Do you ever feel like the old saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," just doesn't quite fit the bill? I am really trying to love it. Well, I am really trying to at least LIKE it. It being my job. The past week and the few days of this week have been fine. We have been pretty busy. That helps.
I'm normally the one who opens my mouth in meetings and can't seem to "shut up and listen" but shutting up and listening has come very easily these past few months. I usually have a lot of suggestions and honestly, I have some good ideas! However, I just haven't felt like saying much. This place will never change and if it's going to, it will be because of a few people who aren't open to suggestions and who will do it their way. I really hope I am in a holding cell. I really hope and pray for some type of answer as to why I am at this place.
Do you ever feel like that? Like you're in a holding cell? Just waiting around for 'the next big thing'? I feel like that unusually often. Too often. Patience is so incredibly cumbersome to endure. Would you agree? It's not that I want "things", I just want to have a purpose. To know what the heck is going on in my life more than 50% of the time. To know the general direction my life is going in. There are so many unknowns. Too many!
Wasn't someone supposed to warn us of this feeling? I went from wearing 100 different hats and balancing 50 different plates in high school and college, to NOTHING - diddly squat, if you will. Well, the year after college was exciting but in a very bad way, unfortunately. And sure, I can better myself by going BACK to school or studying for an exam that is 100% against me or joining a convent (extreme, I know). I just don't FEEL like those are the things I should be doing right now. However, I don't feel like I should be doing ANYTHING right now which is a really crummy feeling. I just need to go to work and be here. Here. Day in and day out. Here. That's it. Nothing exciting. You can all stop reading now.
Kidding.
But in all seriousness - doesn't reality suck??? No jokes, people. I know my parents and siblings are laughing right now because I tend to be a bit on the dramatic side, but FOR REAL! I want to juggle a plate and wear a few hats. I want to DO something. I don't want to be in this holding cell anymore. Oh dearest patience - how I loathe you - but I know somewhere, in the midst of all this that is boring, I am here for a reason, a season, a purpose, a - who knows what.
I know I am not the only one. I know I am probably going to feel like this at several moments in my life. Or, God could just hop me around from good thing to good thing and then I would never, ever be bored again. In my prayers (dreams).
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