Wiser, just not older

I’ve wanted to write something like this for so many YEARS but never had the courage. I was once a 20- something with goals of being the CEO, helping to grow teams of people and an organization that was “going places”. Maybe it’s because I’m 31 now, clearly not a 20-Something. Maybe it’s because my life looks SO different than what I imagined and I’m loving this season and definitely believe God knows what He is doing. Maybe it’s because I don’t work at the place where a lot of these thoughts stem from. I have hesitated because I didn’t want to come off as disgruntled, though there is surely room for that, or immature, because that’s  the exact image I’m fighting against. 

I have worked (paid, unpaid, along side friends and family, as a volunteer, etc) with so many different types of people. Amazing people, despite differences. Younger people. Older people. People from all cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life. 

You have too, I’m sure! 

I have to say though, the people I enjoy being around and working with most are those who genuinely value me, my opinions and ideas, and who know my worth even more than I do.  Not just bosses or leaders that I’ve come to admire and respect, but certain peers as well. 

This isn’t to make myself feel better. No, this is for all those “other” people. Those people who look at the age of a person, their seemingly “limited” experience, even the way someone looks, and let’s not forget the gender factor. I’ve caught myself, one way or another, apologizing for my age, for my lack of experience in whatever the person was looking for, for the fact that I look even younger than my actual 20-Something age, and even for the fact that ... yep, I’m a woman. 

Crazy, right? I agree. 

What’s even more absurd is the fact that I’ve ever, EVER even felt the need to feel apologetic about those things. There were so many good ideas missed and passed over because of those few things mentioned above. So for the “others” here is some advice, culminating from YEARS of being passed over:

First and foremost, don’t EVER pass someone over based on their age, looks, gender, or past experience. Organizations are not “good ole boy” clubs. If you’re younger, remember who gave you a shot and keep in mind that they’re the reason you’re even in the position you’re in. If millinnials annoy you because they seem to only complain, maybe you’re just not listening or maybe you’re not helping them understand. If your allegiance is to a group of people who don’t embrace change, are afraid of and intimidated by younger people with less experience, and/or who don’t have a growth mindset and you’re too feeble to invite others in to that group, you’re going to struggle. If your job is to generate growth then you better learn to embrace trials, errors, ideas, opinions and change. Your greatest asset will be listening to your team and empowering individuals - from the receptionist to the CEO - so learn how to do that, quickly. 

If you see a spark in someone, cultivate it! Don’t put it out because they intimidate you and because you have the power to do so. Embrace and mentor them. Guide them. Love them. 

All this to say, you will suffer, whatever it is you’re working towards will suffer and so will the person you’re scrutinizing, if you don’t get some awareness, stat. It will take that person a lot of rejection and heartbreak to learn that, it wasn’t them. Unfortunately for the firecracker that got away, you and others like you, or the entire organization just weren’t ready for them, yet. 

I have a new perspective now. I sit behind a desk for less than a few hours a day, and when I’m there, my view is that of a playroom of toys scattered around. What I am certain of, though, is that my experience has only made me better, wiser, some may say more intimidating, but I’ll be damned if I’m not more proud of myself than ever. I am surrounded by people who seek me, my experience, advice and/or opinions and my tenacity. 

I’m so thankful for my spark. 

Adult Nightmares

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion. 

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me. 

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.  

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise. 

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow. 

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful  I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man. 

And goodness if this isn't the truth... 

Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...

Well, I did it. I started my own business. It is an online women's boutique! I've only shared this dream of mine with a select few people and it's finally becoming a reality!

I did all the right things before starting... I had the idea, the passion, I sent prayers and consulted with my husband. I had the most realistic dream about it, read a book and some articles....then it hit me like a ton of bricks, pushing me right over the cliff... and so began LucyGrant.

I'm working on the website...I've purchased inventory... I've researched and advertised and set up all sorts of accounts... I've taken pictures and posted and reposted... But, I haven't made it big yet... YET!

Starting a business is truly a test of many things.

My patience has been tested
My self confidence has been tested
My faith has been tested
My abilities have been tested

But...

I know in my heart this is what I want to do. I know that through this new adventure, and trusting God, that I'll be able to glorify Him and His goodness.

Now for something you might not know...

I want to utilize my new business to inspire women. I want to empower them. I want to spread beauty and love. I want to help build up, restore and encourage. Self image, self worth, self confidence are all MAJORLY important to me. My hope is that, through LucyGrant, I will be able to reach the hearts of many and help them to know their worth in His name via encouraging messages, a new blog, and maybe the sale of a few pieces of clothing... in His name and not in vain.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Exercising

My First Amendment right, that is!

Lots of media attention for the duck dynasty guy, Phil Robertson, lately.

There are a few issues/thoughts here that come to my mind – lots of time in the car road tripping to Disney World produces this kind of blog post (you thought this was going to be about our trip, didn't you??).

· If this was a person of the LGBT community, it would have the same media attention and the premise would still be the same – freedom of speech

· The media portrayal of Phil Robertson is as hypocritical as a black (excuse me, African American) calling a white (oh sorry, Caucasian) person a “racist (insert white slang here)” or visa versa and with other races! A white person (Caucasian) calling a Mexican (Hispanic???) a bad word but yet, the Mexican is the racist? Think about it. How “okay” is it for someone to call someone else hurtful words and stereotype them but yet, the one being ridiculed is the racist and in the wrong? That’s gross. You could argue and say racism is a freedom of speech, sure. Does that make racism ok? In my opinion, no, but others might think differently. Same goes for what Phil said – just because you and your dog don’t agree or do agree, whatever, it doesn't matter! That’s the beauty of the freedom of speech and the world we live in.

· Similarly, I saw a few posts about him being a ‘dumb redneck’… That’s hypocritical and, who are you to say he is a redneck? What the heck is a redneck? You’re no better for calling him names than he is for exercising his right to free speech – say what you want! Arguing his ‘redneckness’ doesn't make you the winner of this debate, just sayin’!

· There was a part of Phil’s conversation with the reporter that was cut off… He says, “we never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ‘em, give ‘em the good news about Jesus – whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ‘em out later, you see what I’m saying?” That is so foundational for any Christian – do not judge, spread the Good News of Jesus, love one another – it’s not rocket science (or Christian Science for that matter)!

· And in case you missed it, here is an official statement from the Robertson family - http://duckcommander.com/news/robertson-family-offical-statement. My favorite part is this – “Phil is a Godly man who follows what the Bible says are the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Going back to point #2 – LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF – do not judge others or blame them based on a stereotype.

· I don’t mean to offend anyone or shove religion down anyone’s throat… that’s not the point. The point is freedom of speech. I have plenty of friends in the LGBT community, several are very good friends of mine, and I would never and have never thought “differently” of them. You want to hear about Disney World? Lots of lesbian and gay couples – everywhere. And we could have cared less. We were there to see Disney world, not spend our time muttering words of hate under our breath. The point is– love your neighbor as yourself, whether or not you’re lesbian, Muslim, gay, purple, Mexican, Hindu, what the heck ever.

· Hey Jack, and another thing – he is human. Have you never said something that caused you to immediately smack yourself on the head and think “why did I just say that?”? I do it all the time, unfortunately. The curse of the blabber mouth. If he had said the comment in point #3 before whatever he said about the LGBT community, the media still would have cut it out. Or, better yet, if he had said it in a slightly different way, what would they have done? They saw an opportunity to exploit someone, so they did it! They feed off all the idiots (including me) who support one side or the other. But, I have a blog and you will listen to what I have to say – Ok? Thanks! Kidding.

· ALSO – FYI – YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ OR LISTEN TO THE CRAP YOU SEE IN THE NEWS! Surprise, surprise – as much of a right as it is to speak freely, it’s also your right to look away and ignore. But thanks for getting to the end of this post!

Just calm the heck down, please?

I like the show, actually. I didn't like the thought of someone throwing us a Duck Dynasty theme wedding shower, but the show is decent. It’s mindless television but a good, moral, clean type of mindless. I don’t like hunting or camo or ducks but it’s someone’s lifestyle and that’s why people watch… we, the human RACE, are obsessed with others’ lives. Tell me you’re not and I will laugh at you because you’re engaged in at least one of the following - you’re reading this, you have a facebook, and/or you watch at least one reality TV show.

Case closed - Happy, happy, happy freedom of speech!

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Extremely long, and incredibly uneventful - kind of

Well, it’s been a while. What’s new?  Nothing really. Life isn’t an amazing race but it isn’t too boring. I am doing things a bit differently and I’ve actually accomplished a resolution or two! Here’s a recap:

1.       I read a book! I know that wasn’t on my “blog version” of resolutions but it’s been on my mind a while. The whole point is that I love movies and I like to read but I don’t get many recommendations. I decided to read the book before seeing the movie since many movies are made from books. “Extremely Loud and Incredible Close” was started January 15^th and finished January 21^st around 5:45pm; just in time for the movie at 8:35. I hadn’t even seen a preview! All in all it was an awesome movie.  The younger crowd at the theater was a bit of a shock.  Not too sure they fully understood.  However, as I write this I realize I am confused. I feel like I misread but surely I didn’t.  That just might be a downfall to reading the book before seeing the movie. Major parts were altered but they both were amazing. I took note of two other ‘book turned movie’ flicks.

2.       Giving second chances – hasn’t been going too well.  May need to revise this one. I am a firm believer in that some people are meant to only be in your life for a time, a season… they serve a purpose and that’s all. Whether or not we know or understand what that reason is, is a whole other story!

3.       Saying “no” to things. I’m finally catching on. Saying “no” doesn’t always mean I am mad or just being a jerk. It simply means I have to do what’s right to protect my heart. Minimizes stress and worry, that’s for sure!

4.       Random thought – I feel lately, due to less blogging (maybe?) that my head fills with thoughts a lot faster. Like I can’t put them into words fast enough.  Some nonsense; some profound.  For example, I had to get this all out right now. The past few weeks I’ve wanted to write about songs, and quotes, and God and now that book. All week I have been wanted to tell how awesome it was and how I related to it. I might revisit number 1.

5.       Traveling – I went to San Angelo! I visited my BFF, K.  We had an awesome time. Even though San Angelo, TX isn’t the most exciting place, it was so great o do a whole lot of nothing. It was really nice to catch up and spend quality time watching the Food Network, HGTV, and Style.  I love my friend.  Being so much at the same point in life with someone is a blessing; knowing someone understands your heart is huge! It’s so great to be there for someone and have them there for you no matter what.  Those are the people, unlike the few in #2, that are ‘lifers’.  I am blessed to have many. So traveling is getting accomplished – just need to plan a big trip soon! But corpus in 2 weeks will be nice – visiting another couple ‘lifers’!

6.       So, I failed one of my resolutions.  Less doctor visits.  Nothing major but I learned my lesson about waiting out any type of pain.  If it hurts or something doesn’t feel right, see a doc! So I did. I am fine. Meds are helpful. However, googling something the day before about issues encountered after an appendectomy totally jinxed me!

So back to the book/movie. Book first.  Book was awesome.  The little boy is incredible. Oskar Schell. Loved him and still think he is real.  If he were, we’d be friends.  I think we are very similar.  In the book, he would ‘invent’ things in his mind – it was his way of dealing with the current situation or how he was feeling. He also did it to take his mind off of things.  He would come up with all these crazy inventions and ideas like pocket extensions, buildings that moved instead of having elevators, incredibly long limos, and everyone having the same heart beat the way women who live together have the same menstrual cycle. He would always have an elaborate idea to answer the question “why” or “how”. In a similar way I use hopes and dreams to deal with things or situations.  Sometimes, and this happens often or more than it should, I can dream up an entire new life.  Maybe that’s why I played with barbies so much and for so long! I dealt/deal with things by way of dream. When things get bad or when I have hope in something or someone – my dreams run away with my reality. This is not always a good thing.

The book had many elements that the movie did not.  However, if it were to contain the exact same content, the movie would be awfully long.  Also, the comedic relief in the book was severely lacking in the movie. The movie gave me ‘heavy boots’. That’s what Oskar would always say in regard to his mood.  He had light or heavy boots. The book was written so well.  To the point.  The love and feeling of the person speaking poured onto the page.  When the child was narrating/speaking, you felt him. Even when it switched to letters written by the grandparents, the words were so heartfelt. The grandma, in the book, would always tell Oskar, “I hope you never think of anyone as much as I think about you” and at first I was confused, but now – I know who I might tell that to one day. My niece, I love that little woman to pieces.

The book was confusing sometimes. But so real. It represented every human emotion so well. I could go on and on about the book.  There were so many thoughts I had at one point.  I loved the ending.  Life is never simple. We all need closure.  Closure is something I think a lot of us struggle with.  It’s a very difficult thing to obtain.  Part of me believes it just happens.  It’s a timing issue.  Some find closure for things way before others.  I also believe the rate in which one finds closure is very situational. 

Few random thoughts before I go

1. I love my job.  Each day is different and exciting and busy.  I am so blessed to be where I am, with the people I am there with.  It’s a great feeling- doing what you love – and knowing it will be like that for many, many years. Very exciting!

2. do you ever think about something and realize that with each thought/inquiry/research attempt, you actually begin to understand less.  What would that be called? Irony? A paradox? A coincidence? Whatever it is, it sucks. It provides an individual with absolutely no closure.

3. All natural, unsweetened cranberry juice sucks

4. I love that I still dream even if those dreams might never come true. Someone has to have hope right? Even if it hurts in the end. For example – me as an amazing bakery chef, a mom, a book critic, a marathon runner, etc.

Have an awesome week. Keep dreaming J we all have a little Oskar Schell in us!

Society annoys me sometimes

Preface

 http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/my-married-life-blog-post.aspx?post=79079759-b1ff-4552-9336-e14b385c729d

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2011/12/marriage-rate-falls-to-record-low-in-u-s-pew-says/#.TupRyvV33vM.facebook

OK – at first I was sad. Now, I am just plain pissed off.

This is ridiculous. No, not the prevalence of this topic in the news (we all know how reporters can be, beating a dead horse), but rather the fact it’s in the news at all. It’s disheartening for those of us who are still single or not yet married.  Very disheartening.

Are people so afraid to have truthful, completely bare, authentic relationships that they would rather just live in a fantasy world, playing house and cohabitating like it’s no big deal?  In fear that they might get hurt or actually have to committ to something? What happened to Biblical truth? What happened to the institution that is marriage? The perfect union it once was viewed as has been tarnished and down trodden.  I can’t even say specifically who is to blame. We are. Society. We let this happen. We allowed and encouraged people to take up for what is “right” and what is theirs (sounds like another case of Occupy Wall Street). People, becoming so obsessed about “making it on their own” and doing things for their benefit only, are the number one contributing factor to the decline in marriages today. No one is perfect – if you’re waiting on the perfect person, you’re going to be waiting a long, long time. In my opinion.

It’s not my place to judge you. If you want to live your life and truly feel that living your life means doing everything on your own, that’s your prerogative. It’s just really sad that people are so disconnected these days – from each other, from the world, from families and friends.

On top of all of that – the priority from keeping your marriage in tact above all else has shifted to being all about the children. A very very VERY good friend of mine once told me that whenever I get married that my priority must always remain my husband. She said, and her point is 100% legit, that children will grow up and leave and you will always have the person you started with – your husband or wife. Losing sight of the meaning of marriage, procreating on purpose outside of marriage, living together before marriage or without any regard to marriage – breaks my heart and only leads to the broken hearts of others.

A marriage should be fun. It should be hard work. It’s not meant to be scary or disabling. It’s an emotional struggle. It’s not meant to be a chore. Marriage is so much more than just “living together”.  It should be you and your best friend. The person who loves you for you. Who can make you laugh or push the right button to make you cry. The person who knows your heart, the real you. The person you can do anything with or nothing at all.  Your spouse shouldn’t be the person it is because they make a good living, have a nice fancy job, drive an expensive car, can provide for you in a financial way only, and have good genes to make beautiful babies. Yes, those things are nice and it would be awesome if that’s the way it was but waiting and hoping for something to happen does not mean it’s going to.

God has a plan. He designed marriage for a reason. Marriage is good. It is right. It cannot become obsolete. It should be cherished. We are given all the tools we need to make marriage work.  And if it doesn’t work or hasn’t worked for you, does not mean it’s an all together bad thing.

Still pretty mad. Might write about this again. It just irks me. People can be really selfish sometimes. It’s amazing. I get it if “marriage” isn’t what you want. I know it’s not for everyone. But for the reasons that people are avoiding it, that’s the part I’m upset about. What are people trying to prove or accomplish?

This is awesome

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/155219-sarah-bessey-why-women-s-ministry-needs-jesus.html#.Tt4klKAA8zs.facebook

Read that. Please. It's not long - don't be lazy! Then read what I am going to say :) Please!

I have been part of two adult women bible/book studies. The first one was way over my head. I was 20/21 and the study talked about being married, being a mom, and growing old(er). The group of girls was great; all very nice and inviting. The hardest part was building an authentic relationship with them. It was a relatively large group so that made it a bit more difficult. And two - they were all much older, more mature in their faith, and were either married, engaged or seriously dating someone.

I am really big on authentic, genuine relationships these days. With each year I get older - believe it or not - I get wiser. I cannot put a price tag on the value of a real friendship or relationship. Knowing someone - their heart, their dreams, their struggles, their past, present, and future are all crucial, in my opinion, to showing the love of Christ. Love is greater than all things.

The second small group I was part of met on Saturday mornings. I was invited by a girl I had met at a dog park in Dallas. She lived close and assured me there would only be a few other girls. The book she wanted to study seemed intriguing - so I went. The first meeting we had was awesome. We all shed several tears, walls came down, hearts were exposed - and that is when I realized what a small group should be. I haven't been the best at keeping up with those girls since moving, but they are amazing. It was truly a safe place - no one dressed up, put on make up (it was 8 or 9 on a saturday morning),  or felt the need to impress anyone. It was real. It was authentic.

I challenge you to focus on the people in your life. Evaluate your relationships. Build them up. Show people the love of Christ.

Deductibles, Donations, and Deductions

Money sucks. Doesn’t it? It does. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy, a catch-22 type thing. Sometimes you feel like you will never get out of a hole you might be in but aren’t saying you’re in because you’re ashamed that you might possibly even be in that situation. Working in the field I work in, I’ve learned that even wealthy people make poor financial decisions – the bad part is, the repercussions  they face are greater than us poor or middle-class folk’s might face. Mo’ money, mo’ problems – as the philosophers of the rap world say.  So, today it’s about money.

Money and the holidays, two things that go hand in hand, creating the perfect storm of stress and worry. This year I am doing what I should have done as soon as I was out of my parents’ house. This year financial contributions will be made in the name of my loved ones to charities in lieu of gifts.  Each member of my immediate family will admit that if they want something, they can get in their car, go to the store, and buy it. We are fortunate. We are blessed. No, we aren’t buying Ferrari’s or multiple pairs of Louboutin shoes, or even Tiffany’s jewelry for ourselves. Our needs have been met, that’s all.  

I am actually really proud of myself. I have never been good at saving money or budgeting. But, when forced to do the inevitable, I had to get good at those things – and fast. Ever heard of an insurance deductible? Well, I met mine this year after a lovely appendectomy. I never knew what ‘deductible’ really meant because it was usually always in the thousands-of-dollars range so it was of no concern that I would ever ‘meet it’. Now I am an insurance knowledgebase.  I was forced, around June, to begin budgeting my spending and to create a pay-down plan for my astronomical (to me at least) deductible that I had, unfortunately, met. I am proud to announce that I will actually be able to use the medical deduction on my taxes this year! It’s been tough but well worth it. I haven’t splurged at a mall in months and I am actually going to survive! Through the months of budgeting and making ends meet, I was able to go on several trips and haven’t felt burdened at all.

I think that’s what has inspired my new approach to gift giving this year. Knowing that I am ok without material items has shown me how insignificant ‘stuff’ is at times.

This year is going to be different (except for my niece, she’s a baby, she gets tangible gifts!) This year my priorities will be better organized. This year is going to be a struggle, but finally not financially. This year I am going to try to focus on why we gather for Thanksgiving and the true meaning of Christmas. Instead of joining the mad dashers, and die hard sale finders for “Black Friday” shopping, I will be relaxing at my parents’ house after a fabulous meal the day before, without a stress or worry in the world (maybe, I can dream, can’t I???). This year it’s not about the ‘stuff’ I might be given or receive. This year I will be filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/78831884/ministry-of-poster-r044-fruit-of-the

 

#3 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series} - Final

Preface (from the 1st post and 2nd post in the series)- Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one a day until I run out of things to say about them. I have to limit it to one [or two!]  a day so I don’t bore you with my chatter:

Do you catch yourself being cynical? Defensive? Contemptuous? How about slightly jaded from past experiences? Do you hold grudges? Is forgiveness hard? When people tell you to “let it go” do you want to punch them? Maybe not that dramatic, I know, but we all feel this way sometimes. If you don’t, just close your browser window and walk away, go see a counselor, because you’re in denial. (kidding)

“Change your thoughts and you’ll change the world”

YOUR thoughts, not someone else’s. You WILL change the world. I am guilty of assuming the person on the street corner is an alcoholic or druggie. I read a friend’s blog that talked about how her and her husband befriended a homeless couple (read about it here) and it really convicted me. Not all things are as they appear. Not all governmental figures are bad. Not all evangelists are in it for the money. Not all house wives are spoiled rotten. Not all clearance items at the mall are great deals. Changing the way we think, changes the way we interact with others, encourages and inspires positivity, and thus, can possibly change the world at a miniscule level or gargantuan level. The next poster, wall hanging, décor item is an excellent embellishment and compliment to this one; in other words, it completes my thought.

  

The other morning I performed a random act of kindness.

I was really early to work. Hungry, I decided to make a drive-thru run (VERY out of the ordinary for me) but I couldn’t help but think how good an egg and cheese taco sounded! I think I felt bad going through the drive through, first of all, and then realized I should probably bring some for my office. I would like to consider myself the taco fairy.

Yes, it was only tacos – but do you know how many “thank you’s” I received? Sometimes a taco goes a long way. I’m not a saint, just a taco fairy!

I remember in elementary school they were always talking about random acts of kindness. I couldn’t agree more, with the importance and effect said acts can have on a person, a family, a life, a city, a country, our world. Just like big gifts come in small packages, small acts can have a far-reaching, profound, and contagious effect on our lives. Movies like Babel and Crash always make me realize how we are all connected in some way. Surely you’ve received an act of kindness within the past week, pay it forward today. Set a goal – perform one act a week, then bump it up to twice a week, then maybe small acts every day.

See how you feel. Keep the cycle going. Change the world.

"Don't buy children for sex"

DID YOU KNOW....

12 Million children are kidnapped or sold into slavery each year.  200,000 children are smuggled into the United States of America each year.  Human trafficking of children is the 2nd largest growing crime in the world according to the United Nations.  In 2008, the Department of Justice released an alarming discovery: An estimated 300,000 children  between the ages of 11 and 18 are lured into trafficking are American Citizens. (Embassy of Hope Center website)

A few months ago I had the privilege of attending an event hosted by three beautiful (inside and out) girls C, C, & C (seriously). The event's purpose was to open the eyes and hearts of fellow friends to sex trafficking, promote knowledge of local sex trafficking, what all trafficking entails, and ways to help. There were snacks and items for sale from Eternal Threads, guest speakers, and incredible testimony by two sex trafficked, abused victims. Embassy of Hope Center's Elizabeth Crooks was one of the speakers who divuldged TONS of good-to-know information (along with a few other guest speakers).

To make a long story short, the title of this post is the ad campaign that Embassy of Hope Center and Shared Hope International have come up with to bring a provocative message to our city. In a message they write, "A cry for help. Reports are made. Investigation begins. The result? A child is rescued from the crime of human trafficking in San Antonio. A trafficker is prosecuted. Justice advances...San Antonio children are lured into a pimp culture that wants ownership of their spirit, soul, and bodies.  Manipulation is the game = capital gain. While drugs are sold once, a child is a precious commodity that is sold again and again."

The cost of the billboard is $4,000 per month per billboard. If 80 people donated $50, the board could get put up.

I encourage you, with everything in me, to host a gathering to sell eternal threads merchandise and get the word out about human trafficking in the USA and your community. It's just like hosting a Pampered Chef, Stella & Dot, or Scentsy party. It will be near-effortless, life changing, educational, eye-opening, and a huge blessing to so many victims.

If you would like to learn more about hosting a human trafficking awareness and Eternal Threads event, please contact me and I can help get it going! You don't have to sell anything, buy anything, give away anything, just open your home and invite your friends. If one person tells ten people, and each of those ten tell another ten, think of how quickly we can help promote, prevent, and eventually end trafficking in our local communities.

To donate to the ad campaign click here. To learn more about trafficking and what you can do, visit Embassy of Hope Center.  To purchase items from Eternal Threads, shop online. To contact me, click here.

[Eternal Threads establishes sustainable methods of helping women and their families, who live in poverty to increase their income enabling them to educate their children, buy nutritious food and medicine and other basic necessities. Increased livelihood will also help mitigate the risk of trafficking and exploitation that women and children in extreme poverty face.]

[Embassy of Hope Center is a 501(c)3, faith based, non-profit organization that specializes in professional training on issues of human trafficking, prevention education for at risk youth, and survivor care. Their services include advocacy for survivors and family reintegration assistance for exploited men, women, and children who are victims of crime such as forced prostitution, pronography, stripping, and other types of human trafficking.]

#2 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series}

Preface (from the 1st post in the series)- Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one a day until I run out of things to say about them. I have to limit it to one [or two!]  a day so I don’t bore you with my chatter:

“You are here, be present” - This speaks volumes to modern day society. I can’t even say “this generation” or “American society” because it is addressing everyone. To the students trying to do homework at Starbucks, distracted by Facebook and iTunes downloading, to the stay at home moms, grandparents, etc.  who can’t get off their iPhone apps (words with friends, for example), to the twenty-something striving to be a professional by today’s standards, we are all somewhere else most of the time. Yes, I’ve been in situations where someone, older than I am, told a coworker and friend that having an iPhone or smart phone was necessary to the advancement of their career; this ‘boss’ also said  having emails sent to it was a way to measure professionalism and one’s  drive to move up in a firm. Seriously???? This friend of mine, at the time, hardly even knew how to answer a cell phone!

Yes, I know, I’m one to talk. Counting down the days to when I will get my new iPhone 4S in the mail, I have no right to speak. However, how many times do you think about walking away from the person you’re trying to have a conversation with, you know, the one who hardly looks up from their ‘smart’ device to truly understand you or hear you?  Have you ever thought about telling someone, “you’re here, be present”?  Sounds harsh but maybe we need to do that sometimes.

Note to friends/family - I am really digging a hole here, aren’t I?

Turn off the world around you, or at least let it go for a few hours a day. Don’t tell the world what you’re doing via Facebook. Don't pull a Kardashian move and make your entire life public - you don't HAVE to. Don’t answer every call because each one is not SO IMPORTANT that your life depends on it. Answer your text messages after dinner. Let your work emails rack up – the hours of 8-5 are there for a reason. Everything in moderation – that doesn’t just go for food. Generate, foster, cultivate real, authentic relationships…and just be still.

Jack-o-Lanterns for dinner!

PS - check this out too!

Is it too late to post this???? Halloween was JUST yesterday! I don’t think it’s too late. Jack-o’s should be for all of Fall. They are fall colors, aren’t they? I am posting it. So here you go! (PS - sounds like a lot of work but it's not!!!!)

I had some WONDERFUL company last night, good friend from middle school (even though we knew of each other before but didn’t like each other!), high school, college, and beyond…oh and she is now my neighbor…came over for a glass of wine and girl talk.

We talked about our weekend, our joys, and our struggles; laughed and related to one another all while we drank some “Steak and Potatoes”. It’s this really awesome wine I tried at the Alon Market HEB (had to specify because this HEB is the best HEB in all of SA). The sample guy didn’t even card me! So I felt obligated. Anyways, it’s the closest thing I will ever get to eating steak and potatoes so there you go.

While we talked I mixed together the following in a large bowl:

1lb of ground turkey, raw  – 93/7 (had to use 85/15 because there wasn’t any 93/7 at the time)

1 long squeeze of Dijon mustard (should have been about ¼ cup)

1 heaping dollop of Enchilada Sauce (mild, medium, whatever – it should be about ½ cup or so)

1 small onion, chopped (I don’t care if you use white, yellow, green, purple, or brown – I used yellow)

1 small tomato or half a large tomato, chopped – or more, play with it!

2-4 cloves fresh pressed garlic – I used 4, we love garlic

4 slices of whole wheat bread, cubed – this makes the mixture thick – weird I know but good!

After I mixed everything thoroughly, CW (neighbor friend) and I got to work on our bell peppers. You will need about 4-8 bell peppers (whatever color, flavor you like). I found the kind with relatively flat bottoms so they would stand up. I had 4 but there was about half the meat mix left over – will probably cook it up tonight for tacos or something or make turkey burgers out of it.

Anyways – take a tiny paring knife and carve out your Jack-o. Be careful not to get too intricate or the poor pepper will fall apart. After you carve out a face, cut off the top of the pepper. All the seeds, or most, will stick to the top. Cut them all off and carefully scrap out and rinse your Jack-o-Lantern. See our cuties below:

Then you will stuff them lightly, don’t pack the meat mixture down (I don't know why, just don’t do it). We filled ours up and put their little caps, seed-free, back on top, arranged them on my new pampered chef mini bar pan (so cute), and baked them at 350 for 1 hour.

With about ten minutes left we took off the lids and put some Mexican blend cheese on top and let them finish baking.

CW's Pumpkin - looks like he is drooling!

His face got a little distored - they shrivle up and look 'scary' - so fun!

As a side I steamed some asparagus. Most people don’t like it but that’s because it’s not cooked right. Put your asparagus, with 1 inch of the ends cut off, in a large sauce pan with water and a pinch of salt. The water should cover them. As the water heats up and begins to boil, your asparagus (that’s like ‘deer’ – no plural alternative) will start to turn bright green. You know they are done when a fork slides through them easily but they aren’t soggy (about 5-10 minutes). Serve immediately with another pinch of salt for flavor.

And VIOLA – Jack-o’s in the pumpkin (bell pepper) patch!

Straight vs. Snaggletooth

If you need to justify your own or other peoples’ crooked teeth by creating a trend out of it, then you are in serious need of help. Yes, I just saw an article on MSN’s homepage (my go-to source for all the latest happenings in the world, and my homepage that I, apparently, am not allowed to change – company idiosyncrasy) that read “Are Crooked Teeth the Next Big Beauty Trend?”.  Really? So because Kate Moss has slightly crooked teeth, we all should? No. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my teeth aren’t perfect by any means. Shoot, this isn’t even about TEETH or how straight or snaggletooth you may be. It’s the principle of the matter, people.

Why do we have trends? What is a trend? Is trending the hot, new thing? Aren’t we all individuals, equally and uniquely made? Why does an imperfection need to be a trend? Are we that shallow? Are we that insecure that we have to expose our slight “flaws” (better referred to as “differences” or “character traits”) in order to make ourselves feel better?

Toddlers and Tiara’s – perfect example (ok, maybe not perfect) – those poor, little, sweet, overly shiny tots are a conformity waiting to happen. Yes, they are cute and they might have fun, but those moms are NUTS.  And yes, we might dress our kids up (for the record, no kids here!) and snap a picture or two but this show is extreme and they are exploiting these little girls to an immoral level.  They even give the girls fake teeth to put in since they are losing them left and right! Getting off my soap box now.

Where is the love? I am not perfect. My family isn’t perfect, but I love them and they love me. Don’t succumb to trends. Don’t drink coffee at Starbucks because everyone else does, do it if you like it. Don’t dress a certain way to fit in, unless that’s truly your style. Don’t eat a certain thing, like sushi, because it’s a hot topic, especially if you really hate raw fish! Don’t change yourself to fall into a trend (example – frizz out your hair just because that’s “in”). Being different and unique is what makes you, you. Those are the things, the crooked teeth, frizzy hair, curves, funny looking toes (will explain), that make you stand out above the rest. The less conforming you do, the more true to yourself you are.  I guarantee you will be ten million times happier in life, too!

Side note – yes, I have funny toes. One is shorter than the other, the “middle” toe on both feet, to be exact. Of course I get made fun of, but I don’t mind, because, to be totally honest, I love my little toe.  You should love your distinctive qualities, too!

PS - LET'S GO RANGERS!!! C'MON NOW!!!

Be still people!

Last night I went to a community worship service, and during that time I took a note, yes on my cell phone so it looked like I was texting, of the verse Psalm 46:10. I had forgotten about that verse! How ironic is it that Psalm 46:10 was one of the first bible verses I ever memorized? Ironic not because it’s a very short verse, give me some credit here, but because of what it says and how I am. Psalm 46:10 says –

Be still. What in the world does that mean? I can hardly sit still long enough to think about it! I don’t know how to be still. Ask anyone. The only thing I can sit through is a movie and sometimes church, but I normally have to get up and go to the bathroom at least once! But does being still mean being physically immobile? What about the cell phone ringing? The dog barking? The radio blaring? What about a broken heart? What about sadness? What about all the other distractions and thoughts one has in a day? What about the awesome Texas Ranger’s game?!

Being still is not just about being motionless, stationary. Being still is quieting our hearts and our minds, stopping whatever it is that makes us all so daggum busy, forcing ourselves to slow down, to escape from this thing we are doing day in and day out (living life). Being still is turning over our heartaches and racing thoughts over to God. That’s where the second part of the verse comes in handy.

“…And know that I am God”

Can we, the human race, conceive of how big He is? I can’t. Half the time I think I am God, that I can do it all, that when I fail it’s just the Devil trying to stop me, not God, or some other outlandish excuse to get around doing His will.

I had to stop writing for a moment believe it or not! I can’t describe God’s greatness. I can’t describe how to know God. There isn’t a book or verse that can encompass all that He is, was, and will be. We have faith in Him. We know He is there. We feel his presence….when we are still.  Readers, a few things from the past year have taught me these things and these things are all I have to offer you:

When life comes at you fast – be still and know He is God.

When you feel like letting go – be still, let Him take your hand

When it seems all is lost – be still, and know that He is everything and he will never leave you

When you’re faced with a difficult decision and know you instantly made the wrong choice – be still, He is there, comforting you

When you find yourself on your knees and have no idea what else to do but cry – be still, He is wiping your tears and healing your heart

When it seems like no one understands – be still, and know that He gets it and it was all part of His plan no matter how messed up it seems to be

When you’re blessed beyond belief, filled with happiness, surrounded by loved ones, financially stable, and living the dream – be still…understand, be thankful, and know that He is God.

In everything, at every stage of life, in all situations take ten minutes to be still…even if it means taking a bubble bath! Close your eyes, let go of all the good, bad, and ugly inside your heart and your mind, and know that He is God.  Yes, I need to take my own advice!