Choose Joy

So lately on life with a baby… people ask “what’s new?” and all I can say is, “everything and nothing at the same time”.

 

It is the weirdest thing… post-partum… For those who haven’t experienced this or haven’t quite recognized what it is they are experiencing, it’s the most BS thing ever.

 

Our life is beautiful. Our little tea cup life is overflowing, daily. We want for nothing. But there are those moments. Those moments the devil creeps in and takes over. Where, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, my world seems to be in pieces. When the sun is covered by the moon and life is just plain dark. When the laughter stops and tears flow. Where fear, anxiety, and depression wiggle their way deep into my marrow. And the worst part of all, is there isn’t a reason for any of it. 

 

There is always tomorrow. Right? On “those days” (the bad ones) I cling tightly to the hope of a tomorrow, of a do-over. Tomorrow isn’t always quite as bright as a few days before but it isn’t quite as dark as it could be. But some days, and some weeks are as bright as I’ve ever seen! 

 

I coined the phrase, “everything and nothing” when a friend asked what had been going on with me lately. That’s how “this” feels and even though it sounds negative… it’s almost encouraging to me. I see it like this, there could be so much of the bad going on (everything) but yet none of it is real and none of it should steal my joy (nothing) because right now, or at any given moment, I am all things positive and good.

 

On days when a little black rain cloud wants to follow me around… I will choose to see the sun, to feel joy, to find my happy.

 

The best part, is it doesn’t have to be hard…there is good all around me!

 

Anxiety ridden

I've been struggling with anxiety the past few months. Ok more like 9 months. I think I've always been somewhat of an anxious person but I've recently discovered how fearful I am, too. 

I'm so scared of so many things that it's inhibiting me from enjoying the blessed life I lead. 

I'm scared of failing. 

I'm afraid of the unknown. 

I'm fearful of taking chances. 

I'm reluctant to change. 

And it's effecting my livelihood and my relationships. 

I'm 27. I am blessed in so many ways. That I am sure of. But, I just want to remain in this same state. I want to remain 27. The weird thing is that I used to thrive on change. 

Fear is an insecurity like I've never known. Being unsure of things you used to be so confident in, is a terrible feeling. And it's something that can make you feel so lonely. 

For one post in my life, I'm leaving it at this. I'm not going to self help my way through this. This is something I need to work through. Not get over. 

And maybe someone can relate and feel comforted by this post without feeling like they need to fix themselves. I would love to help but I'm still working on me. 

So for now. That is all. 

I'll cry if I want to...

Finally, it's acceptable to be a baby about things!!!!!!

Check this out... "Big Girls Do Cry"

I'm so glad someone wrote about this and I really hope everyone takes note. You have to admit, after a good cry, you tend to feel better. There is no point in trying to "keep it all in" or "hold it all together" - you'll only feel worse and it may cause you to get sick (it may even cause your appendix to rupture, as in my case!!!).

I never cried. Then, about 4 years ago, I hit rock bottom in my life, my appendix DID rupture and I have been a "crier" ever since! It really has helped me deal and process all the crap that happens and the shhhtuff that tends to build up. It's just like anything that requires routine maintenance. Being a crier doesn't mean you're weak or a push over.

I attribute the act of crying to the following positive traits I'm happy to have developed:
- I'm a better friend and have more authentic, real relationships with people
- I may cry more but I deal better when life throws curve balls
- I feel more alive because I allow myself to FEEL more
- I am more sensitive to those around me and less self-centered
- I am healthier, I have a better self-image, and an increased self-worth
- I feel that I'm a relatively accomplished and successful twenty-something

Yea, I still have a ways to go as faring being the best me possible. However, I think becoming a cry baby truly did play a significant role in getting me from where I was to where I am now.

So, grab a tissue (and maybe a bottle of wine) and let it out!

Your daily dose of unsolicited advice

Since I know mommas-to-be just love hearing a new mom's opinions on being a new mom... I'm sharing all the things I found invaluable, wish I had known, and have learned in baby G's first five months of life. And you're going to love it. Hence the sarcasm?

- you have never been a mom and they have never been a baby, so you really can't screw it up - amen to that! 

- forget sleeping when the baby sleeps. Sleep when your spouse or someone else can watch the babe

- your kid will not hate you or be psychologically damaged if you do the cry it out method of sleep training

- sleep train. It's a sanity saver. 

- the crying stops eventually. What may seem like an hour will probably only be 5-10 minutes

- ask a trusted source anything and everything. Read less 

- only book recommendation- On Becoming Babywise 

- everything, good and bad, is amplified after baby comes 

- hormones. You still have the crazy ones for a while 

- your hair may fall out. You won't go bald. 

- breastfeeding may hurt at first. Keep at it. It stopped hurting after about a month. You may just have a ravenous eater (like me). Don't give up

- pump as much as possible to build up your supply. Even ten minutes after feeding baby to trick your body into making more!! 

- take fenugreek 

- it's ok to be a milk nazi 

- you're still a good mom if you formula feed

- you're still a good mom if you work and put your kid in day care 

- if you find a good day care, they will love your little like you do (promise!) 

- the witching hour. It's a real thing. It sucks. But it's manageable and doesn't last forever 

- your relationship with and appreciation for your spouse will intensify 

- nose Frieda. Cool mist humidifier. salene drops. Teething tablets. Gas drops. <<<<necessities. Get duplicates 

- don't stop living your life. The baby will adapt and learn to fit into your family. They have to since they are now part of it!! 

- you're the parent. You teach them everything. Behave yourself. 

- the first month kinda sucks. Well, it's just not all rainbows and butterflies but everyday gets a little better and more fun 

- husbands... Constantly encourage your wife. It's the best thing you can do! 

- 90% of crying, if a baby has already been fed, is because the baby is bored/restless, has a tummy ache, or is tired - you will make it through! 

- on average babies get 8 colds in their first year. It's ok if they get sick. They will build up immunities! 

That's all I got for now. You're welcome for this unsolicited blurb! 

Let Them Be

Recently I've overheard and have been involved in conversations where the subject was children misbehaving. We all do it... There is always a bad kid. We might even have a bad kid (as difficult as it may be to admit). I used to be a bad kid to some degree (hard to believe, I KNOW!). But the baffling part about these conversations is that these kiddos dubbed "bad" really aren't at all.

I know we all have opinions of what constitutes "bad", and you're entitled to that opinion. Let's consider the facts though... 

A little boy getting exited while playing with his momma at a social gathering, away from most everyone - not bad even if his voice gets a little high... He is 3 years old. Deal with it. 

A little girl at Christmas time trying so hard to practice patience while waiting to open gifts - oh yea, and she is all about the magic and spirit of Christmas. Not bad. She is totally entitled to be a kid at Christmas. She is s true example of joy and happiness anyways, so we should be taking note... not reprimanding her. 

A little girl at a restaurant talking a little loudly. Engaging with the waiter and her family - not being "bad". she wasn't running around the restaurant or disturbing other people. She was being a child... a contributor to society in training. Her family hushed her a few times, but they never got upset with her... and they didn't need to.

Of course, there are teachable moments that pop up all the time when it comes to kiddos, but we have to remember that suppressing a child's ability to be themselves is only doing more harm than good. They are still "in training". Our words and actions carry an incredible amount of weight to a child. If you have an outgoing child, let them be outgoing but teach them to be polite about it. If you have a kid who loves to play and use their imagination, encourage them but teach them to play alone at times. Coming down on a child, scoffing at children that aren't yours, thinking a kid is "bad" when really they are expressing themselves - so not cool. All we can do as parents is use the "bad" moments as opportunities. Do your best as a parent and the rest will fall into place... and forget what the rest say.

You can even forget all of this, for all I care :)

My hope is for Grant to feel empowered to explore all of his personality traits, in a Christlike way... even if he gets out of hand from time to time. He is only 3.5 months so we have while :)

Update: the reason I wrote this is not clear. I wrote this because when I hear people talking about seemingly "bad" kiddos it freaks me out that Grant will or is a little terror in their eyes. But that's when I have to remind myself that those kids aren't awful. By any means. 

Please watch what you say around mommas. We are, especially new ones, absolutely freaked out about doing everything right and don't need to hear your opinions of what constitutes a bad kid. Because more often than not, those kids are perfectly fine in being their perfect mini selves.