Loneliness isn't just for those who are alone

Loneliness is not just a word that describes those who are alone in the world.

You could be surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people and still feel lonely. You could be single, without children, away from family and not feel the tiniest bit lonely. Loneliness for an introvert is the opposite of loneliness for an extrovert. Loneliness may be a feeling of longing or the act of removal. It can effect those who have a ton of friends or none at all and visa versa. Loneliness is different for different people.

No matter what it looks like or feels like, loneliness is not something many WANT to be or feel. It is also not something that most people ask for. Why in the heck would you? Loneliness can creep up from scary, dark places. It is on the Devil's side. It can bite you in the behind before you even know it. It can have an adverse effect on your relationships and your livelihood. It can beat you down to a pulp. It can whither you away to dust. Loneliness downright sucks... and it can suck the life right out of you.

If I could develop a product and write an infomercial for a cure to loneliness it would be called, "Community".

"Community" would be described as: a one in a million, tailor made per individual, solution that includes the communication and interaction of one to an infinite number of humans at any given time of day for any given amount of time to help aid in the following:
- Increasing the desire to do life
- Developing higher quality relationships (not increased quantity)
- Practicing accountability
- Learning how to be a better partner
- Understanding what it means to be a good friend
- Bringing you closer to the Lord

Ultimately eliminating loneliness for good!

Side effects would most certainly include - laughing, crying, eating, talking, listening, sharing, enjoying, living, consoling, confiding, benefiting, texting, joking, growing, and so many other wonderful feels that simply are not compatible with loneliness.

Oh wait... community does exist. The hard part is creating it. Take a leap of faith and create community in the new year. Don't fall for the #NewYearNewYou BS.... Face the new year and become a more fabulous version of you along with those you want to form community with. Go to dinner, share in a sport, host people at your house, join a small group or create your own, call or text someone, REACH OUT! I guarantee you, the first person you think of is crying out for community, too.

You won't fail, I promise. God is on your side! Here is to 2016.

Can't Stop, Won't Stop...

Well, I did it. I started my own business. It is an online women's boutique! I've only shared this dream of mine with a select few people and it's finally becoming a reality!

I did all the right things before starting... I had the idea, the passion, I sent prayers and consulted with my husband. I had the most realistic dream about it, read a book and some articles....then it hit me like a ton of bricks, pushing me right over the cliff... and so began LucyGrant.

I'm working on the website...I've purchased inventory... I've researched and advertised and set up all sorts of accounts... I've taken pictures and posted and reposted... But, I haven't made it big yet... YET!

Starting a business is truly a test of many things.

My patience has been tested
My self confidence has been tested
My faith has been tested
My abilities have been tested

But...

I know in my heart this is what I want to do. I know that through this new adventure, and trusting God, that I'll be able to glorify Him and His goodness.

Now for something you might not know...

I want to utilize my new business to inspire women. I want to empower them. I want to spread beauty and love. I want to help build up, restore and encourage. Self image, self worth, self confidence are all MAJORLY important to me. My hope is that, through LucyGrant, I will be able to reach the hearts of many and help them to know their worth in His name via encouraging messages, a new blog, and maybe the sale of a few pieces of clothing... in His name and not in vain.

The Struggle is Real

I don't know about you but I am the kind of person that needs to constantly keep moving forward - in all things: work, relationships, goals, life in general... but this poses a problem when the one thing I truly desire more than anything is relationships with people.

"Why is that a problem?" you may ask.

Mainly because, and this may come a shock to some as it has to me, but not everyone craves relationship. Come to find out, many are OKAY with moving on from whatever relationship they had with you. Whether is be an ex-boyfriend and the horrible break up that was had, or leaving a job and the coworkers you cared about, losing a friend for one reason or another, or realizing that people are comfortable with their current group of "people" and aren't interested in expanding... it sucks no matter what the circumstance. Maintaining, mending, and fostering relationships is hard work.

I also know there are two sides to every story. Maybe someone did try and then they gave up. That makes my little heart sad. I've had to give up before and giving up is not something I deal well with, even if it is inevitable. Maybe it's a "closure" issue... but it's a nagging feeling and it's very hard for me to accept that something has come to an end.

With the holidays upon us, take the time to reach out to someone, make an effort to make amends, offer support, lend an ear, or simply take the time to say "hello". This can be a very lonely time of year for many people.

Update: currently realizing that 1. I may have been nixed from a book club I was part of and 2. Even reaching out to an old friend re: a topic you used to find great joy in sharing, may not prove to be fruitful. Really praying for understanding... These circumstances, while they may seem small to some, are very hard for me. But this is real life, and even though I know some parts of the "why," I may never fully understand....

Merry Christmas!

Over it.

I've read one too many articles about stay at home moms (SAHMs) versus working outside the home moms. 

It truly is ridiculous some of the things that are thrown around as truth. 

Here's some truth for you... We all work hard, we all are doing the best we can in our situation, we are all making sacrifices every day! 

Do you think you deserve to be held up on a pedestal because you're a mom?? Is that what you thought you signed up for when you got pregnant? Do you feel entitled? 

News flash!!! No one gets a gold star or medal. Your sacrifices are part of the territory- whether you stay home or work outside the home. I learned that real quick. You sacrifice so much for your little(s) and husband... Your family. 

Think of the proverbs 31 woman- look how much she did for her household! She had a servants heart, contributed to her household (whether she had a job or stayed home) in so many ways, was her husband's biggest fan and support system, she was logical and methodical and was the foundation of her household. 

Did you think it was going to be a cake walk? Do you think God gave you more than you deserve? Wrong! You're in the exact place He wants you. 

Being a mom is hard work. Period. End of story. You don't get to breeze by "Go" or collect $200 just because. This isn't monopoly and you probably don't live on Park Place Ave. 

Get with the program... Dig down deep into that servants heart of yours... Pray for clarity and understanding in your situation and know that where you are, is exactly where God wants you. You're not better than anyone else in any situation. You do you, and no one else. 

You're a rockstar momma!! 

We have a 1 year old... Holy!

Time sped up the moment our little was born.

I have no idea how 12 months flew by, but they did.

Some days I didn't know if I would make it through the first year, and other times I felt on top of the world.

My husband and I were challenged in ways we never thought possible - how much we could love another person besides one another, how many times we would say "no", the ways we would deal with each other, and how we chose to parent.

It is important to remember the good and the not so good... here is what I want to remember.

• How alert he was as a newborn
• His "O" face
• The way his head was shaped by the vacuum 
• How beautiful his eyes are 
• The way his hair grew in, like a toupee
• His dancing and wiggling when music comes on
• His first steps in his 10th month
• The way he throws himself, arms wide open, at people
• When he shakes his head after being told "no-no"
• The time he climbed up on the fireplace
• How contently he will sit and listen to a story 
• The moments we share while nursing 
• His blow out diapers and some of the craziness associated 
• Bath time and his love for splashing water everywhere
• The way he says "mom" and "dada"
• How he points at stuff and says "dat" 
• His infectious laugh
• How he throws balls then waves his arm
• When he says "ah da" for "all done" and waves his hands
• How surprisingly easy it was to sleep train him 
• When he got his first two teeth at 3 months old 
• How excited he gets when he is on his little trampoline 

And I'm sure there is so much more. 

The one thing I want to remember, above all else, is the amazing feeling of unconditional love and being able to see it and be reminded of it on a daily basis 

Let them Grow

I love to see our friends babies growing up via pictures on facebook. Pregnancy and growing humans is a fascinating thing.  We should all know by now that facebook isn't exactly our best friend and that sometimes it can be our own worst enemy. I say this because, as much as I love to see all the baby posts, it makes me truly sad when parents boast about their child's abilities when it's far beyond what a child of that age should be expected... Here are some examples:

- babies walking when their bodies aren't ready to walk
- babies eating foods their tiny bodies can't process
- babies being overweight and thinking it's okay

It is scientifically proven that babies of certain ages can't handle the weight of their body. It's also scientifically proven that their body can't handle certain food. Their tummy is tiny! And yes, we all love a chubby baby, but boasting about how chubby your child is probably isn't teaching them good eating habits for later in life... Give them a chance to be little. They can't tell you that they can't handle certain foods or their development may be impacted by your encouragement for them to be grown.

I don't know if it's because social media has everyone subconsciously competing, but why would you want to encourage certain behavior so early that will lead to bad habits later? You're the adult. You're the example.

Let them crawl and discover.  Let them learn how to pull up. Don't give up if you're able to breast feed. Let them take a bottle filled with primary and essential nutrients (not necessarily breast milk) longer than 6 months. Let them eat pureed food when they are ready. Let them learn how to digest and how to ask for more or less. Let them be little. Let them grow.

Be encouraging, but be mindful of the facts.

If they are a natural walker - great!

If they naturally have a large appetite - awesome!

But please think before you encourage - let them develop and evolve. Let them grow. When you do, you're teaching them so much more!

Becoming child-like

I've noticed something lately. I've begun to understand, more and more, what it means to have child-like love and faith. My son teaches me so much at 10 months old!

I fear that as we get older, we will revert back to old ways and over time will not be the best example for him. So...

Here are a few examples that I've been meaning to document as a reminder for myself during those times when I find myself behaving less than Christ-like:

- the way my son beams with an ear to ear smile when one of us walks in the room ... We should do the same. It's inviting and makes you feel so important. On the home-front, the first 30 seconds after getting home from work dictates the way the rest of the evening may go! 

- his need for affection ... Get those endorphins up! 

- his adventurous spirit ... Sure he may not be able to fly so crawling off the couch isn't ideal but, his inhibition and high level of trust is second to none. He is learning to protect himself during the process of discovery.

- his lack of stranger danger ... It's so awesome the way he opens up to people and makes himself completely vulnerable while also being aware of where mom and dad are ... Relationships are so important to him already!!   His trust and faith in people is astounding.

Choose Joy

So lately on life with a baby… people ask “what’s new?” and all I can say is, “everything and nothing at the same time”.

 

It is the weirdest thing… post-partum… For those who haven’t experienced this or haven’t quite recognized what it is they are experiencing, it’s the most BS thing ever.

 

Our life is beautiful. Our little tea cup life is overflowing, daily. We want for nothing. But there are those moments. Those moments the devil creeps in and takes over. Where, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, my world seems to be in pieces. When the sun is covered by the moon and life is just plain dark. When the laughter stops and tears flow. Where fear, anxiety, and depression wiggle their way deep into my marrow. And the worst part of all, is there isn’t a reason for any of it. 

 

There is always tomorrow. Right? On “those days” (the bad ones) I cling tightly to the hope of a tomorrow, of a do-over. Tomorrow isn’t always quite as bright as a few days before but it isn’t quite as dark as it could be. But some days, and some weeks are as bright as I’ve ever seen! 

 

I coined the phrase, “everything and nothing” when a friend asked what had been going on with me lately. That’s how “this” feels and even though it sounds negative… it’s almost encouraging to me. I see it like this, there could be so much of the bad going on (everything) but yet none of it is real and none of it should steal my joy (nothing) because right now, or at any given moment, I am all things positive and good.

 

On days when a little black rain cloud wants to follow me around… I will choose to see the sun, to feel joy, to find my happy.

 

The best part, is it doesn’t have to be hard…there is good all around me!

 

Anxiety ridden

I've been struggling with anxiety the past few months. Ok more like 9 months. I think I've always been somewhat of an anxious person but I've recently discovered how fearful I am, too. 

I'm so scared of so many things that it's inhibiting me from enjoying the blessed life I lead. 

I'm scared of failing. 

I'm afraid of the unknown. 

I'm fearful of taking chances. 

I'm reluctant to change. 

And it's effecting my livelihood and my relationships. 

I'm 27. I am blessed in so many ways. That I am sure of. But, I just want to remain in this same state. I want to remain 27. The weird thing is that I used to thrive on change. 

Fear is an insecurity like I've never known. Being unsure of things you used to be so confident in, is a terrible feeling. And it's something that can make you feel so lonely. 

For one post in my life, I'm leaving it at this. I'm not going to self help my way through this. This is something I need to work through. Not get over. 

And maybe someone can relate and feel comforted by this post without feeling like they need to fix themselves. I would love to help but I'm still working on me. 

So for now. That is all. 

I'll cry if I want to...

Finally, it's acceptable to be a baby about things!!!!!!

Check this out... "Big Girls Do Cry"

I'm so glad someone wrote about this and I really hope everyone takes note. You have to admit, after a good cry, you tend to feel better. There is no point in trying to "keep it all in" or "hold it all together" - you'll only feel worse and it may cause you to get sick (it may even cause your appendix to rupture, as in my case!!!).

I never cried. Then, about 4 years ago, I hit rock bottom in my life, my appendix DID rupture and I have been a "crier" ever since! It really has helped me deal and process all the crap that happens and the shhhtuff that tends to build up. It's just like anything that requires routine maintenance. Being a crier doesn't mean you're weak or a push over.

I attribute the act of crying to the following positive traits I'm happy to have developed:
- I'm a better friend and have more authentic, real relationships with people
- I may cry more but I deal better when life throws curve balls
- I feel more alive because I allow myself to FEEL more
- I am more sensitive to those around me and less self-centered
- I am healthier, I have a better self-image, and an increased self-worth
- I feel that I'm a relatively accomplished and successful twenty-something

Yea, I still have a ways to go as faring being the best me possible. However, I think becoming a cry baby truly did play a significant role in getting me from where I was to where I am now.

So, grab a tissue (and maybe a bottle of wine) and let it out!

Your daily dose of unsolicited advice

Since I know mommas-to-be just love hearing a new mom's opinions on being a new mom... I'm sharing all the things I found invaluable, wish I had known, and have learned in baby G's first five months of life. And you're going to love it. Hence the sarcasm?

- you have never been a mom and they have never been a baby, so you really can't screw it up - amen to that! 

- forget sleeping when the baby sleeps. Sleep when your spouse or someone else can watch the babe

- your kid will not hate you or be psychologically damaged if you do the cry it out method of sleep training

- sleep train. It's a sanity saver. 

- the crying stops eventually. What may seem like an hour will probably only be 5-10 minutes

- ask a trusted source anything and everything. Read less 

- only book recommendation- On Becoming Babywise 

- everything, good and bad, is amplified after baby comes 

- hormones. You still have the crazy ones for a while 

- your hair may fall out. You won't go bald. 

- breastfeeding may hurt at first. Keep at it. It stopped hurting after about a month. You may just have a ravenous eater (like me). Don't give up

- pump as much as possible to build up your supply. Even ten minutes after feeding baby to trick your body into making more!! 

- take fenugreek 

- it's ok to be a milk nazi 

- you're still a good mom if you formula feed

- you're still a good mom if you work and put your kid in day care 

- if you find a good day care, they will love your little like you do (promise!) 

- the witching hour. It's a real thing. It sucks. But it's manageable and doesn't last forever 

- your relationship with and appreciation for your spouse will intensify 

- nose Frieda. Cool mist humidifier. salene drops. Teething tablets. Gas drops. <<<<necessities. Get duplicates 

- don't stop living your life. The baby will adapt and learn to fit into your family. They have to since they are now part of it!! 

- you're the parent. You teach them everything. Behave yourself. 

- the first month kinda sucks. Well, it's just not all rainbows and butterflies but everyday gets a little better and more fun 

- husbands... Constantly encourage your wife. It's the best thing you can do! 

- 90% of crying, if a baby has already been fed, is because the baby is bored/restless, has a tummy ache, or is tired - you will make it through! 

- on average babies get 8 colds in their first year. It's ok if they get sick. They will build up immunities! 

That's all I got for now. You're welcome for this unsolicited blurb! 

Let Them Be

Recently I've overheard and have been involved in conversations where the subject was children misbehaving. We all do it... There is always a bad kid. We might even have a bad kid (as difficult as it may be to admit). I used to be a bad kid to some degree (hard to believe, I KNOW!). But the baffling part about these conversations is that these kiddos dubbed "bad" really aren't at all.

I know we all have opinions of what constitutes "bad", and you're entitled to that opinion. Let's consider the facts though... 

A little boy getting exited while playing with his momma at a social gathering, away from most everyone - not bad even if his voice gets a little high... He is 3 years old. Deal with it. 

A little girl at Christmas time trying so hard to practice patience while waiting to open gifts - oh yea, and she is all about the magic and spirit of Christmas. Not bad. She is totally entitled to be a kid at Christmas. She is s true example of joy and happiness anyways, so we should be taking note... not reprimanding her. 

A little girl at a restaurant talking a little loudly. Engaging with the waiter and her family - not being "bad". she wasn't running around the restaurant or disturbing other people. She was being a child... a contributor to society in training. Her family hushed her a few times, but they never got upset with her... and they didn't need to.

Of course, there are teachable moments that pop up all the time when it comes to kiddos, but we have to remember that suppressing a child's ability to be themselves is only doing more harm than good. They are still "in training". Our words and actions carry an incredible amount of weight to a child. If you have an outgoing child, let them be outgoing but teach them to be polite about it. If you have a kid who loves to play and use their imagination, encourage them but teach them to play alone at times. Coming down on a child, scoffing at children that aren't yours, thinking a kid is "bad" when really they are expressing themselves - so not cool. All we can do as parents is use the "bad" moments as opportunities. Do your best as a parent and the rest will fall into place... and forget what the rest say.

You can even forget all of this, for all I care :)

My hope is for Grant to feel empowered to explore all of his personality traits, in a Christlike way... even if he gets out of hand from time to time. He is only 3.5 months so we have while :)

Update: the reason I wrote this is not clear. I wrote this because when I hear people talking about seemingly "bad" kiddos it freaks me out that Grant will or is a little terror in their eyes. But that's when I have to remind myself that those kids aren't awful. By any means. 

Please watch what you say around mommas. We are, especially new ones, absolutely freaked out about doing everything right and don't need to hear your opinions of what constitutes a bad kid. Because more often than not, those kids are perfectly fine in being their perfect mini selves.  

The Newbie's

It's already been a month since my last post. I know exactly why it's taken so long...So many times I catch myself wanting to blog about our parenting adventures or about our life but something keeps holding me back. 

TBH- I really feel like there would be a wave of criticism because we aren't seasoned parents. Like we haven't been through it long enough... We don't have any "street cred" and are still "newbies". But in all actuality, intuition is an awesome thing. It still amazes me the things we have accomplished just by relying on each other and a few trusted sources. Our little is thriving and growing and he is happy and active. We are doing something right and so often I want to share in our successes!!  

I guess the real reason I hold back on parenting advice is the same reason I hold back on relationship advice. Like love stories, all babies are different and everyone will have a different experience raising their baby. My only advice for new parents is- You've never been a parent and your child has never been a baby so it will take a combined effort and understanding to make it through each day. 

(PS- no new mom wants to hear "sleep now because you never will again!" Or any of the other typical one liners about becoming a parent)

I've found that offering encouragement is often much better and more helpful than trying to be a know it all or a Debbie downer. Let's face it, I definitely don't know it all. And whenever you feel like a Debbie downer, remind yourself that every day is a new day. Every day is a learning opportunity. Every day I get the chance to watch our son develop and grow and learn. It's pretty exciting times in the W household.

And then comes the daily reminder to myself... To be patient in all things. With my husband when he does something different than I would have. With my son when he isn't behaving the way I want him to. With myself because I can't be perfect and I shouldn't even try to be. It is stressful enough being a new parent, don't exacerbate the reality! Enjoy every moment because you may never get an opportunity quite like it!