Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Such a baby!

My mom sends me stuff relatively often that leaves me rather choked up. I am such a baby. But it's good stuff, nonetheless! This is from a Proverbs 31 devotional she sent me this morning...

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)
 
Well, darn it all! I don't deserve a reward...at all! I believe in Him and have faith in Him but I'm not the most earnest seeker. And then, to top it all off, I fall more than short of the faith line. I was upset because there are things I want to let go of, that I've desperately TRIED to let go of, that I would much rather not ever worry about...but I know that I haven't given over full control of the situation.

It's those situations where if "x" would happen I would be happier, or if "y" were  a for sure thing then things would be awesome, etc. I am so afraid that He will keep telling me "no", over and over and over. I don't even think I'm afraid of being told "no" as much as I am afraid of having to accept it, get over it, be okay with it never happening. Here is a snippet of the devotional (full link is at the bottom):

"We can envision ourself with this thing, this person, this opportunity. And all things are better. So, why doesn’t God give us this longing of our heart?

Because He wants us to willingly release it to Him.

Ouch.

Not the answer we want. Why would God let the aching desire linger and not make things happen? He could. He’s certainly able. But when He doesn’t it seems unfair. Not good. Confusing.

It’s easy to get down when we’re constantly let down."

That scares the living day lights out of me!!! That's why I was acting a fool and tearing up earlier. It's most definitely NOT what I wanted to hear. I'm big on that, wanting to hear certain things, and that's never a good idea.

The lady writing the devotional is trying to sell me on the idea that if I were to just "let go and let God" that I would be rewarded. But I just CANNOT imagine letting go of some of my biggest hopes and dreams - especially when there are so many in my life who keep trying to encourage me ( and some who reprimand me and incessantly point out my mistakes). I want to believe that I have DESIRES in my heart for a REASON. I want to believe my friends and family when they say "your time will come".

All I can do is pray for God to change my heart's unmet longings. I don't think I will ever be okay with accepting "no" as the final answer unless my heart can rest easy with peace and understanding. Call me stubborn...

Dear Lord, I sacrifice chasing this so I might more fully and with more focus chase You. I release this grip of desire. I praise You for who You are, what only You can bring, and how You will fill whatever gap this release might leave. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Her words, not mine...but important prayer to be said.

The link to the devotional, as promised!

Extremely long, and incredibly uneventful - kind of

Well, it’s been a while. What’s new?  Nothing really. Life isn’t an amazing race but it isn’t too boring. I am doing things a bit differently and I’ve actually accomplished a resolution or two! Here’s a recap:

1.       I read a book! I know that wasn’t on my “blog version” of resolutions but it’s been on my mind a while. The whole point is that I love movies and I like to read but I don’t get many recommendations. I decided to read the book before seeing the movie since many movies are made from books. “Extremely Loud and Incredible Close” was started January 15^th and finished January 21^st around 5:45pm; just in time for the movie at 8:35. I hadn’t even seen a preview! All in all it was an awesome movie.  The younger crowd at the theater was a bit of a shock.  Not too sure they fully understood.  However, as I write this I realize I am confused. I feel like I misread but surely I didn’t.  That just might be a downfall to reading the book before seeing the movie. Major parts were altered but they both were amazing. I took note of two other ‘book turned movie’ flicks.

2.       Giving second chances – hasn’t been going too well.  May need to revise this one. I am a firm believer in that some people are meant to only be in your life for a time, a season… they serve a purpose and that’s all. Whether or not we know or understand what that reason is, is a whole other story!

3.       Saying “no” to things. I’m finally catching on. Saying “no” doesn’t always mean I am mad or just being a jerk. It simply means I have to do what’s right to protect my heart. Minimizes stress and worry, that’s for sure!

4.       Random thought – I feel lately, due to less blogging (maybe?) that my head fills with thoughts a lot faster. Like I can’t put them into words fast enough.  Some nonsense; some profound.  For example, I had to get this all out right now. The past few weeks I’ve wanted to write about songs, and quotes, and God and now that book. All week I have been wanted to tell how awesome it was and how I related to it. I might revisit number 1.

5.       Traveling – I went to San Angelo! I visited my BFF, K.  We had an awesome time. Even though San Angelo, TX isn’t the most exciting place, it was so great o do a whole lot of nothing. It was really nice to catch up and spend quality time watching the Food Network, HGTV, and Style.  I love my friend.  Being so much at the same point in life with someone is a blessing; knowing someone understands your heart is huge! It’s so great to be there for someone and have them there for you no matter what.  Those are the people, unlike the few in #2, that are ‘lifers’.  I am blessed to have many. So traveling is getting accomplished – just need to plan a big trip soon! But corpus in 2 weeks will be nice – visiting another couple ‘lifers’!

6.       So, I failed one of my resolutions.  Less doctor visits.  Nothing major but I learned my lesson about waiting out any type of pain.  If it hurts or something doesn’t feel right, see a doc! So I did. I am fine. Meds are helpful. However, googling something the day before about issues encountered after an appendectomy totally jinxed me!

So back to the book/movie. Book first.  Book was awesome.  The little boy is incredible. Oskar Schell. Loved him and still think he is real.  If he were, we’d be friends.  I think we are very similar.  In the book, he would ‘invent’ things in his mind – it was his way of dealing with the current situation or how he was feeling. He also did it to take his mind off of things.  He would come up with all these crazy inventions and ideas like pocket extensions, buildings that moved instead of having elevators, incredibly long limos, and everyone having the same heart beat the way women who live together have the same menstrual cycle. He would always have an elaborate idea to answer the question “why” or “how”. In a similar way I use hopes and dreams to deal with things or situations.  Sometimes, and this happens often or more than it should, I can dream up an entire new life.  Maybe that’s why I played with barbies so much and for so long! I dealt/deal with things by way of dream. When things get bad or when I have hope in something or someone – my dreams run away with my reality. This is not always a good thing.

The book had many elements that the movie did not.  However, if it were to contain the exact same content, the movie would be awfully long.  Also, the comedic relief in the book was severely lacking in the movie. The movie gave me ‘heavy boots’. That’s what Oskar would always say in regard to his mood.  He had light or heavy boots. The book was written so well.  To the point.  The love and feeling of the person speaking poured onto the page.  When the child was narrating/speaking, you felt him. Even when it switched to letters written by the grandparents, the words were so heartfelt. The grandma, in the book, would always tell Oskar, “I hope you never think of anyone as much as I think about you” and at first I was confused, but now – I know who I might tell that to one day. My niece, I love that little woman to pieces.

The book was confusing sometimes. But so real. It represented every human emotion so well. I could go on and on about the book.  There were so many thoughts I had at one point.  I loved the ending.  Life is never simple. We all need closure.  Closure is something I think a lot of us struggle with.  It’s a very difficult thing to obtain.  Part of me believes it just happens.  It’s a timing issue.  Some find closure for things way before others.  I also believe the rate in which one finds closure is very situational. 

Few random thoughts before I go

1. I love my job.  Each day is different and exciting and busy.  I am so blessed to be where I am, with the people I am there with.  It’s a great feeling- doing what you love – and knowing it will be like that for many, many years. Very exciting!

2. do you ever think about something and realize that with each thought/inquiry/research attempt, you actually begin to understand less.  What would that be called? Irony? A paradox? A coincidence? Whatever it is, it sucks. It provides an individual with absolutely no closure.

3. All natural, unsweetened cranberry juice sucks

4. I love that I still dream even if those dreams might never come true. Someone has to have hope right? Even if it hurts in the end. For example – me as an amazing bakery chef, a mom, a book critic, a marathon runner, etc.

Have an awesome week. Keep dreaming J we all have a little Oskar Schell in us!

Life Resolutions

Happy new year!

Ok - maybe I'm a little late. Nevertheless, I hope 2012 has started off on the right foot for you!

I originally wrote this, recorded it actually, on my phone on January 1st, technically the 2nd because it was past midnight.  I'm not sure where to begin, there seems to be a lot of room for improvement these days, as far as new year's resolutions go.  What is a New Year's resolution? I feel like I need to italicize or bold or quote the phrase "New Year's resolutions". There, I did all three! But is it simply to lose weight, to eat better, to read a book a week, to know God? What about your own heart? What can He tell you about your own heart?

We spend so much time being criticized by people, society, ourselves. What is good and what is bad; what is right and what is wrong? Who we should talk to and who we shouldn't talk to; who we should be friends with and who we shouldn't be friends with...it's as though high school never ended sometimes. But who cares what others say...what about our person? Do you even like who you are as a person? There have been  SEVERAL moments, more than I can count, when I didn't like who I was or became someone I didn't even recognize.  Not because I was depressed or had a poor self image during these times, but because I realized I wasn't being the best me I could be and should be.

But really, do you like who you are as a person? Would you make you smile? Would you be there for you? Do you take care of you? Would you put you first? Would you LOVE you?

Here are a few resolutions I plan to adopt and maintain. Surely there will be tweeks along the way, possibly with each new year:

- Less hospital visits
- Less doctor visits in general, if possible
- Living a healthy life style
- More time with family and friends
- Traveling more...maybe taking a trip alone somewhere! (I know about 10 people will shake their head at this one)
- Worrying less (and this one)
- Less car accidents (oh man, and this one and the next one!)
- Less cell phone mishaps...Less cell phone, period.
- Making wiser decisions
- Living in the moment so that it can all soak in
- Not focusing on the future TOO MUCH
- Setting goals and reaching them - never becoming complacent or comfortable with what I"ve "done" or "contributed"
- Making plans and following them through
- HA! Not making plans and being more spontaneous
- Making new friends and keeping old ones
- Building authentic and real relationships with people
- Learn to love everyone as though they are family including, but not limited to, the guy on the street corner, a coworker, even a new friend
- Not being afraid to try new things
- Learning how to say no
- Weeding out the negative and focusing on the positive
- Following God's plan, the will for my life
- Don't try to busy myself with "things" but with meaning
- Become filled with the love of God and allow His light to shine through me to others
- Address issues as they arise; don't hold grudges
- Forgive, fix, move on
- Give someone a second or third chance...or fourth or fifth if I believe in them and our relationship (friendship)
-Help other people be better...don't "change" them; enable and empower them to see the true potential they possess
- Walk the walk and talk the talk - in everything I do, believe, and stand for
- Sing karaoke with my BFF
- Send a card. Heck! Get a Hallmark card subscription!
- Call someone because I have 5 minutes
- Be ok with having been let down and know that at some point I've let others down too - minimize let downs!
- Actually being ok with things not going according to "plan"
- Learning how to deal with things when  they don't go "right"
Be the best person you can be.

You only have one thing to work with and that's you; you aren't going to find what you're looking for in other people.  We are all here for a reason. To do something great. Even if no one notices, God does. So for 2012 and beyond, be the best person you know how to be. Be true to yourself and what you believe in. Love you for you. And COUNT EVERY  BLESSING YOU HAVE!!!

This is awesome

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/155219-sarah-bessey-why-women-s-ministry-needs-jesus.html#.Tt4klKAA8zs.facebook

Read that. Please. It's not long - don't be lazy! Then read what I am going to say :) Please!

I have been part of two adult women bible/book studies. The first one was way over my head. I was 20/21 and the study talked about being married, being a mom, and growing old(er). The group of girls was great; all very nice and inviting. The hardest part was building an authentic relationship with them. It was a relatively large group so that made it a bit more difficult. And two - they were all much older, more mature in their faith, and were either married, engaged or seriously dating someone.

I am really big on authentic, genuine relationships these days. With each year I get older - believe it or not - I get wiser. I cannot put a price tag on the value of a real friendship or relationship. Knowing someone - their heart, their dreams, their struggles, their past, present, and future are all crucial, in my opinion, to showing the love of Christ. Love is greater than all things.

The second small group I was part of met on Saturday mornings. I was invited by a girl I had met at a dog park in Dallas. She lived close and assured me there would only be a few other girls. The book she wanted to study seemed intriguing - so I went. The first meeting we had was awesome. We all shed several tears, walls came down, hearts were exposed - and that is when I realized what a small group should be. I haven't been the best at keeping up with those girls since moving, but they are amazing. It was truly a safe place - no one dressed up, put on make up (it was 8 or 9 on a saturday morning),  or felt the need to impress anyone. It was real. It was authentic.

I challenge you to focus on the people in your life. Evaluate your relationships. Build them up. Show people the love of Christ.

Deductibles, Donations, and Deductions

Money sucks. Doesn’t it? It does. It can be your best friend or your worst enemy, a catch-22 type thing. Sometimes you feel like you will never get out of a hole you might be in but aren’t saying you’re in because you’re ashamed that you might possibly even be in that situation. Working in the field I work in, I’ve learned that even wealthy people make poor financial decisions – the bad part is, the repercussions  they face are greater than us poor or middle-class folk’s might face. Mo’ money, mo’ problems – as the philosophers of the rap world say.  So, today it’s about money.

Money and the holidays, two things that go hand in hand, creating the perfect storm of stress and worry. This year I am doing what I should have done as soon as I was out of my parents’ house. This year financial contributions will be made in the name of my loved ones to charities in lieu of gifts.  Each member of my immediate family will admit that if they want something, they can get in their car, go to the store, and buy it. We are fortunate. We are blessed. No, we aren’t buying Ferrari’s or multiple pairs of Louboutin shoes, or even Tiffany’s jewelry for ourselves. Our needs have been met, that’s all.  

I am actually really proud of myself. I have never been good at saving money or budgeting. But, when forced to do the inevitable, I had to get good at those things – and fast. Ever heard of an insurance deductible? Well, I met mine this year after a lovely appendectomy. I never knew what ‘deductible’ really meant because it was usually always in the thousands-of-dollars range so it was of no concern that I would ever ‘meet it’. Now I am an insurance knowledgebase.  I was forced, around June, to begin budgeting my spending and to create a pay-down plan for my astronomical (to me at least) deductible that I had, unfortunately, met. I am proud to announce that I will actually be able to use the medical deduction on my taxes this year! It’s been tough but well worth it. I haven’t splurged at a mall in months and I am actually going to survive! Through the months of budgeting and making ends meet, I was able to go on several trips and haven’t felt burdened at all.

I think that’s what has inspired my new approach to gift giving this year. Knowing that I am ok without material items has shown me how insignificant ‘stuff’ is at times.

This year is going to be different (except for my niece, she’s a baby, she gets tangible gifts!) This year my priorities will be better organized. This year is going to be a struggle, but finally not financially. This year I am going to try to focus on why we gather for Thanksgiving and the true meaning of Christmas. Instead of joining the mad dashers, and die hard sale finders for “Black Friday” shopping, I will be relaxing at my parents’ house after a fabulous meal the day before, without a stress or worry in the world (maybe, I can dream, can’t I???). This year it’s not about the ‘stuff’ I might be given or receive. This year I will be filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/78831884/ministry-of-poster-r044-fruit-of-the

 

#2 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series}

Preface (from the 1st post in the series)- Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one a day until I run out of things to say about them. I have to limit it to one [or two!]  a day so I don’t bore you with my chatter:

“You are here, be present” - This speaks volumes to modern day society. I can’t even say “this generation” or “American society” because it is addressing everyone. To the students trying to do homework at Starbucks, distracted by Facebook and iTunes downloading, to the stay at home moms, grandparents, etc.  who can’t get off their iPhone apps (words with friends, for example), to the twenty-something striving to be a professional by today’s standards, we are all somewhere else most of the time. Yes, I’ve been in situations where someone, older than I am, told a coworker and friend that having an iPhone or smart phone was necessary to the advancement of their career; this ‘boss’ also said  having emails sent to it was a way to measure professionalism and one’s  drive to move up in a firm. Seriously???? This friend of mine, at the time, hardly even knew how to answer a cell phone!

Yes, I know, I’m one to talk. Counting down the days to when I will get my new iPhone 4S in the mail, I have no right to speak. However, how many times do you think about walking away from the person you’re trying to have a conversation with, you know, the one who hardly looks up from their ‘smart’ device to truly understand you or hear you?  Have you ever thought about telling someone, “you’re here, be present”?  Sounds harsh but maybe we need to do that sometimes.

Note to friends/family - I am really digging a hole here, aren’t I?

Turn off the world around you, or at least let it go for a few hours a day. Don’t tell the world what you’re doing via Facebook. Don't pull a Kardashian move and make your entire life public - you don't HAVE to. Don’t answer every call because each one is not SO IMPORTANT that your life depends on it. Answer your text messages after dinner. Let your work emails rack up – the hours of 8-5 are there for a reason. Everything in moderation – that doesn’t just go for food. Generate, foster, cultivate real, authentic relationships…and just be still.

#1 Online Shopping Inspiration {Series}

Preface - Do you ever see things hung up in someone’s home and you wonder if they even know what it says? If it has any meaning to them or not? Maybe you don’t, but I do. As I was shopping online the other day I ran across these little poster, hanging, canvas print decoration things and began to think about what each one said and meant to me, not that I would readily hang them up all over my apartment or anything.  I will post one or two a day until I run out of things to say about them!

 

Oh Steve Jobs – how you have inspired so many. I don’t know of his religious preference but in my book, the Good Book, we are told that nothing we stockpile up here on earth is ever going anywhere after this life. Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish. I wouldn’t say endorsing foolishness is the wisest advice, but have fun with life. Don’t torment yourself with stress and anxiety (yes, I need to take my own advice). Do something fun and for yourself at least once a day. Do something you ENJOY with people you LOVE once a week. Never pass a moment you have of free time to call someone you miss or have been meaning to catch up with. Please, dear friends, don’t EVER take a job for the security or money – even if it means you’re a bit hungrier. It’s a good weight loss tactic!

Live the life you were meant to live. Find joy in everything – even the way your dog might lick you all over after a sweaty workout. It’s the little things in life that count. Try not to take things for granted. If there is a shoulda, coulda, woulda statement coming out of your mouth daily, make it happen, get over it, or find a way around it. My PALS teacher in high school always said “don’t b***h about things, do something about them”. No, not the most appropriate sentiment to leave 16, 17 and 18 year olds with but, the woman got things done! If you’re out of place, pray about it. Ask and you shall receive. God answers prayers on His time so show patience. We are all on a journey. At the end of our journey no one is going to ask how your stock portfolio looks, what you retired with, how many cars you have, what licenses and certifications you retained – people will comment on your heart, your soul, your being, your faith in God, your friendship, your love. Just keep on keepin’ on.


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sale away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails, explore, dream, discover" - Mark Twain

The Steve Jobs' quote inspired my thoughts further on this piece. This poster caught my attention initially because of the reference to a flower. I’m a girl. I’m girly. I like flowers. Not too difficult. However, after I realized what it said, did I become intrigued. It’s a simple thought. Not too overly complex, complicated, or convoluted. Straight and simple and to the point. What is a miracle? Most wouldn’t consider a single flower a miracle but just THINK about it. How awesome is the process of a plant - a budding flower morphing into a beautiful and picturesque object that is on the earth for our enjoyment? How intricate our world has become even though it is full of tiny miracles. Our whole life would change if we understood, enjoyed, comprehended, loved, confided in the miracles around us. How? Personally, maybe I would be less over dramatic, more go with the flow. Maybe I wouldn’t stress quite as much or worry about things I cannot change or control. Maybe I would laugh more, stay up later, take things for granted less.  How would your life be changed if you could see and know the miracle of a single flower clearly?

Jack-o-Lanterns for dinner!

PS - check this out too!

Is it too late to post this???? Halloween was JUST yesterday! I don’t think it’s too late. Jack-o’s should be for all of Fall. They are fall colors, aren’t they? I am posting it. So here you go! (PS - sounds like a lot of work but it's not!!!!)

I had some WONDERFUL company last night, good friend from middle school (even though we knew of each other before but didn’t like each other!), high school, college, and beyond…oh and she is now my neighbor…came over for a glass of wine and girl talk.

We talked about our weekend, our joys, and our struggles; laughed and related to one another all while we drank some “Steak and Potatoes”. It’s this really awesome wine I tried at the Alon Market HEB (had to specify because this HEB is the best HEB in all of SA). The sample guy didn’t even card me! So I felt obligated. Anyways, it’s the closest thing I will ever get to eating steak and potatoes so there you go.

While we talked I mixed together the following in a large bowl:

1lb of ground turkey, raw  – 93/7 (had to use 85/15 because there wasn’t any 93/7 at the time)

1 long squeeze of Dijon mustard (should have been about ¼ cup)

1 heaping dollop of Enchilada Sauce (mild, medium, whatever – it should be about ½ cup or so)

1 small onion, chopped (I don’t care if you use white, yellow, green, purple, or brown – I used yellow)

1 small tomato or half a large tomato, chopped – or more, play with it!

2-4 cloves fresh pressed garlic – I used 4, we love garlic

4 slices of whole wheat bread, cubed – this makes the mixture thick – weird I know but good!

After I mixed everything thoroughly, CW (neighbor friend) and I got to work on our bell peppers. You will need about 4-8 bell peppers (whatever color, flavor you like). I found the kind with relatively flat bottoms so they would stand up. I had 4 but there was about half the meat mix left over – will probably cook it up tonight for tacos or something or make turkey burgers out of it.

Anyways – take a tiny paring knife and carve out your Jack-o. Be careful not to get too intricate or the poor pepper will fall apart. After you carve out a face, cut off the top of the pepper. All the seeds, or most, will stick to the top. Cut them all off and carefully scrap out and rinse your Jack-o-Lantern. See our cuties below:

Then you will stuff them lightly, don’t pack the meat mixture down (I don't know why, just don’t do it). We filled ours up and put their little caps, seed-free, back on top, arranged them on my new pampered chef mini bar pan (so cute), and baked them at 350 for 1 hour.

With about ten minutes left we took off the lids and put some Mexican blend cheese on top and let them finish baking.

CW's Pumpkin - looks like he is drooling!

His face got a little distored - they shrivle up and look 'scary' - so fun!

As a side I steamed some asparagus. Most people don’t like it but that’s because it’s not cooked right. Put your asparagus, with 1 inch of the ends cut off, in a large sauce pan with water and a pinch of salt. The water should cover them. As the water heats up and begins to boil, your asparagus (that’s like ‘deer’ – no plural alternative) will start to turn bright green. You know they are done when a fork slides through them easily but they aren’t soggy (about 5-10 minutes). Serve immediately with another pinch of salt for flavor.

And VIOLA – Jack-o’s in the pumpkin (bell pepper) patch!

Straight vs. Snaggletooth

If you need to justify your own or other peoples’ crooked teeth by creating a trend out of it, then you are in serious need of help. Yes, I just saw an article on MSN’s homepage (my go-to source for all the latest happenings in the world, and my homepage that I, apparently, am not allowed to change – company idiosyncrasy) that read “Are Crooked Teeth the Next Big Beauty Trend?”.  Really? So because Kate Moss has slightly crooked teeth, we all should? No. I mean, don’t get me wrong, my teeth aren’t perfect by any means. Shoot, this isn’t even about TEETH or how straight or snaggletooth you may be. It’s the principle of the matter, people.

Why do we have trends? What is a trend? Is trending the hot, new thing? Aren’t we all individuals, equally and uniquely made? Why does an imperfection need to be a trend? Are we that shallow? Are we that insecure that we have to expose our slight “flaws” (better referred to as “differences” or “character traits”) in order to make ourselves feel better?

Toddlers and Tiara’s – perfect example (ok, maybe not perfect) – those poor, little, sweet, overly shiny tots are a conformity waiting to happen. Yes, they are cute and they might have fun, but those moms are NUTS.  And yes, we might dress our kids up (for the record, no kids here!) and snap a picture or two but this show is extreme and they are exploiting these little girls to an immoral level.  They even give the girls fake teeth to put in since they are losing them left and right! Getting off my soap box now.

Where is the love? I am not perfect. My family isn’t perfect, but I love them and they love me. Don’t succumb to trends. Don’t drink coffee at Starbucks because everyone else does, do it if you like it. Don’t dress a certain way to fit in, unless that’s truly your style. Don’t eat a certain thing, like sushi, because it’s a hot topic, especially if you really hate raw fish! Don’t change yourself to fall into a trend (example – frizz out your hair just because that’s “in”). Being different and unique is what makes you, you. Those are the things, the crooked teeth, frizzy hair, curves, funny looking toes (will explain), that make you stand out above the rest. The less conforming you do, the more true to yourself you are.  I guarantee you will be ten million times happier in life, too!

Side note – yes, I have funny toes. One is shorter than the other, the “middle” toe on both feet, to be exact. Of course I get made fun of, but I don’t mind, because, to be totally honest, I love my little toe.  You should love your distinctive qualities, too!

PS - LET'S GO RANGERS!!! C'MON NOW!!!

For the Normal People

I saw this and laughed.

Do you ever feel like the old saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," just doesn't quite fit the bill? I am really trying to love it. Well, I am really trying to at least LIKE it. It being my job. The past week and the few days of this week have been fine. We have been pretty busy. That helps.

I'm normally the one who opens my mouth in meetings and can't seem to "shut up and listen" but shutting up and listening has come very easily these past few months. I usually have a lot of suggestions and honestly, I have some good ideas! However, I just haven't felt like saying much. This place will never change and if it's going to, it will be because of a few people who aren't open to suggestions and who will do it their way. I really hope I am in a holding cell. I really hope and pray for some type of answer as to why I am at this place.

Do you ever feel like that? Like you're in a holding cell? Just waiting around for 'the next big thing'? I feel like that unusually often. Too often. Patience is so incredibly cumbersome to endure. Would you agree? It's not that I want "things", I just want to have a purpose. To know what the heck is going on in my life more than 50% of the time. To know the general direction my life is going in. There are so many unknowns. Too many!

Wasn't someone supposed to warn us of this feeling? I went from wearing 100 different hats and balancing 50 different plates in high school and college, to NOTHING - diddly squat, if you will. Well, the year after college was exciting but in a very bad way, unfortunately. And sure, I can better myself by going BACK to school or studying for an exam that is 100% against me or joining a convent (extreme, I know). I just don't FEEL like those are the things I should be doing right now. However, I don't feel like I should be doing ANYTHING right now which is a really crummy feeling. I just need to go to work and be here. Here. Day in and day out. Here. That's it. Nothing exciting. You can all stop reading now.

Kidding.

But in all seriousness - doesn't reality suck??? No jokes, people. I know my parents and siblings are laughing right now because I tend to be a bit on the dramatic side, but FOR REAL! I want to juggle a plate and wear a few hats. I want to DO something. I don't want to be in this holding cell anymore. Oh dearest patience - how I loathe you - but I know somewhere, in the midst of all this that is boring, I am here for a reason, a season, a purpose, a - who knows what.

I know I am not the only one. I know I am probably going to feel like this at several moments in my life. Or, God could just hop me around from good thing to good thing and then I would never, ever be bored again. In my prayers (dreams).

Be still people!

Last night I went to a community worship service, and during that time I took a note, yes on my cell phone so it looked like I was texting, of the verse Psalm 46:10. I had forgotten about that verse! How ironic is it that Psalm 46:10 was one of the first bible verses I ever memorized? Ironic not because it’s a very short verse, give me some credit here, but because of what it says and how I am. Psalm 46:10 says –

Be still. What in the world does that mean? I can hardly sit still long enough to think about it! I don’t know how to be still. Ask anyone. The only thing I can sit through is a movie and sometimes church, but I normally have to get up and go to the bathroom at least once! But does being still mean being physically immobile? What about the cell phone ringing? The dog barking? The radio blaring? What about a broken heart? What about sadness? What about all the other distractions and thoughts one has in a day? What about the awesome Texas Ranger’s game?!

Being still is not just about being motionless, stationary. Being still is quieting our hearts and our minds, stopping whatever it is that makes us all so daggum busy, forcing ourselves to slow down, to escape from this thing we are doing day in and day out (living life). Being still is turning over our heartaches and racing thoughts over to God. That’s where the second part of the verse comes in handy.

“…And know that I am God”

Can we, the human race, conceive of how big He is? I can’t. Half the time I think I am God, that I can do it all, that when I fail it’s just the Devil trying to stop me, not God, or some other outlandish excuse to get around doing His will.

I had to stop writing for a moment believe it or not! I can’t describe God’s greatness. I can’t describe how to know God. There isn’t a book or verse that can encompass all that He is, was, and will be. We have faith in Him. We know He is there. We feel his presence….when we are still.  Readers, a few things from the past year have taught me these things and these things are all I have to offer you:

When life comes at you fast – be still and know He is God.

When you feel like letting go – be still, let Him take your hand

When it seems all is lost – be still, and know that He is everything and he will never leave you

When you’re faced with a difficult decision and know you instantly made the wrong choice – be still, He is there, comforting you

When you find yourself on your knees and have no idea what else to do but cry – be still, He is wiping your tears and healing your heart

When it seems like no one understands – be still, and know that He gets it and it was all part of His plan no matter how messed up it seems to be

When you’re blessed beyond belief, filled with happiness, surrounded by loved ones, financially stable, and living the dream – be still…understand, be thankful, and know that He is God.

In everything, at every stage of life, in all situations take ten minutes to be still…even if it means taking a bubble bath! Close your eyes, let go of all the good, bad, and ugly inside your heart and your mind, and know that He is God.  Yes, I need to take my own advice!

"Did you pray about it?" - Accountability

A few days ago...ok maybe a week or so now... I was totally convicted when a good friend and mentor asked if I had "prayed about it". Maybe not totally convicted. Let's say more like, 'caught off guard'.  I had prayed about 'it' - at least I thought I had. Maybe I hadn't. How do I answer that question if I'm not really sure if I did or not? I know I had more like begged....pleaded....talked....complained about 'it' but I'm not 100% sure I would say I prayed about 'it'.

'It' is a project that I got involved in at the beginning of September and have been struggling with keeping it in my life or not. At first it was a way to make a little extra money, to pay off some medical bills and other small debts that were more a nuisance than burden.  'It' is something I could justify removing from my life with "it has served its purpose and now I can move on".  But, that was ME talking. I never really listened for an answer. That night I prayed about it. I think my justification was right. I think removing me from this particular 'it' situation is really what I should do.  (No, the 'it' I'm speaking of is not an illegal act or some ungodly thing.... I would just rather not blast it all over the WWW)

I've had clear signals. Maybe not flares lit up all around me, but definite signs that my time with 'it' is done. Getting out of 'it' is a whole other story. However, I am truly blessed to have been in a position to experience 'it'.  I was provided for. There was never a financial burden or worry. My needs have been met. Thanks be to God.

It's so amazing to experience the power of prayer and putting faith in God. Even our own currency reminds us to trust in God! Never have I not been able to make ends meet. Never have I been led astray in decision making. If I made a bad decision, I knew it was because 1) I didn't pray about it or 2) I ignored God's teaching and did my own thing. I know there will be more experiences like the one I am referring to and I know that all doors have not been closed. There is a time and place for everything and I am just waiting for the next sign to point me in the direction I'm supposed to be going.

Now that I think about it, this same friend has asked me if I have prayed about a few other things.... I'm glad I have that person. Accountability people! It works!

So dear readers, have you prayed about it??? Have you prayed today, this week, this month? Do you pray when life gets tough or all the time? God is your BFF - tell him stuff, what you're happy with, what you're struggling with, talk to him :)

Things I Miss

Oh nostalgia - you might be the death of me - but I can't help but randomly think of those little, and soemtimes not so little things I miss about the randomness that is LIFE

1. Tuesday afternoons. When I was living in D, working at the most amazing accounting firm (Did I mention I was an accountant? It's not exciting. Therefore there isn't much to say), I got the opportunity to go to a particular client's office every Tuesday afternoon, and sometimes more often. Definitely more often when it got closer to moving day. The sweetest lady EVER worked there as the 'mom' of a company which was predomenantly male populated. She took care of everyone and everything. She still does! She isn't gone even though I am. She loves those guys (and girls) and bends over backwards for them. She was my saving grace while in D. She kept me sane. Kept me happy. Loved me like her own. And made me go to the doctor when I was sick. That's love, people. I know my parents appreciate her as much as I do. I never minded staying late at that client's office. We always had so much to talk about. I could never get enough of her. Maybe one day I will get my Tuesday afternoon back. She is only allowed to retire when I have a kid that she can watch during the day - if I ever am in D again.

2. A little less personal - Nokia phones and snake game. Oh the simplicity! Now there are more angry birds, fruit ninjas, and other gadgets (apps, whatever) than I know what to do with. Also - the blackberry I am using  has seen better days. The trackball fell out! And all the little computer pieces fell apart.  I spent a good chunk of the morning googling "blackberry shortcuts" and you will be pleased to know I will be ok.  However, I can't tell you how excited I am for my iphone 4S that should be arriving aaannnyyyyy day now! The irony of simplicity is we, most of us, want to love it or do love it, but tend to be the most over dramatic about the simplest of things - or maybe it's just me but I am pretty sure its not.

3. Friends. Two of my very best friends live too far. Enough said. I miss them. When you're from Texas, far means still traveling within the state, so yes - several hours of driving is far. If you can fly there, it's far. One of these girls has been in my life for YEARS and YEARS. We always had our own thing. Not quite like any other friendship. I wouldn't say we have grown apart. I definitely would say she is the type of person you can not talk to for a few days/weeks/months and then catch up over coffee and feel like you never missed a beat! She is a rock. An encouragement. A phone call away. The other fantastic person and I can skype all day, work, complain, laugh, and be totally on the same page without seeing each other. She is the person who makes me "LOL" just by reading a text, cry with her sweet Halmark cards (she has a subscription!), and who makes me think outside the box - or at least outside my all-too-often-narrow-mindedness.  Did I mention she has the two most adorable children?!?! Well, she does.

4. Mad minutes. Do you remember these? I'm not THAT old (age complex - will explain later) but these were those worksheets you would be given in math class that you would have 1 minute to complete, hence the cute slogan - "MAD MINUTE". I was actually really good at those at one point **day dreams for a moment**. Now I need a calculator. Isn't that sad??? No, I'm not a moron. I just lost my ability to do quick, simple math. I blame it on the one and only - ten key. Blast you, ten key, with your red and black ink, opposite entry from a regular calculator, and old timey sound when printing the numbers on that cute strip of "tape"! I'm going to get sister to make me some mad minutes. Sister is a first grade teacher. Or I can google them.

5. Family. Duh. Who doesn't miss their family? I am lucky enough to have most of them right here in the great city of San Antonio (and surrounding areas). But I miss my family in Louisiana and Michigan and Dallas and Colorado. Little people grow up too fast. (And why must they all be taller than me?! I'm 5 ft 1 in according to my driver's license! And what the DL says, goes.) Oh well - just another good excuse to travel!

6. Dallas. I know I came back to San Antonio for a reason. I love it here. I love being around Family and Friends. I miss Dallas though. Not going to lie. Glad I have reasons to visit still! I am hard to keep occupied - but DFW does it! There is ALWAYS something to do or place to go or thing to try. And my job. My job that I miss so much is there. I think I miss it most now, during the fall, because of all the festivities going on - Oktoberfest, Taste of (enter city name here), State Fair, etc.

7. Cheerleading and Dance. I can't wait to have a little girl who I hope and pray loves being girly just like me! Yes - lots of dramatics when you go this route but, so much fun at the same time. Lots of leasons learned. Lots of memories made. Lots to look forward to! Z (niece) is well on her way, sister won't admit it though! We were direct opposites growing up.

8. Being little. Not weight wise. Age wise. I miss being little. My dad makes fun of me for liking to watching old family videos because I always cry afterwards. Being a little kid is so much fun. I hope little kids still have fun these days and aren't bogged down by the weights that are this world. Don't parents know little people shouldn't lift weights at such young ages???

9. Gender Roles. I don't think I have ever seen true gender roles, as portrayed in the Bible, lived out in modern day society. I mean, I'm not ignorant, I know 'things change' and I have seen good examples of people living out the Biblically defined rules. I might have to ask my neighbor and long time friend's husband his opinion for a post later on. He majored in Bible stuff at ACU :) (see yesterday's post)

10. Being busy. I like being busy. I miss not being busy. I love being a social butterfly. I miss not always being able to be a social butterfly. I miss not having a full calendar. I miss not getting enough sleep (weird I know). But I love the QT I spend with friends and family. I love Happy Hours, Trivia, Date and Game nights with the neighbors. I have a blog now. I will be busy now!

11. I Love Lucy. Lucille Ball. I never met her. Well, I thought I did at one point - in the first grade I thought I met her at Disney Land in CA. I was soon informed that the person I met was an impersonator, imposter, fake, fraud, etc. I cried. It was sad. I wish I had met her. I think she is fabulous. She was different. Overcame many obstacles as a woman in her day. Oh, and she is hilarious!

12. Maybe more to come.... back to blackberry shortcut memorizing...and working :)