Life is good

Hello world!

Haven't said much lately, haven't had much time. This is not, I repeat, is not a bad thing. I'm sure I talk way too much as it is anyway. My last post was 99% complete about three weeks ago if that says anything.

Let me briefly update you on my life sitch (maybe not 'briefly'):

Work - Is awesome. I still love my job. It's crazy, busy, I work a ton of hours, have about a million and one things to do, work mostly from my phone (which is A-ok by me), have developed some pretty awesome friendships and continue to learn new things daily. From the intricacies of new business, the quirks of coworkers, the struggle between learning to say "no" and delegate to just wanting to get things done. I have  been pulled in a million directions - which sounds absolutely dreadful to  most - but I have never felt more comfortable with my work. I am pretty dang lucky to have the job I have. I know God has a reason for placing me here. I know there is a lot more to be learned. There are some pretty amazing people at my office who are going to get me where I need to be whether I know what is happening or not! I have become especially close with one person. I care about her so much and I know she looks out for me as well. She is God's light when everything else is dark. She is my Ms. D in SA. Let's just say this is definitely the opportunity of a lifetime.

Personal - so there's this guy.... but not just ANY guy this time. Yes, WORLD, he is perfect. He is everything I could ask for and more. He is my sunshine. He makes me happy when skies are grey. He is my answered prayer. He is the antithesis of my prayer - to be honest. Before him, I had given it all to God. I had said, no more guys - I just need a daggum J-O-B. I got my JOB, went to CC to celebrate my friend's graduation and one last woorah before starting my new job, got a FB message from this incredibly handsome guy I knew in college my first year, decided I shouldn't see him because my priority was my friend's graduation - oh yea and I left my stupid purse in the auditorium so my friend and I were a bit preoccupied the night he messaged me (in search for my bag, which we found - thank GOD)... and the rest is (or will be) history. Let me tell you something, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I have never, ever been so thankful for someone in all my life. He is an encouragement to me like none other. He respects me, loves me (yes people, we love each other in the purest, most appreciative and truest way), uplifts me, and has become my best friend. I feel like I've known him for years (which technically I have) but it's been a beautiful experience. Hello, who comes to SA from CC on a MONDAY night just to take you to dinner - for sushi,  of all things!???? I LOVE that he loves sushi. I love that he speaks my love language (gifts). I love that he loves the Lord. I love that we are ridiculously compassionate, supportive, encouraging and respectful of one another. I love that he has so much going for him but still puts me first. I love that he loves R&B and we can exchange lyrics when a song reminds one of the other. I love that others see it - see that this time it is different. I love that he takes charge of our relationship, makes firm decisions and sticks with them, and never forgets to do what he says he will do. I love that he isn't afraid to talk about the 'hard' stuff. I love that this time it's real. He will be around for as long as God allows  him to be - just FYI!

Random: BFF is coming to town soon and CANNOT WAIT to see her - ecstatic to say the least. Also, this could TOTALLY make breaking news but C and I totally just jumped her car. Yes, people, with jumper cables and all. Pretty sure I thought we might die for half a sec....or two or three... but we made it!!!! We did so well. So happy I was able to help her out and share in such a monumental occasion.... in the parking lot.... of a gas station.... in a rental car.... in heels... etc. But we survived and she is home safe. On another note, I definitely miss PD. She is in DC, doing her thing, being a BA, and making a name for herself. I cannot wait to see her at Christmas (maybe Thanksgiving!!!). I am trying very hard to make it up to DC to see her. She is incredible. Love all my friends and family.  - My niece is still incredible. Dad's business is going perfectly...super busy, lots of work. So proud. Bother in law started a new job too, at USAA, he is doing really well. Sister, as always, is being perfect. Making sure those little mini's are being groomed into perfect, intelligent little people and citizens of the world. So thankful, proud, and happy for my family.

Just crazy how nothing was happening two months ago and now everything I could ask for is happening. It's a struggle but definitely practicing the whole - taking it a day at a time thing. Thankful for everything and everyone (near and far) in my life.

Figuring "It" Out....

Growing up is hard

Life flies by

People change

Friends come and go

Family drifts apart

...and to be quite blunt, your world can really suck at times....

More often than not, it might appear, things seem to be the opposite of what you want or hope or expect or anything even close.

What I want to focus on is making yourself happy. I'm sure I've said this before. I'm sure many of you have said this to ME when I was a youngen' hahaha I am OLD - did you forget????

I've talked to a handful of people in the past week about doing what is right for them and in accordance with the will of God. Forget the money, forget the title, forget your responsibility compared to your coworkers', forget about what others think, forget what you think you know, forget trying to force the inevitable.

Embrace your situation. Be steadfast in prayer, faithful in your beliefs, and thankful for life. Even if you think it's crummy. Look for the open door God is putting in front of you and walk through it. Discover and pray about making your strengths and gifts apparent. Seek out a mentor, someone you trust, who is of Godly character, and ask for guidance in doing the will of God.

So, for real, no joke, you don't "feel" things just because. There is a reason you are excited about something. There is a point to every positive emotion. Listen to them. You have a purpose. Don't give up and don't feel defeated. You're going to be just fine in the hands of God - I know because He has proven that to me, time and time again, even though I should have trusted Him from the very start.

You are a creature like no other. You will figure it out. We are all trying to figure "it" out- take heart, friend, you're not alone (even if you're only 19 or well on your way to 99).

Love you!

Does the silence ever stop?

Does the silence ever stop?

Someone woke me up, via text message, with the above question - at 10:30 - and I was already asleep (HA! Lame). However, my first thought was more on the smart mouth side, "yea, I was asleep and it was nice and quiet before you decided to inquire about said 'silence'." And I rolled over and went back to sleep, without responding.

I admit, I should have said SOMETHING to my friend last night, but I didn't have the words. This morning I saw it again, half forgetting I even read it initially. I thought. I showered and thought, got dressed and thought, took out my dogs and didn't think about anything other than "Guy, hurry up and make a poo!", and then on the way to work it hit me.... No, I didn't wreck my car again (I just got it back!). I finally knew what to tell this person.

Does the silence ever stop? ... I simply said, "Yes, when you talk to God." Man, am I a genius or WHAT?

Kidding.

But really, I've been there. When you feel like you're sitting in the pit of hell (I can't imagine that's a quiet place but you get the idea), nothing you planned for your life has seemed to work out, and you're alone with just your thoughts. It's a sad, silent and somber place to be.

Lately though I've had the opposite problem, my mind NEVER shuts up. It's absolutely horrible.

But even still the solution to quiet your mind and rest your heart is to talk to God. I've found. We hope, and dream, and push, and strive for our lives to be in a particular place or with a particular person or working at a particular job - but the truth is, God's plan is divine. It is better than anything we could ever imagine.

 

I love this.

 

And of course, this could not be more true....

 

 

(Got to love pinterest!!!)

 

Silence & Nothing. God. Restlessness & Noise. God. Everything & Chaos. God. (Like how I did that???)

We HAVE to take things a day at a time. We can so easily overwhelm ourselves, bring worry and fear and reluctance into our daily routine, and allow Satan to get the better of us. That isn't God's will. We must be positive. We must KNOW his plans are for us to prosper and have hope. He doesn't say we should trust in Him if we feel like it or that we can believe in His will if we want to. He says to KNOW and he doesn't say it in passing, He DECLARES it. That's major.

 

 



So yes, the silence will stop. Life will go on. You will be upheld by His righteous right hand. Have faith, friends.

Love you!

The time has come!

Well folks, the time has come, I am finally employed. I feel like a teacher, maybe not quite so much “trepidation” involved in returning to the workforce but I was off for what felt like an eternity! It was pretty BA, no lie.

I started two weeks ago and have been loving it ever since. It was definitely an adjustment, getting back into the swing of things, but I am really looking forward to the opportunity I have been given. So, of course the job is awesome or I wouldn’t have taken it, but let me take you through my journey and a few life lessons I encountered from May through August.

1.       Conquering all – fear of the unknown: I am a very planned, calculated, premeditated (most of the time), type A person. Those types of people, I’m sure you know a few, don’t up and leave a job without anything lined up. But I am here to tell you, your heart and your gut and most importantly - the Lord - all know what they are talking about when you feel the urge to do something drastic. I had no plan. I had faux faith. I was prideful. None of those are great qualities but I’m trying to be honest here. I was of the “fake it till you make it” frame of mind. I told myself I trusted in the Lord but FOR REAL, who the heck was I kidding??? Not Him, that’s for sure. I had an inkling He could help me out; that He knew what was up. I had the tiniest mustard seed size faith you could imagine. A mustard seed it was, nonetheless. I finally threw caution to the wind, if you will, and learned over a 4 month time span, to trust in the Lord. In all things. Not just a new job. He provided all the right things, at all the right times, in all the right ways, with all the right people.

2.       Who I am: You think you know until you realize you have no idea, who you truly are. I struggled through and proudly overcame numerous things while I was off work. It wasn’t overnight, that’s for sure.  I busied myself working out, being with friends and family, volunteering, going to networking events, helping with the UIW Alumni Board, playing with my dogs, applying for jobs, interviewing, going to the beach, going to Hawaii, etc. But in and by all those activities I was able to learn so much about myself. Meeting new people, talking about myself on dates or in interviews or meeting new people on vacation, forced me to figure out what in the world I was all about. I came to the conclusion that I have a purpose. I learned that I am intelligent and shouldn’t settle. I realized that I am beautiful inside and out. I discovered how to protect my heart and hold onto my true worth. I recognized that getting my CPA won’t kill me and I know I can do it.

3.       Day by day, by day, by day…. : Have you ever really read “The Lord’s Prayer”? Taken it piece by piece and figured out what it really was saying? Did you know that the prayer was written to teach us how to pray? Learned that in church, thank you very much! But a line that really spoke to me is “give us this day, our daily bread”. Way back in the old days, like in the 70’s, KIDDING, more like in Jesus time and I’m sure even now, most people received a daily rate of pay. That “payment” was used to obtain food and shelter and other basic necessities for families. While I was off, I really had to remind myself to slow down, take it a day at a time, trust God’s plan for my life, and let go. All I had to do was take it a day at a time. The Lord was going to provide for me. I couldn’t push things to happen. I prayed for peace and patience and thankfully it was given to me.

So friends, I challenge you to do a few of the following as we start a new week:

-          Put yourself outside your comfort zone, meet new people, and attend an event that you might not go to normally because it’s not “cool” or you don’t have anyone to go with.

-          Spend time with you. You and God. You will be surprised how many times you end up on your knees, praying for or thanking Him for one thing or another. Working through your issues and getting back to knowing who you are.

-          Focus on each day as it is given to you. You aren’t promised tomorrow. Don’t get caught up in the stuff of this life. None of it is going with you when you are called home.

-          Spend time with those who matter most.

-          Earnestly seek His will and your prayers will be answered at the most perfect moment – PROMISE

Have a great one, love you all!!!

Think about what you're thinking about

An excerpt from Joyce Meyer's devotional "Battlefield of the Mind"

"...Whatever we focus on, we become...Wherever we put our energies or our attention, those things will develop...

If we focus only on the negative things in our lives, we become negative people. Everything, including our conversations, becomes negative. We soon lose our joy and live miserable lives--and it all started with our own thinking."

Joyce and I both challenge you to think about what you're thinking about.

I think... A lot! More than any sane human should. Maybe I'm insane. There I go again! It's a vicious cycle. One that can definitely lead to depression, discouragement, and a myriad of other downward spiraling, cause and effect situations. When we think negatively we are fueling a fire of unwelcome emotions.

I did this the other day. I sat in my bed and thought until 5 am. It wasn't constructive. Thankfully I have amazing family and friends to pull me out of such dumpy places.

One friend reminded me, ever so simply and sweetly, that we are fearfully and wonderfully LOVED. Also, that we are human beings, not human doings. So no matter how badly we think we suck, God loves us immensely! We can go to Him for anything. He is our Father. Literally!

I go to my dad for everything!!!! Good, bad, and ugly! Car accidents being the most recent. But also to share in good times and thankfulness for life in general. We shouldn't think negatively about ourselves or situations we may be in. Bad things happen, we sin, we mess up, stuff doesn't quite pan out the way we had hoped, but a Father's love is insurmountable and all encompassing. There is a reason, too, a method to the madness, if you will. Sometimes we will understand and sometimes we won't. But positive thinking, faith in our Father, and thankfulness for life's blessings are so critical.

A few more words to leave you with from Joyce...

"We should choose our thoughts carefully. We can think about what is wrong with our lives or about what is right with them. We can think about what is wrong with all the people we are in relationship with or we can see the good and meditate on that. The Bible teaches us to always believe the best. When we do that, it makes our own lives happier and more peaceful."

Happy thinking, friends!

Lord have mercy-that's all I got

Well...friends...family...etc, 25 is slowly rearing it's ugly head...28 days and counting. What a whirlwind the last few weeks have been. Let's be honest... New friends, job interviews, life revelations, boys to date, relational maturity, I could go on. Some of those matter more than others. Maybe I'm only being honest because I'm on red wine glass #2...REGARDLESS!!!

Side note- I had a boss who used to say "irregardless" and that, dear readers, is NOT A FLIPPING WORD!!! just FYI :)

Anyways - Joshua Radin is singing about how "It's a Brand New Day" in the background and all I can think about is, the cycle never DOES end (check lyrics). I almost wish it would. I'm over it. I'll be ok though.

The waiting game is killing me, to be frank. Not about a job. I didn't interview for WEEKS for a reason. Interviewing means having to tell people "no". Interviewing is not a weakness. Talking to new people is not a weakness. Hence the reason I waited so long to kick start this whole "find a job" thing. I think I've narrowed it down to a good three choices. All totally different- one is a nonprofit position (being groomed for the VP of finance), another at a media company as a senior (have a few reservations but seems to be a great company and position), and one at a public accounting form (been there, done that , but WHO KNOWS, maybe I could do it again).

Now Jon McLaughlin sings about "Beautiful Disasters"

"She would change everything for happy ever after. Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster."

In other news- I signed a new lease. Not moving. Same place. 10 month lease. Didn't really feel like paying $300 more a month while trying to figure my life out. I made a firm commitment to SA and my family and to give SA a "chance", if you will. You might or might not be all streamers and party hats about that, not 100% I am, but I know in my insides it was the right move. Gotta love those gut feelings, eh?

Well, dear ones, here is to waiting. Never imagined my life this way but doing the best with what I've been dealt. And no lies- not sure I'm 100% happy about that either. The big man upstairs and I have had a lot of talks....for a while now. I did so well for so long. Accomplished so much in such a short time. Now what.... What the heck??? I imagined so much more for my life by now. I don't know what God has planned, He has been rather tight lipped about it too, so I wait... Always waiting. Patience is NOT my best attribute... At all.

I definitely feel like that Jon McLaughlin song. :-/ C'mon... Who wants to tell me "this too shall pass" - highly advise against it. Just acquiesce in silence, that'd be ideal. Hope you're well, sorry for such a somber entry. Better next time. Promise :)

Vegas in october?!?!

Waiting for the brother in law smart mouth special any minute... Ha!

Life of the Unemployed

Well, I have been unemployed now for 4 weeks. That is the longest I haven’t worked since I was 16, minus my freshman year of college! Now I am an old woman! Almost 25, people!!!

Roll your eyes, I know you want to…

Anyways, life’s been really busy, actually (would you expect anything less from me?) and the last 4 weeks have FLOWN by. My most favorite thing about being off has been meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. It’s amazing what you can learn from your family, friends, and other people in your life. I haven’t written anything in months I feel like and that makes me sad.

So what was I thinking when I quit my job, you might ask? I have no idea but I know that it was the right decision. My heart has never been surer of something. And now…dun dun dun… its creeping back into the unsure area.

“What now?” you might ask next. In fact, many of you have asked…and my answer is “I have no idea!” Here are the options that I have considered:

-          Finding a job here in SA – in industry

-          Finding a job here in SA – in public accounting

-          Taking one of two possible opportunities in D

-          Going BACK to school (holy!) for my PhD in organizational development…because what else would I get?

-          Starting my own business….uhhhh that’s kind of a stretch

-          Becoming a hippy

-          Becoming a gypsy and just traveling around in Lexi until the repo man comes haha

That’s about all I’ve come up with.

So for the more interesting part of all this -the art (really a struggle) of waiting on the Lord. I have never actually done that… I don’t think…wait… nope… definitely not. I’ve always done what I want. I’ve always just consumed myself in LIFE STUFF and never just sat and asked… ”Lord, what’s the deal? What’s the plan, man? What the heck am I doing with my life?” Maybe I’ve asked the last one before but never sat long enough to figure out the answer.

And so, for those of you so eager to know what I’m doing with my life, I wish I could tell you. I haven’t quite gotten the “go ahead” on anything. However, I’ve done my due diligence in applying for more than a dozen jobs in SA, seeking out information on graduate/doctoral programs, and meeting with people in D. All that’s really left to do is wait for clarity. Waiting is really, REALLY hard. Haha I used to think that living in the Victorian or Renaissance era would be cool (because of the awesome clothes) until someone pointed out the fact that I am a huge proponent of instant gratification and back then nothing was instant. So, yes, waiting is a challenge. But it’s been good (I think???). I’ve grown a lot actually. Been weeding out negative/bad things, working through personal things, and taking time to sit back and smell the roses (or the coffee, since half my time is spent at Starbucks, my “office” if you will).

 I know that God’s plan is the only plan I should have my eyes on. Deciphering between what is God’s will, what are my personal wants, and what is Satan’s way of confusing the heck out of me is the biggest obstacle.

So for now, I am going to enjoy my time off, visit friends, try to do a bit of traveling, plan my Hawaii vacation, get in shape mentally, physically, and emotionally, pray for direction and clarity, and hope that it all works out before the money runs out! (Prayers greatly appreciated!)

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Happy Birthday to my BFF!

Two years ago today, the good Lord blessed our entire family with the most beautiful thing to ever walk the earth. My niece - Z. I remember leaving the night time Easter service Saturday night, April 3^rd 2010 and getting a text from my brother in law that they were on the way to the hospital. I was told to hang tight until they admitted my sister into the hospital. I didn’t sleep a wink. Got in the car at 5am, hauled butt to San Antonio from Dallas, and made it within 45 minutes of her birth. It was love at first sight – and a huge stream of tears. 

On my way to work this morning a song by Nichole Nordeman & Amy Grant came on and it made me cry! It’s called “I’m With You” and it’s perfect. In December of 2010, before she was even a year old, I knew that my niece would fill a huge void that no one ever would. This describes a bit of what was going on in my heart at the time:

“Love is a hurricane in a blue sky
I didn’t see it coming, never knew why
All the laughter and the dreams
All the memories in between
Washed away in a steady stream

Love is a hunger; a famine in your soul
I thought I planted beauty, but it would never grow.
Now I’m on my hands and knees
trying to gather up my dreams
trying to hold on to anything”

But then when the dust settled and my prayers for filling a void were answered – all I saw was Z. And now I feel like this:

“You do your best to build a higher wall
To keep love safe from any wrecking ball
When the dust has cleared, we will
See the house that love rebuilds
Guarding beauty that lives here still

It’s you and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you

Who can say I’m left with nothing
When I have all of you, all of you, yeah
In the way you’ve always loved me
I remember. He does too”

Even though she is only 2 and probably just thinks of me as her awesome T Jess - I will never let Z go a day without knowing she is loved and that God will always be her rock – preschool, kinder, middle, even worse high school, college, down the aisle, and beyond – until the day I die. 

She is so intelligent, can carry a full conversation with you, she is witty, funny, charming, a little woman, beautiful inside and out, has big brown eyes yearning to know all about everything, an amazing imagination, a servants heart, and a particular kindness that you don’t see very often. And she is only 2! This kid is incredible. I am so proud to be her Aunt. 

Happy birthday, little woman!

Music

Too bad I'm not musically inclined because music speaks so incredibly loud to me! 

I just downloaded some songs my BFF in high school and I used to listen to, really loud, driving too fast down the highway. But they brought back so many memories, good and bad. 

I always associate songs with certain time periods or people or situations. Do you do this?  I am really moved by music. 

Hmm that's all :) 

Trip update and random thoughts.

These things never go the way I anticipate!


Once again, blogging on a plane.....kind of... On and off... In a car, plane, on a couch, etc.

Trying to download angry birds for the 2 year old to play while flying! Kids today haha just kidding I think it's cool she knows how to operate an iPad and iPhone. There are actually some cool apps for kids!

We got delayed once. Suck. However, I would rather get delayed than fly into the tornados and hail that ended up occurring right outside Detroit.

So three things so far....1. My new baby cousin is super cute! 2 days old when we saw him! 2. Old stories are fun! 3. Uh....super annoyed by social media and the fact that people use it to promote something awesome and worthwhile then screw it up by getting thrown in jail.

I feel even more dumb because I promoted the KONY 2012 video. I don't doubt  the organization is legit or beneficial. I just should have educated myself before following the trend. My eyes were opened when a few articles surfaced about invisible children and their leadership. That's all I'm going to say.

Well trip is off to a good start. Seen a lot of people. Heard a lot of good stories. Glad I came even though I was stressed about work.

I think it's awesome that the friends my dad had growing up, he is still able to pick up where he left off with. The stories are awesome, wholesome or not, haha and it just gets me thinking.... Why don't I live my life in a way that it will be a lesson to others? I know some things will be, or I hope because I didn't go through it all for nothing!  But good and bad experiences, everything happens for a reason. I know my dad lived his life for a reason and one day realized the hope he had for his kids. I don't have kids but I am realizing that I have the same hope. A hope for a fuller life, for more opportunities, for more experiences....etc, for others, and, still, even myself.

I want to live a story. Something I can write about-not blog! I want to see the world and not let money or responsibility deter every fun experience I could potentially have... Except sky diving and bungee jumping, no thanks! I want to be the one telling the stories one day!

I pray about that a lot. Purpose. I want to know I've impacted someone's life. Not for selfish reasons.  I don't need to be famous or "special" in anyone's book.  Not having kids, its hard to imagine whose life i will impact, but I have hope.

This brings me to my next point... Is being hopeful a fault? I have so much hope in so many things that I sometimes think it's to my detriment.

But I always remember there is hope in my heart for a reason .... Thus, why I continue to hope!....

Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans for a hope and a future' "

He DECLARED it.... So it must be for real!

Recipes, Rants, and Raves

I think that is the title of a friend’s blog – or maybe her “tag line” – so technical. Sorry if it is!

So first up – recipes. My mom has asked for two recipes and I just do not know what to tell her…because, well, quite frankly I do what I want. As is my motto most of the time. I know it shouldn’t be, but anyways… here are two “recipes” for you:

Crockpot tortilla soup

Throw in a crockpot on low for 8 hours or high for 4 hours:

The following cans of things:

-          Tomato sauce

-          Crushed tomatoes - 2

-          Diced tomatoes with green chilis

-          Enchilada sauce – 2

-          Corn - 2

Chop and/or sprinkle the following

-          Onion

-          Garlic

-          Taco seasoning – 1 packet

-          Red pepper flakes – uh make sure the container has the thing with the holes in it or you will be fishing out red pepper flakes like I was!!! Then adding milk, vinegar, and baking soda to calm down the HEAT!!!

-          Chili powder

-          Cumin

Throw in some frozen boneless, skinless, chicken breasts and a little bit of chicken broth and let it cook! (Shred the chicken with a fork when it’s done) so tasty and feeds a million people! (Not a million)

Next on the recipe list – stuffed bell peppers

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

Half a can of corn

Small onion chopped

Garlic – generous amount

Colby Jack or Chedder cheese – same as above

Little bit of water

I would guess I added the following…

2 teaspoons each of chili powder, paprika, and cumin

A shake of red pepper flakes (or less)

2 bell peppers for stuffing (I used green, but would use red next time)

Sauté onion and garlic in medium saucepan

Meanwhile add beans, corn, water, spices, flakes, and a few pinches of cheese

Add all that to the onion and garlic

Let simmer for 15 minutes

While that simmers put the bell peppers (after you cut them and cleaned out the insides) in the oven to cook at 400 degrees. I left mine in about 10 mins so they could have been in there for 15 minutes

Remove bell peppers and add the mixture to the insides, top with cheese and broil for 2-3 mins

All done.

Rant time….

I have nothing to rant about. Except I hate how clumsy I am. No need to call myself out – but the less accidents, the better…. As long as I’m not wrecking my car, we are good. Oh and this whole getting sick when eating certain things. Better not be gallstones or my grandma and mom will be saying “told you so”.

Oh – and people who are ignorant. Someone tried to say the Kony 2012 thing was a hoax. Get real. No one is asking for your money. Getting the word out is more than enough. I think its funny this person posts pictures of TOMS they have purchased. Those things AIN’T cheap. I love my TOMS and my niece will love her two pair too! We all choose to tithe and give back in different ways, to different organizations, and different ministries. So that brings me to my next point….

Rave time…

Kony 2012 – make the invisible, visible.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc&feature=youtube_gdata_player

EAT GOOD FOOD, SPREAD THE GOOD WORD

Such a baby!

My mom sends me stuff relatively often that leaves me rather choked up. I am such a baby. But it's good stuff, nonetheless! This is from a Proverbs 31 devotional she sent me this morning...

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)
 
Well, darn it all! I don't deserve a reward...at all! I believe in Him and have faith in Him but I'm not the most earnest seeker. And then, to top it all off, I fall more than short of the faith line. I was upset because there are things I want to let go of, that I've desperately TRIED to let go of, that I would much rather not ever worry about...but I know that I haven't given over full control of the situation.

It's those situations where if "x" would happen I would be happier, or if "y" were  a for sure thing then things would be awesome, etc. I am so afraid that He will keep telling me "no", over and over and over. I don't even think I'm afraid of being told "no" as much as I am afraid of having to accept it, get over it, be okay with it never happening. Here is a snippet of the devotional (full link is at the bottom):

"We can envision ourself with this thing, this person, this opportunity. And all things are better. So, why doesn’t God give us this longing of our heart?

Because He wants us to willingly release it to Him.

Ouch.

Not the answer we want. Why would God let the aching desire linger and not make things happen? He could. He’s certainly able. But when He doesn’t it seems unfair. Not good. Confusing.

It’s easy to get down when we’re constantly let down."

That scares the living day lights out of me!!! That's why I was acting a fool and tearing up earlier. It's most definitely NOT what I wanted to hear. I'm big on that, wanting to hear certain things, and that's never a good idea.

The lady writing the devotional is trying to sell me on the idea that if I were to just "let go and let God" that I would be rewarded. But I just CANNOT imagine letting go of some of my biggest hopes and dreams - especially when there are so many in my life who keep trying to encourage me ( and some who reprimand me and incessantly point out my mistakes). I want to believe that I have DESIRES in my heart for a REASON. I want to believe my friends and family when they say "your time will come".

All I can do is pray for God to change my heart's unmet longings. I don't think I will ever be okay with accepting "no" as the final answer unless my heart can rest easy with peace and understanding. Call me stubborn...

Dear Lord, I sacrifice chasing this so I might more fully and with more focus chase You. I release this grip of desire. I praise You for who You are, what only You can bring, and how You will fill whatever gap this release might leave. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Her words, not mine...but important prayer to be said.

The link to the devotional, as promised!

My nails are wet!

Tonight I cleaned up/picked up in order for someone to come actually clean my house tomorrow - makes no sense but when I get home and it smells good and everything is put away, I will be happy!

To avoid the few remaining piles of things to be put away, I decided to paint my nails after taking the puppies out one last time. Now I can't do anything. If I start a movie, I won't fall asleep because I will want to finish it. I can't continue to pick things up and put them away or I will mess up my nails. I could read I suppose. Never thought about that!

Tonight I had some realizations. I have been struggling with something pretty huge and I think I about narrowed down the potential causes. Have you ever heard the phrase "permission to heal"? I heard it tonight. I spoke to someone about my recent relational mishaps and determined that I have never given myself permission to heal - whether it be from the one huge disaster in my life back in 2010, or all the little "oops"'s along the way. It's like spraining your ankle....

You sprain your ankle; it starts to feel better so you go back out to cheer or play or whatever it is you want to do, and then you sprain it again (easier this time) because it never fully healed the first time. It's a terrible thing, sitting on the sidelines. But, if you never let your ankle heal by taking it easy and sitting out a game or two, you will never reach your full potential. Then you start wondering "why" and thinking "I'm not good enough" and all sorts of bad and pessimistic things.

But when we start questioning ourselves, what does that say about the sovereignty of God? We have to, I definitely have to, remember that He is in control, He has an amazing plan in store, and only He knows how the puzzle fits together. When we try and take things into our own hands, we miss out on His will. He can dodge any curveball we throw His way; straying off the path doesn't phase Him. We have to trust that He will take care and provide for us in His timing.

We shouldn't seek a quick fix for our problems. We shouldn't become so self protective that we become self destructive. We should give ourselves permission to heal.

Well, darn it. This only took like 7 minutes to write. I really don't want to repaint my nails! I guess I will read my "Extraordinary Women of the Bible" book :) an excellent recommendation by my good friend AB in CC!

Have an awesome, blessed week. If you're hurting - let yourself heal. Don't go spraining your ankle over and over again yall! God wants you at your best so let Him take care of you.

The 4 P's

Prayer, patience, peace and pessimism

I love my family and friends. Always there when you need them most. Never judging. Always listening. Supporting. Toughening me up (brother-in-law). Telling me things like, “the next person you date you better tell them to ‘take a seat, because we got some SH** to talk about’” haha. I love these people.

This weekend was interesting, to say the least. However, aside from all the not so great and “ah CRAP!” moments there are a few good things that came about…. I am going to Hawaii (hopefully), have leftovers for lunch and dinner for a while, have some cupcakes to enjoy, and have my outlook for life set on optimistic.

Prayer, patience, peace and pessimism – all things I really suck at. But this sums it up:

So basically God wants us to be patient, pray, and He will provide the peace. Maybe the pessimism part doesn’t necessarily apply but – I’ll get there.

Prayer – I don’t want to do it. I don’t have “time”. My way of prayer is, “ah CRAP! I messed up again. Teach me another lesson, God.” Or “ah CRAP! Lord, can you bail me out once more???” or “ah CRAP! Another door shut – where’s the next one?” It’s always been an area of disappointment to me. I never feel like my prayers are heard or understood or effective. I never know what to say or ask for and I sure as heck don’t know how to come up with all the flowery lingo that others can. However, I am finding out that with each “ah CRAP!” moment, prayer before action is so incredibly important. The hard part is, when it involves someone else, God’s voice might become muffled or mistaken. Or, I might have heard perfectly clear but got thrown off track by someone else’s accord. Either way – prayer is important. Being thankful for all the moments outside the “ah CRAP!” moments are also muy importante.

Patience – another thing most of us suck at. Patience for others, for ourselves, for our pets – a lot of the time patience is nonexistent. We are an instant gratification type people. But I want to be better. I pray for patience. Does that count? I’m not so sure it works. I try. I try not to yell at my dogs or stress about being on time or making sure plans go through – by having patience with the puppies and the people in the world. It’s a character flaw maybe but at least I can admit it! Patience is really hard – even when dealing with those I love most. It comes with the type A personality thing. Lucky me! I’m doomed but I choose to see the bright side. At least having an abundance of patience is something I can work at and not just settle for having less of.

Peace – being at ease. I think this goes hand in hand with patience. Knowing that no matter what happens I am going to be provided for, that’s peace – and a dollop of optimism. To me, peace is knowing that after making a prayerful decision, that it’s the right one. Having confidence in hearing the word of God clearly. There have been 1 million or more times I’ve made a decision where I didn’t have peace about the outcome…and did it anyway – some were decisions made on a whim, some were decisions I didn’t pray about, some were decisions I made simply because it was what I wanted to do - like living with someone for a time (look how that ended!), like moving to Dallas (look how that ended!), like starting arguments with people for the sake of arguing, or something relatively insignificant like not wearing my seatbelt or texting and driving.

Prayerful decision making = peace

What a concept!!!

What a sigh of relief!

Prayerful decision making = peace

If only there was an “all other things being equal” type economic formulae to go with it…but there’s not. So it can become a bit convoluted. Again with the type A personality thing…darn it! We can’t keep things simple, unfortunately.

And now this remains – pessimism. When asking google to define the term, google returns the following: “Pessimism – a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future.” I said earlier that I suck at prayer, patience, peace and pessimism. Being slightly on the side of hypochondriac does not warrant the label, “pessimist”. I don’t have a choice but to be optimistic. I don’t think you should give yourself a choice. If I constantly thought the world was all doom and gloom and ALL my mistakes were sending me straight to 1. Hell, 2. The poor house, and 3. Jail – I would be a miserable little person. Pessimism gets into your pores and turns you cold. My good friend CW made an awesome point tonight, “if you think you can’t or think you can, you’re right.” Meaning, if you’re constantly EXPECTING the worst thing to happen – it’s going to. However, if you expect the best – you will generally receive better results. The choice is yours – (I think someone said this after morning announcements all throughout grade school!)

I don’t really know what my point is except maybe this – make prayerful decisions by waiting patiently for an answer, be optimistic about the potential results, and God will give you peace in your heart like you’ve never known before.

Slippery Soapbox - sorry....

Have you ever met someone that seemed so amazing in the beginning but soon became someone you weren’t 100% sure of? Did your first impression of them instantly place them above all other things?

Why do people do that? Why do we give off an image of ourselves that is so incredibly false that we wind up paying for it later? Someone always gets hurt in these situations. Would you not agree that it’s best to be yourself up front?

I’m not just talking about in dating relationships – even simply friendships. What a great feeling to know that you can go to your friend or boyfriend or girlfriend without any make up on, or with tears streaming down your face, or dressed in a completely absurd way, or smelling like you rolled in pig poo – and they wouldn’t care one bit? I saw a “pin” on pinterest that read…

How gross. We are a materialistic society – trust me, I GET THAT and am not one to speak – but how misrepresented can we be? We portray ourselves as people we really aren’t and for what??? FOR WHAT REASON?!?! So certain people will love us? Accept us? Look – I like nice things. So sue me. I buy them for myself. I buy them because they are a representation of my hard work – for me. I don’t do it to prove anything. And I’ve been judged so many times for what I have that it’s dumb. So this goes both ways people.

It’s ok to want nice things. And it’s ok to want nothing! But is it ok to go out and portray yourself as someone you aren’t?

I guarantee you, God loves you more than anyone on this earth ever will. And you know what - I have to remind myself of that DAILY. Am I ashamed? No. Do my family and friends love me? Yes. Even people I’ve hurt love me. I can mess up over and over and over again but to most it’s just a “Jess” thing.

There are people who wear their heart on their sleeve, people who keep everything inside, people who only talk to their dearest friends because they’ve been hurt so many times, and people who tell everyone everything because they just don’t give a rip. There are people who say they are introverts but are extroverts, who say they are servants but who demand to be served, who say they are flexible and easy going but don’t know what compromise means, who say they are Christians but don’t walk the walk or even try, who say they want to spend time with you but make no time, who want a relationship to work but don’t want to put in the time. How about some balance? Or at least some dang consistency.

I’ve told people – a lot of people – everything. And I’ve told most nothing. God is my biggest confidante. He knows things before they even freaking happen so, there is no escaping Him. We all sin, we all hurt, we all long for more, we all need companionship and most of all we all need love.

I have written about LOVE SO MUCH that it’s starting to make me ill. Unconditional love. It’s really not that hard of a concept to understand, people.

What the heck is everyone so afraid of??? If someone doesn’t like you, who cares?! God does. If someone doesn’t like the way you dress, who cares?!? As long as you’re clothed in the armor of Christ and adorn yourself in modesty and grace, it doesn’t matter if Joe Blow or Suzie Q approve!

What’s the other saying? Something along the lines of “Be yourself because everyone else is taken” – so true!

And another….

And another….

Above all else, please remember this – you were made in the likeness of God. So live like He would live. Walk as Jesus walked. It’s ok to pray to be a certain way or ask for a certain character trait. Shoot, all through college I asked for wisdom and understanding and not for life issues – for accounting problems! I have to ask for patience on a DAILY basis because, believe it or not, I can be rather uptight about things. Look here….

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  Psalm 139:14-16