from any evil doers. I noticed that praying throughout the day, asking God for protection and wisdom, were the ropes that pulled me through each day. And then I moved to be with G.

Job #7 - I don't love this job. I don't hate this job. I am good here. I have a work/life balance. I make a good living. I have Christian coworkers and an understanding boss. I have finally realized that I need to just sit and wait on God. I might be here 6 months or 6 years. There is room for advancement but I won't kill myself getting there. I haven't encountered any Queen Bees and I get to eat good food all week - it is a restaurant group after all.

 

I am in the process of fully understanding what it means to live life to the fullest. I am a dreamer and a planner and an inventor of all things outlandish. My mind never stops thinking about, "what next". What I want for my life one day might change 100 times (thankfully, G is a patient man!). To really take advantage of each day might mean one thing to me, and mean something totally different to next guy. To me it means, spending quality time with G, making time for the fun things (like shopping) and working in the not so fun chores of life (like cleaning), taking each opportunity to see family and friends, to leave work on time, to plan and talk about exciting events in your life (like a wedding, honeymoon, and eventually a new home and babies), to go on dates and eat fancy meals, to get out of town, to dream, and to just be me.

 

Don't let your life pass you by...you only get one of them. It saddens me when people say "I can't do this or that". You're the only person stopping you. You can take a vacation. You can go to lunch with your best girlfriends. You can fall in love all over with your spouse. You can make someone's day. You can sell your stuff and become a gypsy! Take what you learn every day and apply it to the next. Don't stop dreaming and believing that the world is your oyster, because it is, even if all you want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. There are lots of lessons to learn in life that will shape you into who you are and can help get you to who and where you want to be. Keep living. Keep dreaming. You're allowed.

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Such a baby!

My mom sends me stuff relatively often that leaves me rather choked up. I am such a baby. But it's good stuff, nonetheless! This is from a Proverbs 31 devotional she sent me this morning...

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)
 
Well, darn it all! I don't deserve a reward...at all! I believe in Him and have faith in Him but I'm not the most earnest seeker. And then, to top it all off, I fall more than short of the faith line. I was upset because there are things I want to let go of, that I've desperately TRIED to let go of, that I would much rather not ever worry about...but I know that I haven't given over full control of the situation.

It's those situations where if "x" would happen I would be happier, or if "y" were  a for sure thing then things would be awesome, etc. I am so afraid that He will keep telling me "no", over and over and over. I don't even think I'm afraid of being told "no" as much as I am afraid of having to accept it, get over it, be okay with it never happening. Here is a snippet of the devotional (full link is at the bottom):

"We can envision ourself with this thing, this person, this opportunity. And all things are better. So, why doesn’t God give us this longing of our heart?

Because He wants us to willingly release it to Him.

Ouch.

Not the answer we want. Why would God let the aching desire linger and not make things happen? He could. He’s certainly able. But when He doesn’t it seems unfair. Not good. Confusing.

It’s easy to get down when we’re constantly let down."

That scares the living day lights out of me!!! That's why I was acting a fool and tearing up earlier. It's most definitely NOT what I wanted to hear. I'm big on that, wanting to hear certain things, and that's never a good idea.

The lady writing the devotional is trying to sell me on the idea that if I were to just "let go and let God" that I would be rewarded. But I just CANNOT imagine letting go of some of my biggest hopes and dreams - especially when there are so many in my life who keep trying to encourage me ( and some who reprimand me and incessantly point out my mistakes). I want to believe that I have DESIRES in my heart for a REASON. I want to believe my friends and family when they say "your time will come".

All I can do is pray for God to change my heart's unmet longings. I don't think I will ever be okay with accepting "no" as the final answer unless my heart can rest easy with peace and understanding. Call me stubborn...

Dear Lord, I sacrifice chasing this so I might more fully and with more focus chase You. I release this grip of desire. I praise You for who You are, what only You can bring, and how You will fill whatever gap this release might leave. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Her words, not mine...but important prayer to be said.

The link to the devotional, as promised!