These days we are definitely in the 'thick' of things. I have seriously confided in few and opened up to many about the struggle that is parenting a 2 year old and worrying if he is destined to be a little jerk forever. You know what is really disappointing? Very few, maybe 1 person, reassured me that "He is still there". What do I mean, you ask?
Us parents have all seen those days and those moments where your nice, sweet, loving and easy going 2 year old seems to be overtaken by some form of demon child. It is tough, so hard, to parent through those times. You might want to perform an exorcism or call The Nanny (you know, that show) or a child psychiatrist to help "diagnose" them. You might also want to throw them out the window or beat them to a pulp - you know I'm right.
Of all the momma's and daddy's I've talked to, most respond with things like:
- Oh, terrible 2's!
- Yep, welcome to the twonage year
- That's parenting for you
- Toughen up
Ouch.
So, I'm here to encourage you! I want to remind you that your sweet, loving, kindhearted little baby is still in there... somewhere. I want to remind you that this is NORMAL. Yes, you might need to toughen up (I do!). Yes, you might have to accept that your child isn't perfect. However, I promise you will get through this tough time. Your molding and forming a strong, independent little person. One day you will be glad that they learned the word "NO" and that they learned to stand up for themselves. In the mean time, during this really difficult time, remember that your baby is still there. They love you and need you and require guidance and an equal amount of grace.
Just like evil can easily pull our eyes from God, so can being wrapped up in the "bad" of our children. Remember, they are broken and sinners just like us and they need lots of love and lots of teaching.
Oh, and give yourself some grace, too! Hang in there - the days are long but the years are short.
Showing posts with label seasons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label seasons. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Lessons in Parenting
I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.
A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.
A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!
Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"
Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!
But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.
You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.
That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.
There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!
Now, what did we do differently?
We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!
If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!
A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.
A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!
Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"
Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!
But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.
You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.
That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.
There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!
Now, what did we do differently?
We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!
If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....
A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...
Not really but I guess that could be real life?
I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.
My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.
My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.
My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!
The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.
Not really but I guess that could be real life?
I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.
My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.
My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.
My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!
The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Deductibles, Donations, and Deductions
Money sucks. Doesn’t it? It does. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy, a catch-22 type thing. Sometimes you feel like you will never get out of a hole you might be in but aren’t saying you’re in because you’re ashamed that you might possibly even be in that situation. Working in the field I work in, I’ve learned that even wealthy people make poor financial decisions – the bad part is, the repercussions they face are greater than us poor or middle-class folk’s might face. Mo’ money, mo’ problems – as the philosophers of the rap world say. So, today it’s about money.
Money and the holidays, two things that go hand in hand, creating the perfect storm of stress and worry. This year I am doing what I should have done as soon as I was out of my parents’ house. This year financial contributions will be made in the name of my loved ones to charities in lieu of gifts. Each member of my immediate family will admit that if they want something, they can get in their car, go to the store, and buy it. We are fortunate. We are blessed. No, we aren’t buying Ferrari’s or multiple pairs of Louboutin shoes, or even Tiffany’s jewelry for ourselves. Our needs have been met, that’s all.
I am actually really proud of myself. I have never been good at saving money or budgeting. But, when forced to do the inevitable, I had to get good at those things – and fast. Ever heard of an insurance deductible? Well, I met mine this year after a lovely appendectomy. I never knew what ‘deductible’ really meant because it was usually always in the thousands-of-dollars range so it was of no concern that I would ever ‘meet it’. Now I am an insurance knowledgebase. I was forced, around June, to begin budgeting my spending and to create a pay-down plan for my astronomical (to me at least) deductible that I had, unfortunately, met. I am proud to announce that I will actually be able to use the medical deduction on my taxes this year! It’s been tough but well worth it. I haven’t splurged at a mall in months and I am actually going to survive! Through the months of budgeting and making ends meet, I was able to go on several trips and haven’t felt burdened at all.
I think that’s what has inspired my new approach to gift giving this year. Knowing that I am ok without material items has shown me how insignificant ‘stuff’ is at times.
This year is going to be different (except for my niece, she’s a baby, she gets tangible gifts!) This year my priorities will be better organized. This year is going to be a struggle, but finally not financially. This year I am going to try to focus on why we gather for Thanksgiving and the true meaning of Christmas. Instead of joining the mad dashers, and die hard sale finders for “Black Friday” shopping, I will be relaxing at my parents’ house after a fabulous meal the day before, without a stress or worry in the world (maybe, I can dream, can’t I???). This year it’s not about the ‘stuff’ I might be given or receive. This year I will be filled with the fruit of the Spirit.
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