Wiser, just not older

I’ve wanted to write something like this for so many YEARS but never had the courage. I was once a 20- something with goals of being the CEO, helping to grow teams of people and an organization that was “going places”. Maybe it’s because I’m 31 now, clearly not a 20-Something. Maybe it’s because my life looks SO different than what I imagined and I’m loving this season and definitely believe God knows what He is doing. Maybe it’s because I don’t work at the place where a lot of these thoughts stem from. I have hesitated because I didn’t want to come off as disgruntled, though there is surely room for that, or immature, because that’s  the exact image I’m fighting against. 

I have worked (paid, unpaid, along side friends and family, as a volunteer, etc) with so many different types of people. Amazing people, despite differences. Younger people. Older people. People from all cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life. 

You have too, I’m sure! 

I have to say though, the people I enjoy being around and working with most are those who genuinely value me, my opinions and ideas, and who know my worth even more than I do.  Not just bosses or leaders that I’ve come to admire and respect, but certain peers as well. 

This isn’t to make myself feel better. No, this is for all those “other” people. Those people who look at the age of a person, their seemingly “limited” experience, even the way someone looks, and let’s not forget the gender factor. I’ve caught myself, one way or another, apologizing for my age, for my lack of experience in whatever the person was looking for, for the fact that I look even younger than my actual 20-Something age, and even for the fact that ... yep, I’m a woman. 

Crazy, right? I agree. 

What’s even more absurd is the fact that I’ve ever, EVER even felt the need to feel apologetic about those things. There were so many good ideas missed and passed over because of those few things mentioned above. So for the “others” here is some advice, culminating from YEARS of being passed over:

First and foremost, don’t EVER pass someone over based on their age, looks, gender, or past experience. Organizations are not “good ole boy” clubs. If you’re younger, remember who gave you a shot and keep in mind that they’re the reason you’re even in the position you’re in. If millinnials annoy you because they seem to only complain, maybe you’re just not listening or maybe you’re not helping them understand. If your allegiance is to a group of people who don’t embrace change, are afraid of and intimidated by younger people with less experience, and/or who don’t have a growth mindset and you’re too feeble to invite others in to that group, you’re going to struggle. If your job is to generate growth then you better learn to embrace trials, errors, ideas, opinions and change. Your greatest asset will be listening to your team and empowering individuals - from the receptionist to the CEO - so learn how to do that, quickly. 

If you see a spark in someone, cultivate it! Don’t put it out because they intimidate you and because you have the power to do so. Embrace and mentor them. Guide them. Love them. 

All this to say, you will suffer, whatever it is you’re working towards will suffer and so will the person you’re scrutinizing, if you don’t get some awareness, stat. It will take that person a lot of rejection and heartbreak to learn that, it wasn’t them. Unfortunately for the firecracker that got away, you and others like you, or the entire organization just weren’t ready for them, yet. 

I have a new perspective now. I sit behind a desk for less than a few hours a day, and when I’m there, my view is that of a playroom of toys scattered around. What I am certain of, though, is that my experience has only made me better, wiser, some may say more intimidating, but I’ll be damned if I’m not more proud of myself than ever. I am surrounded by people who seek me, my experience, advice and/or opinions and my tenacity. 

I’m so thankful for my spark. 

Well, We Won't Be Doing That Again - Kitchen Remodel Part 7

Well, we won't be doing that again. I know, never say never. Even through the plague, we are so thankful this project came together (and came to an end). We are hoping and praying everything checks out with the inspection but all, in all, we are very pleased. As previously mentioned, it was not for the faint of heart. Remodeling is NO JOKE and it is definitely no HGTV, picture perfect process.

Also, it just goes to show you, that even though everyone else on the internet, with their picture perfect Instagram, seem to do these kinds of projects without issue or frustration - it's totally there. No matter how good the idea is or how beautiful the outcome, there was definitely a curse word said... or two or two hundred.

We learned so much - about things I don't care to ever encounter again - and some pretty hard lessons. Financially and logically we should not have undertaken a project of this magnitude. We should not have tried to help out a budding contractor because we felt for him. We should have researched and inquired more. We should have been patient and enjoyed our new home as it was for a while.

What's done is done and we are so thankful it is...done. All in time for our kids' birthday party and friends and family to visit!

Here is the final reveal of our kitchen. Caution: These are not professional photos, you will notice the terrible lighting, stuff lying around and dishes by the sink because... we are normal. Enjoy!

We spray painted our bar stools navy, the pendant lights are from Lowe's, the lamp is from Target, I sanded and stained the support under the granite (someone tried to tell me that it was unnecessary... huh?!?!), the track light is from amazon and the fan is from Home Depot. 

Opposite view - we removed the double doors to the dining room. That helped to open the space up, also. Now I have a cute coffee bar in there! 

Ignore the mismatched tile but notice the ice maker and wine fridge - so fun! Fun Fact: We found terrazzo flooring underneath the tile and restoring it might be our next project *insert evil laugh*. If you're not familiar with terrazzo - get familiar. It's basically a piece of (expensive) history in our home.

Note: Dishes by the sink. Debating on adding hardware but, one thing at a time, people. The track light replaced a nasty, huge square fluorescent and the fan replaced a nasty and tiny white fan. Fan in the kitchen - life saver! 

The next light to go - above the kitchen table. We decided to keep this L portion of the bar because it would have been a lot of dead and wasted space. Our breakfast area is already exceptionally large. You'll notice, too, we got rid of the entire, huge, walk-in pantry. The door in this picture was a cleaning supplies closet but is now the pantry and works great. Most of the food we eat is in the fridge or freezer or bought the week of cooking so our pantry didn't need to be huge. Our previous house had a small pantry, too, so it works for us! 

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Part 6

Race to Finish - Kitchen Remodel Part 6

After the plague, things picked up. Well, after our BEAUTIFUL counter tops were installed, things picked up. Supposedly that was the missing piece to getting this thing done. Even the granite didn't come without issue though - the original one we picked was said to be "too soft" and would scratch easily (why no one told us before is beyond me), then we had to wait for the weather to clear up. Who knew cutting granite generated so much dust? That dust, when mixed with water, can turn into some really hard to clean paste. However, the finished product of the counter tops was well worth it.

Counter tops went in, cabinet paint was finished, floors were patched, back splash went in, electric was done. Even though there was a lot of doing, and re-doing, we could see the end. Here are a few more progress pics....

With a few stern words and tough conversations about needing to "get'r done", the contractors stayed late a few days to finish up. We had a grout issue and mismatch tile issue. Floors are the next project but not for a while. The grout issue was major, for me, because it stuck out like a sore thumb. It was too dark. BUT, did you know, there is grout paint?!?! It was a time and life saver for the contractors because I was NOT a very happy camper.

Grout paint cleaned up - left, grout painted on - literally with a paint brush - center, original (too dark) grout - far right.

Once all that was in and things were still being buttoned up, we realized the wall color - a flat, builder beige - was not going to work. We absolutely loved the color we chose for our previous house so we decided to go with that. It took the stress out of trying to find the right color, that's for sure. And yes, we went cheap - good ole' Gentle Rain  by Behr.

To all the painters who wanted me to spend an arm and a leg on paint -

Why would I spend money on expensive paint when we have a four year old, a two year old, a huge and clumsy dog and are about to welcome a newborn to the Walker clan, who all, at any given moment, can projectile vomit, lose the lid to a sippy, or splatter food/water/mud/etc all over said paint? We bought the most economical, but durable paint. It's paint. Not a purse...or shoes. So for all you Benjamin Moore, Farrow & Ball, Pratt & Lambert snobs lovers- buzz off. We will stick to our beloved Behr and Valspar, k thanks.

Final reveal will be posted next!!!!! YAY! The saga has an ending!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

The Plague Worsens - Kitchen Remodel Part 5

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

So, picking up where we left off with our lovely rodent friends from Part 3, I took a little field trip to the local DIY pest control place because clearly our current pest control guy was NOT capable of getting rid of these things. Also, there wasn't much we could do about the power line but wait for the plumber to HOPEFULLY agree to fix it!

I learned so much at the DIY place from my new friend, John. Did you know rats can enter your home through a quarter size hole?! If they can get their head in, they can get their whole nasty body in! Did you know poison packets are super cheap?! And that the trick to getting rodents to eat them is PEANUT BUTTER (well, we used almond butter because #paleofriendlyhousehold, I'm THAT mom) - genius. Screw the pest control guys who tried and failed three times. I checked out with poison packets, odor control sponges, some bug/mosquito killer (because again, Houston), a mask, a sprayer and a head full of ways to kill things. I was as ready as Rambo.

I came home ready to kill some stuff only to find out about another fun issue...

Bees.

Honeybees, to be exact.

That's right. You know, the kind you really shouldn't kill because they are becoming extinct and throwing off the ecosystem - yea, those.

We had noticed one or two here and there since, hello, the attic had been exposed for over a week at this point. The electrician who finally decided to show up, said he had been stung and wasn't able to work up there because there was a swarm of them. This was something else, I tell you what. I killed about 15 bees in 30 minutes. The weird thing? They weren't trying to come after me, they were trying to get outside.

So, I made a call to my new pest control friend and his first question was, were they there before? I thought about it and remember that right before we moved in, a bee keeper came and took away a whole honeycomb. I told him that and his response was that they were back and ready to set up shop again.

Bee facts: 1. There are seekers and workers and honey makers. 2. The bees that were there were seekers. 3. Honeybees leave behind a pheromone that the seekers...seek... and if found, they will alert the workers to set up shop again. They are erratic and not out to harm - hence flying into windows and not attacking me. 4. A pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social response in members of the same species. 5. The bee keeper did NOT spray to get rid of the pheromone, NOR did he properly seal the roof flap to the attic, hence the reason for The Return of the Honeybees. 

So now, not only am I Rambo the Rat Killer, I am killer of all the things. However, bees don't play so I called someone. Luckily, they had not nested and so killing them was socially acceptable (and cheaper)!

To recap - we've had a major plumbing issue, changes to the design and scope of work, a rat infestation, a power line down and Return of the Honeybees. That's when I started writing all of these posts... See part 1. 

The bee man came out, the poison packets went into the attic, Greg ended up throwing out BAGS of soiled insulation and 4 rats, drywall was up, lights and outlets had been cut out and wired, cabinets had been primed, counter tops and our new cabinet had been framed in... things were looking up. We were going to make it after all.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3
Kitchen Remodel Part 4

No Power? No Problem! - Kitchen Remodel Part 4

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

I realized while trying to write all of this out that so many issues overlapped and yea, yea we really weren't under construction forever. So, for all of you who said "It will be over before you know it," you win. Now you can sit back and say, "I told you so!"

Being in the thick of things was definitely not easy. Much like parenting and marriage and other hard things. Every day there was some new issue or frustration. There was one night, after the bomb I'm about to drop on you came to fruition, that I told Greg if one more thing came up, we just needed to torch the place and start over or move out. Dramatic, much? I was serious. We were over it.

So while dealing with contractors, a painfully slow remodel, and now rats, we had another fun issue. One we thought was tied to the remodel but wasn't.

One morning, while getting ready, the lights were flickering pretty badly. Sometimes that means the bulbs are about to go out but it was odd. I got out of the shower and half the power went out. I don't mean half the house or just the lights. I mean, one outlet worked and one light didn't in one room and the next room half the lights and outlets worked, the AC worked and the fridge worked but the microwave didn't. It was very odd. Greg called the home warranty company, that had only come through with ONE request so far (the fixing of our garage door!), and I called the electric company. Both were going to cost time and money but, hello, we needed power.

The electrician the home warranty sent, and the electric company both said that our main power line had been severed. A power line can go out even just by nicking it with a shovel. They also both said it was more than likely due to the plumbing work that was done.

Thank GOD we called 811 and had the line marked before the plumbers dug anything up. I mean, there was a good 4ft deep trench in our backyard while they re-piped the sewer line. Our next call was to get quotes. Turns out, replacing and burying 60+ feet of power line can cost anywhere from $2500-$3600! We didn't have that. We kept digging and researching and then realized we needed to get the plumber involved. We did our part, calling 811, they needed to help us fix this.

Unfortunately, our neighborhood wasn't one where the electric company owned the line - otherwise, they'd fix it all and we would be set. The electric company came and put in a temporary line that we were able to use for a month. Yes, it took a month, to the day, to get the line fixed. Now that it is done, our backyard is still a mess.

There will be more issues along the way but with a finished product that diminishes the stress of all of this. Man, what I would have given to know and see what I have now.

If you're wondering why there aren't many remodel pictures. It's because things literally didn't look much different in these weeks. Here are a few more - we finally trained the contractor to cover the ceiling when they left for the day. There is more to the kitchen remodel saga, so stay tuned.

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Demo Days & The Plague - Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

This is not your typical renovation blog series. Sorry, not sorry. We didn't lift a hammer. Again, sorry, not sorry. This is essentially a safe space for me to whine and moan and hopefully, one day, look back and laugh.

There are those who renovate and those who pay-to-renovate. Let me clarify, I love me some projects. My husband, not so much. I get the good ole eye roll every time I have a "bright idea." Which subsequently seems to (almost) always occur while pregnant. I would also love to be the one to do the renovation but, lets be real, I'd probably kill myself trying to knock down a wall and I just don't care THAT much. My husband, would want nothing to do with said wall. Which is fine. Totally get it.

Day 1 of the kitchen remodel was so, so, so exciting! I totally felt like I was on the set of some major HGTV show. There were loud bangs, and high pitch squeaks, and sounds of a saw and lots of things hitting the floor. It had begun! We were stoked!

For about a week. Then progress slowed. I mean almost a screeching halt. Of course everything was to blame... I changed my mind, the counter tops weren’t in, waiting on the electrician... excuse after excuse. Much to our dismay and according to our remodel veteran friends, these excuses were normal.

Our attic had been exposed due to changing the ceiling height and the installation of support beams, and the smell of sheet rock and musty attic filled our house. For a hypersensitive prego and her husband, who has a sense of smell like that of a freaking dog, it was not pleasant. Something wasn't right. My husband insisted the smell was something else and I hate to even document this but, he was right.

Some back story for you (and another expense I forgot to mention during our short 1 month in our home): Before we bought the house, we did our due diligence and we had the house inspected by a fantastic inspector (I have to put this in here because most everyone says, "Didn't you have the house inspected before moving in?" Yes, Carol). He pointed out that the HVAC duct work in the attic was all torn up on the kitchen side of the house and suspected rodents once lived up there. Before we purchased the home, it sat vacant for a good year so we were not surprised by this news. We had our trusty HVAC guy come and repair the duct work ASAP because Houston summers are no joke. Anyways, we weren't concerned about current rodents because he didn't notice any fresh feces (yummy) or traces of nesting.

Fast forward 3 months from inspection - holy rats nest, did those turds (literally) come back and wreak havoc on our attic and senses! It was awful! The contractors also noticed and even snapped some pictures of these cat sized rats - gross! Pest control came out on THREE occasions and it did NOTHING. During this time, it had been a question of "what next?"

And you'll see... stay tuned! Until then... I realized I never posted pictures of the OUTSIDE of our home. OOPS! For those who love mi-mod's as much as we do, here is our 1960's charmer (#allthehearteyes)

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 2

The Beauty of Home Ownership - Kitchen Remodel Part 2

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When we decided to remodel the kitchen, we had been in our new home for a total of 2 months. We had already had the windows replaced with double pane windows because... summer in Houston, 'nough said, and we knew we wanted to paint and do the floors. The kitchen was a big deal, though. Financially and logically we knew it needed to be done first or it might never make it off the to-do list.

Let me back up, we KNEW we wanted to do SOMETHING with the kitchen space as soon as we saw the house but fell in love with it regardless - I mean, come on, a character filled mid-century modern home, built in the 1960's, in a fantastic neighborhood, walking distance to the kids current preschool, at an affordable price, with the bonus room and extra bedroom we needed for sweet V and amazing space for entertaining (we are always down for a party), what was not to love? However, the first time we had an actual get together, it was awful. I mean, no one else noticed - I hope - but us. The layout and closed off nature of the kitchen was NOT going to workout.

Here are some pre-reno and pre-move in pictures (that wet bar and built-in, though!):

View from the sink to the pantry (door) and in-eat breakfast area.

View from opening of breakfast area to the sink (gaping hole is where the refrigerator is now).

Another view from the sink/dishwasher area to the doors to the dining room (left), wet bar (opening), and pantry (door). 

View from the wet bar into the living room - more built-in goodness!

View from the breakfast area towards kitchen (left), built-in desk and living room space. 

Okay, now that you understand what we are working with here...

Fast forward a few weeks to the decision to hire the contractor and get this baby rollin'... we stumbled upon some fun news... a major plumbing issue. I mean MAJOR. Sewage backed up, coming out from under toilets, into our step-down shower (1960's remember?), and the entire place smelling like... yep, you guessed it, a heaping pile of dog poo. Oh and what was better, it happened on a Saturday, right before we were about to leave for a day sail with friends.

Me to Husband: "Cancel the babysitter, dear, we have s**t to deal with - literally."

It was awful.

Fun Interesting Fact: Homes in our hood and others built around the same time were built under the assumption that concrete piping was smart. Not. Smart. It breaks. And that, my friends, is what had happened.

So, before we even got to the renovation, we had to replace our MAIN SEWER LINE which totally dipped into our renovation budget. But, we were determined... and probably a little stupid. It couldn't have been something easy, or something we knew ANYTHING about. It had to be this major, stinky, expensive mess. And there is more!

Oh, the beauty of home ownership. Stay tuned...

Kitchen Remodel Part 1
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Reno Vent - Kitchen Remodel Part 1

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

When you can't be inside your house because there is currently a honeybee infestation that decided to rear its ugly head in the middle of a daggum remodel project, you camp out at starbucks to get some writing venting done since your kids are in school and aren't loving on nagging you.

I am in such a wonderful mood. Can you tell? 

And that may be the world longest run on sentence - but I don't care. There is free wifi here and Siggi's yogurt, so I'll be in a happy place soon. 

I really don't see the appeal people see in remodeling. Maybe it's because the appeal lies mainly in overexposed, instagram worthy pictures and not the actual mess that remodeling can be. Or maybe it's the captions those instagram pictures use to lure people into the darkness that is renovation. Or, actually, it is probably because every woman (and man, maybe) have a secret desire to be Joanna Gaines. Yes, that's probably it. Our experience hasn't been all together awful but it is definitely not for the faint of heart - or maybe not for pregnant (ie. hormonal) women with two other small children at home.

Silly me, I thought, "Okay, we've done floors and windows before, we can handle a small reno." Well, boy was I wrong - HA! 

I think it's a patience thing. I currently have NONE. Which, before being pregnant, I didn't have much to loose. To top it off, it's our kitchen. The living breathing epicenter of our home life - where sippy cups are filled and spilled, where I channel my little energy into cooking meals I am usually proud of, where my husband hides pint size ice cream cartons and where SO MUCH LIFE happens. So that means, no cooking, careful sippy cup filling, still ice cream because it is necessary during hard times and very little life. I feel like death and probably look like death, from lack of proper home cooked, nutritious food. You don't realize the lack of good choices (that won't cost an arm and a leg) until you rely on having to eat out. It is REALLY, REALLY hard.

But, stay tuned for more fun stories and a whole reno series that will make you absolutely never want to renovate - kidding. I had a feeling all this "hindsight" business was going to be accurate - hindsight is, we will have a beautiful kitchen we are proud of and can definitely do life (much easier) in, and we lived to tell the tale which might be funny... one day. Not today.

Kitchen Remodel Part 2
Kitchen Remodel Part 3

Insane Expectations

Yesterday was a big deal. The 15th of February, to be exact. Yesterday, four years ago, my man asked me to be his forever. Obviously, I said yes and here we are, doing this thing called life and rockin' it (read: fakin' it till we make it)!

Even though yesterday was like most days, between work, a toddler and a baby - it was insane and overly eventful. To say that we were tired and ready to give up, throw on our pajamas, eat ice cream out of the carton, not say a word to one another and slowly drift off to sleep after staring at our phones for an hour...is an understatement. But, we did it. We got through the day, we adulted, we went to community group, we put on happy faces. Unfortunately, we still went to bed without a word to one another. Real talk. Real life.

The worst part about yesterday, such a special day, was that I was mad at him most of it. I woke up this morning thinking, "here we go," fed the baby and got to work. Then I started to think, while the house was still quiet, and I realized that I wanted a do-over. I wanted to try again at yesterday because I have this insane expectation of my husband that is totally unfair to him. I expect him to be a mind reader, a fortune teller, Gilligan and the millionaire. Kidding.

Stress is a killer... it's a snake that comes in and steals joy and sucks the life right out of us! Who handles stress as poorly as I do?? I am going to imagine that a sea of hands are raised because I do NOT want to be alone in this.

Another question, why do we treat those closest to us, the worst? He is an amazingly perceptive guy, way better than I am. He knows when I am failing and always rescues me from my own catastrophes. He does all. the. things. All the things, and more! So why was/am I so harsh? Why did I let stress impact our special day?

Who do you have insane expectations set for, if anyone? How can we get a grip and come back to earth?

I think my post about grace hits the nail on the head. Grace for self and grace for others goes a really long way. I also know I have to change my outlook on stress, to see it as a challenge and a way to grow instead of as a hindrance and total buzz kill. Lastly, I know I need to respect and love and cherish the man that got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.

So today I am giving myself a second chance - whether he likes it or not - and I am going to be better than I was yesterday. I am going to make myself slow down, to have a conversation with him, to kiss and hug him when we get home and to not jump down his throat if my day ends up in the garbage.