Preface
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/my-married-life-blog-post.aspx?post=79079759-b1ff-4552-9336-e14b385c729d
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/#.TupRyvV33vM.facebook
OK – at first I was sad. Now, I am just plain pissed off.
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/my-married-life-blog-post.aspx?post=79079759-b1ff-4552-9336-e14b385c729d
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/#.TupRyvV33vM.facebook
OK – at first I was sad. Now, I am just plain pissed off.
This is ridiculous. No, not the prevalence of this topic in the news (we all know how reporters can be, beating a dead horse), but rather the fact it’s in the news at all. It’s disheartening for those of us who are still single or not yet married. Very disheartening.
Are people so afraid to have truthful, completely bare, authentic relationships that they would rather just live in a fantasy world, playing house and cohabitating like it’s no big deal? In fear that they might get hurt or actually have to committ to something? What happened to Biblical truth? What happened to the institution that is marriage? The perfect union it once was viewed as has been tarnished and down trodden. I can’t even say specifically who is to blame. We are. Society. We let this happen. We allowed and encouraged people to take up for what is “right” and what is theirs (sounds like another case of Occupy Wall Street). People, becoming so obsessed about “making it on their own” and doing things for their benefit only, are the number one contributing factor to the decline in marriages today. No one is perfect – if you’re waiting on the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long, long time. In my opinion.
It’s not my place to judge you. If you want to live your life and truly feel that living your life means doing everything on your own, that’s your prerogative. It’s just really sad that people are so disconnected these days – from each other, from the world, from families and friends.
On top of all of that – the priority from keeping your marriage in tact above all else has shifted to being all about the children. A very very VERY good friend of mine once told me that whenever I get married that my priority must always remain my husband. She said, and her point is 100% legit, that children will grow up and leave and you will always have the person you started with – your husband or wife. Losing sight of the meaning of marriage, procreating on purpose outside of marriage, living together before marriage or without any regard to marriage – breaks my heart and only leads to the broken hearts of others.
A marriage should be fun. It should be hard work. It’s not meant to be scary or disabling. It’s an emotional struggle. It’s not meant to be a chore. Marriage is so much more than just “living together”. It should be you and your best friend. The person who loves you for you. Who can make you laugh or push the right button to make you cry. The person who knows your heart, the real you. The person you can do anything with or nothing at all. Your spouse shouldn’t be the person it is because they make a good living, have a nice fancy job, drive an expensive car, can provide for you in a financial way only, and have good genes to make beautiful babies. Yes, those things are nice and it would be awesome if that’s the way it was but waiting and hoping for something to happen does not mean it’s going to.
God has a plan. He designed marriage for a reason. Marriage is good. It is right. It cannot become obsolete. It should be cherished. We are given all the tools we need to make marriage work. And if it doesn’t work or hasn’t worked for you, does not mean it’s an all together bad thing.
Still pretty mad. Might write about this again. It just irks me. People can be really selfish sometimes. It’s amazing. I get it if “marriage” isn’t what you want. I know it’s not for everyone. But for the reasons that people are avoiding it, that’s the part I’m upset about. What are people trying to prove or accomplish?
1 comment:
Jes,
I like your thoughts on marriage, I believe it should be one of the greatest things that should happen to you in your life. I honestly can't wait. However, I do think marriage predates biblical texts and is more of a society-imposed must-have. I think society forces marriages because it is an old tradition that allowed for perceived "stability" for a couple, not to mention the inevitable next step.
My mom once told me not to waste a girl's time if I wasn't planning on marrying her - that it wasn't fair or nice for either. I lived with that mantra until a few years ago and I found out -- that didn't make any sense. I'm living one life, that's it - I need to enjoy the company of others and experience life. That doesn't mean I sleep around, far from it, but it does mean I should seek opportunities to figure out who I am and what I like. I agree marriage is a commitment, but it's unfair to another individual if you haven't explored yourself enough to know what you like and what you don't.
We live too short of lives to believe we're going to get everything right - that includes the "ideal" marriage.
Everything evolves including beliefs and people; it doesn't mean we're becoming more disconnected if we're not marrying - it's just means we're less naive; waiting longer, exploring options. One part that scares me is you never will truly know the thoughts of another person, you may want to believe you can - but innately they still hold back while portraying a smile.
Another item that's a little confusing for me is the honeymoon phase. When you meet someone for the first time (just like getting a new job) comes with it 'butterflies in the stomach' effect that can really magnify the slightest attraction that may fade after time passes. That's why falling head over heels for someone is dangerous, but fun ;) Should I think about marriage in the first 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 months, 5 years???
I've never lived with a significant other my whole life and I'd like to try it one day; at least once. I can't pretend to know how that will play out, or how the other person will be. But I'd like to give that a chance before marrying the person. Interestingly enough, people who live together prior marriage are more likely to divorce. So do you jump all in, or do you feel it out? I'm not sure, I'm not sure it's a item anyone knows.
You just have to try and take the chance when you feel it.
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