Dear pregnant/new mom:
I've been thinking about you
because I had and still have those same exact feelings of anxiety that you're struggling with before baby arrives. I also
struggle with trying to be perfect. In my world, there isn't room for failure.
Now that I am a parent, all I seem to do is fail and it's wearing on me.
I don't know if what I am about to
say will make a whole lot of sense. I do wish, however, someone had told me
these things before now. It's basically a lot of confessing and admitting the
downfalls that I have as a person and as a parent.
Lately, the anxiety and the worry
about being "good enough" and raising my kids the right way - being
kind, with listening ears and obeying hearts - is through the roof. G is at
the age where he is testing every possible limit, figuring his own way around
his 2 year old world, and learning some hard lessons with lots of tears along
the way. On the flip side, he is still the sweetest little kid and I am blessed that he is mine. However, the devil is really at work right now. In church a few Sundays ago, the pastor read
a scripture that essentially said demons knew Jesus was the Holy One, Son of
God. Satan knows where the links are the weakest in that moment and when to
strike. Praying through fear, praying through weakness has never been easy for me. In my experience, the enemy usually comes at me with a full on assault of my marriage and my self
image. Satan knows where God is and he knows when and what to whisper into our
desperate ears. He can worm his way into hearts that are desperately trying
to overcome fear, desperately wanting to do the right thing, and desperately
trying to hold it all together - these are a few of the many examples our world
as a parent seem to hang by threads.
I don't say all of that to freak
you out. I say it to remind you that God is with you, He is in your marriage,
He is a cry out away. And so are your friends and family.
I have a confession: Good parenting
is really, really difficult. Keyword here is "good". If it is hard,
you're doing something right. I know that sounds crazy and like an oxymoron,
but I know it to be true. I can't give you a special formula to get rid of the
anxiety or the struggle to be the perfect mom. All I can say is that parenting
is an adventure. It is full of the highest highs and some of the lowest lows.
It is full of celebration and full of tears. It is the most rewarding job on
the planet.
I mainly want you to know that
you're not alone. It isn't talked about enough but please remember that there
are other moms struggling right along with you and it is okay to reach out and
to ask for help. I still don't know how to reach out all the time - to raise
the white flag and ask for help. I'm getting there, though. I know that every
time I get the courage to confide in someone that I come out feeling not quite
as lost or alone. I also know the enemy tries even harder so keep your chin up and your prayers coming! Your spouse will be a major support to you but you'll also find that
sometimes you will need a friend or family member to speak truth to you.
The ride is only beginning and I cannot wait for you to see and experience all that God has in store. I'm literally giddy with excitement for you!
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