My nails are wet!

Tonight I cleaned up/picked up in order for someone to come actually clean my house tomorrow - makes no sense but when I get home and it smells good and everything is put away, I will be happy!

To avoid the few remaining piles of things to be put away, I decided to paint my nails after taking the puppies out one last time. Now I can't do anything. If I start a movie, I won't fall asleep because I will want to finish it. I can't continue to pick things up and put them away or I will mess up my nails. I could read I suppose. Never thought about that!

Tonight I had some realizations. I have been struggling with something pretty huge and I think I about narrowed down the potential causes. Have you ever heard the phrase "permission to heal"? I heard it tonight. I spoke to someone about my recent relational mishaps and determined that I have never given myself permission to heal - whether it be from the one huge disaster in my life back in 2010, or all the little "oops"'s along the way. It's like spraining your ankle....

You sprain your ankle; it starts to feel better so you go back out to cheer or play or whatever it is you want to do, and then you sprain it again (easier this time) because it never fully healed the first time. It's a terrible thing, sitting on the sidelines. But, if you never let your ankle heal by taking it easy and sitting out a game or two, you will never reach your full potential. Then you start wondering "why" and thinking "I'm not good enough" and all sorts of bad and pessimistic things.

But when we start questioning ourselves, what does that say about the sovereignty of God? We have to, I definitely have to, remember that He is in control, He has an amazing plan in store, and only He knows how the puzzle fits together. When we try and take things into our own hands, we miss out on His will. He can dodge any curveball we throw His way; straying off the path doesn't phase Him. We have to trust that He will take care and provide for us in His timing.

We shouldn't seek a quick fix for our problems. We shouldn't become so self protective that we become self destructive. We should give ourselves permission to heal.

Well, darn it. This only took like 7 minutes to write. I really don't want to repaint my nails! I guess I will read my "Extraordinary Women of the Bible" book :) an excellent recommendation by my good friend AB in CC!

Have an awesome, blessed week. If you're hurting - let yourself heal. Don't go spraining your ankle over and over again yall! God wants you at your best so let Him take care of you.

The 4 P's

Prayer, patience, peace and pessimism

I love my family and friends. Always there when you need them most. Never judging. Always listening. Supporting. Toughening me up (brother-in-law). Telling me things like, “the next person you date you better tell them to ‘take a seat, because we got some SH** to talk about’” haha. I love these people.

This weekend was interesting, to say the least. However, aside from all the not so great and “ah CRAP!” moments there are a few good things that came about…. I am going to Hawaii (hopefully), have leftovers for lunch and dinner for a while, have some cupcakes to enjoy, and have my outlook for life set on optimistic.

Prayer, patience, peace and pessimism – all things I really suck at. But this sums it up:

So basically God wants us to be patient, pray, and He will provide the peace. Maybe the pessimism part doesn’t necessarily apply but – I’ll get there.

Prayer – I don’t want to do it. I don’t have “time”. My way of prayer is, “ah CRAP! I messed up again. Teach me another lesson, God.” Or “ah CRAP! Lord, can you bail me out once more???” or “ah CRAP! Another door shut – where’s the next one?” It’s always been an area of disappointment to me. I never feel like my prayers are heard or understood or effective. I never know what to say or ask for and I sure as heck don’t know how to come up with all the flowery lingo that others can. However, I am finding out that with each “ah CRAP!” moment, prayer before action is so incredibly important. The hard part is, when it involves someone else, God’s voice might become muffled or mistaken. Or, I might have heard perfectly clear but got thrown off track by someone else’s accord. Either way – prayer is important. Being thankful for all the moments outside the “ah CRAP!” moments are also muy importante.

Patience – another thing most of us suck at. Patience for others, for ourselves, for our pets – a lot of the time patience is nonexistent. We are an instant gratification type people. But I want to be better. I pray for patience. Does that count? I’m not so sure it works. I try. I try not to yell at my dogs or stress about being on time or making sure plans go through – by having patience with the puppies and the people in the world. It’s a character flaw maybe but at least I can admit it! Patience is really hard – even when dealing with those I love most. It comes with the type A personality thing. Lucky me! I’m doomed but I choose to see the bright side. At least having an abundance of patience is something I can work at and not just settle for having less of.

Peace – being at ease. I think this goes hand in hand with patience. Knowing that no matter what happens I am going to be provided for, that’s peace – and a dollop of optimism. To me, peace is knowing that after making a prayerful decision, that it’s the right one. Having confidence in hearing the word of God clearly. There have been 1 million or more times I’ve made a decision where I didn’t have peace about the outcome…and did it anyway – some were decisions made on a whim, some were decisions I didn’t pray about, some were decisions I made simply because it was what I wanted to do - like living with someone for a time (look how that ended!), like moving to Dallas (look how that ended!), like starting arguments with people for the sake of arguing, or something relatively insignificant like not wearing my seatbelt or texting and driving.

Prayerful decision making = peace

What a concept!!!

What a sigh of relief!

Prayerful decision making = peace

If only there was an “all other things being equal” type economic formulae to go with it…but there’s not. So it can become a bit convoluted. Again with the type A personality thing…darn it! We can’t keep things simple, unfortunately.

And now this remains – pessimism. When asking google to define the term, google returns the following: “Pessimism – a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future.” I said earlier that I suck at prayer, patience, peace and pessimism. Being slightly on the side of hypochondriac does not warrant the label, “pessimist”. I don’t have a choice but to be optimistic. I don’t think you should give yourself a choice. If I constantly thought the world was all doom and gloom and ALL my mistakes were sending me straight to 1. Hell, 2. The poor house, and 3. Jail – I would be a miserable little person. Pessimism gets into your pores and turns you cold. My good friend CW made an awesome point tonight, “if you think you can’t or think you can, you’re right.” Meaning, if you’re constantly EXPECTING the worst thing to happen – it’s going to. However, if you expect the best – you will generally receive better results. The choice is yours – (I think someone said this after morning announcements all throughout grade school!)

I don’t really know what my point is except maybe this – make prayerful decisions by waiting patiently for an answer, be optimistic about the potential results, and God will give you peace in your heart like you’ve never known before.

Slippery Soapbox - sorry....

Have you ever met someone that seemed so amazing in the beginning but soon became someone you weren’t 100% sure of? Did your first impression of them instantly place them above all other things?

Why do people do that? Why do we give off an image of ourselves that is so incredibly false that we wind up paying for it later? Someone always gets hurt in these situations. Would you not agree that it’s best to be yourself up front?

I’m not just talking about in dating relationships – even simply friendships. What a great feeling to know that you can go to your friend or boyfriend or girlfriend without any make up on, or with tears streaming down your face, or dressed in a completely absurd way, or smelling like you rolled in pig poo – and they wouldn’t care one bit? I saw a “pin” on pinterest that read…

How gross. We are a materialistic society – trust me, I GET THAT and am not one to speak – but how misrepresented can we be? We portray ourselves as people we really aren’t and for what??? FOR WHAT REASON?!?! So certain people will love us? Accept us? Look – I like nice things. So sue me. I buy them for myself. I buy them because they are a representation of my hard work – for me. I don’t do it to prove anything. And I’ve been judged so many times for what I have that it’s dumb. So this goes both ways people.

It’s ok to want nice things. And it’s ok to want nothing! But is it ok to go out and portray yourself as someone you aren’t?

I guarantee you, God loves you more than anyone on this earth ever will. And you know what - I have to remind myself of that DAILY. Am I ashamed? No. Do my family and friends love me? Yes. Even people I’ve hurt love me. I can mess up over and over and over again but to most it’s just a “Jess” thing.

There are people who wear their heart on their sleeve, people who keep everything inside, people who only talk to their dearest friends because they’ve been hurt so many times, and people who tell everyone everything because they just don’t give a rip. There are people who say they are introverts but are extroverts, who say they are servants but who demand to be served, who say they are flexible and easy going but don’t know what compromise means, who say they are Christians but don’t walk the walk or even try, who say they want to spend time with you but make no time, who want a relationship to work but don’t want to put in the time. How about some balance? Or at least some dang consistency.

I’ve told people – a lot of people – everything. And I’ve told most nothing. God is my biggest confidante. He knows things before they even freaking happen so, there is no escaping Him. We all sin, we all hurt, we all long for more, we all need companionship and most of all we all need love.

I have written about LOVE SO MUCH that it’s starting to make me ill. Unconditional love. It’s really not that hard of a concept to understand, people.

What the heck is everyone so afraid of??? If someone doesn’t like you, who cares?! God does. If someone doesn’t like the way you dress, who cares?!? As long as you’re clothed in the armor of Christ and adorn yourself in modesty and grace, it doesn’t matter if Joe Blow or Suzie Q approve!

What’s the other saying? Something along the lines of “Be yourself because everyone else is taken” – so true!

And another….

And another….

Above all else, please remember this – you were made in the likeness of God. So live like He would live. Walk as Jesus walked. It’s ok to pray to be a certain way or ask for a certain character trait. Shoot, all through college I asked for wisdom and understanding and not for life issues – for accounting problems! I have to ask for patience on a DAILY basis because, believe it or not, I can be rather uptight about things. Look here….

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  Psalm 139:14-16

Food, food and more food.

Well friends - the rodeo has finally taken it's toll...I would like to blame my sickness on allergies but I don't think that will work anymore. It's lasted too long. Runny nose, slight cough, headache, incredibly fatigued (what a funny word) - super annoying.

Anyways, the point I am here to make is that I miss my life routine. Too much hustle and bustle - I am ready to cook at home and go to the gym and play with my dogs. Needless to say the past few weeks have been amazing- I'm ready for consistency and a life that's a little more low key - yes, I said low key.

I cooked twice last week - that's a start. But not enough. Salads for lunch are getting old and so is eating out every meal. I really need to start watching what I eat too - not for the weight loss factor - but something keeps making my stomach not happy and I have no idea what it is. I've only gotten sick once after cooking for myself so I think that's the safest way to go. Maybe that's the problem - I'm so used to cooking my own food that going out to eat just isn't a good idea. But it all tastes SO GOOD!

So last week I made something new. I had a recipe for it but didn't even use it (lost it haha) so who knows what it was SUPPOSED to taste like. Turned out well, if I do say so myself. Oh yea, and I'm not sure what it was called but you can make something up I'm sure.

Ingredients:

Originally I used -
- 1 cup uncooked couscous
- 5 links of chicken sausage - I used some fancy kind I found at HEB that had spinach and feta mixed in
- 1 can crushed tomatoes
- Chopped yellow onion - however much you want - I used about 3/4ths of one
- Minced garlic - go crazy! I used 3 cloves and probably would have used more if I wasn't trying to totally mess it up
- Fresh basil - chopped - I used about 5 leaves, that stuff is strong
- Feta cheese
- Extra virgin olive oil - of course

Things I would add -
- Fresh spinach leaves
- Roma tomatoes - diced
- More basil
- More garlic

Heat up some EVOOil in a medium skillet/sauce pan. Remove the chicken sausage from the casing and put it in the skillet with the onions and garlic - I let the someone else do this becuase I didn't have my handy gloves for meat handling purposes and because it was gross. Cook the sausage and ground it up to where it's crumbly (I know - I'm so technical with all my cooking jargon). Once it's about done, add fresh spinach. When the spinach is about wilted, add the can of crushed tomatoes, italian seasonings/basil, garlic, diced tomatoes, and whatever else you want. Let everything simmer together

In another sauce pan, prepare the couscous according the the package instructions - I used whole wheat. One cup, uncooked, was more than enough after it was cooked.

Add the couscous to the meat and tomatoes. When you're ready to eat, top it off with some crumbled feta. YUMMO!

Later in the week I made jumbo turkey meatballs stuffed with fresh mozzarella and whole wheat pasta and homemade tomato sauce. I will post the recipe later.

Food potentials for the week -

1 - marinated, baked chicken and brocolli
2 - slow cooker, spicy shredded chicken for tacos topped with black bean salsa
3 - spicy black bean and corn stuffed peppers

I could browse blogs full of recipes all day long. Some people are nuts and I really wonder where they find the time for all this fancy food. Some people are more practical and have some really great ideas. The problem? I can't just blog surf all day. Even though I wish I could!

Oh - and at some point this week I want to make, correction - I WILL make oreo cupcakes.

I need a bigger kitchen. One day.

Happy cooking!

Thursday, thursday....

It's thursday. That's all I have to say about that. The weather has been crummy for a few days. Rain and cold and hot and humid, it's a vicious cycle.

Another rodeo date tonight! We saw tenth avenue north on Valentine's day. It was a great Valentine's day :) I cried at the concert! Because of this song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrET4KhgV58 and a few others. They were awesome. Tonight is Josh Abbott. Love them! It should be a good time. Luckily, our seats are pretty great too.

A very close family friend's brother passed away. The funeral is today. Please keep him and his dad and their families in your prayers.

I can't imagine losing someone close to me. I am so incredibly thankful that God knows what the heck he is doing. Those close to me can't go anywhere just yet. I need too many of them on a daily/weekly - sometimes hourly - basis. I'm not ready to lose anyone. So thank you Lord for your graciousness and protection and for LIFE in You.

Romans 14:8 For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.

YAY For the weekend!

I have a feeling I'm going to be saying that a lot more going forward! I am so excited to be starting on a new journey.
In other news, the SA Rodeo has begun and I am so excited. I think it's awesome we can go to a citywide event and share a prayer before each rodeo session. We live in a great country, despite all the "bad" that seems to be going on. Remember there are so many people opressed in other parts of the world. We are a blessed nation. We serve an awesome God.

A few words for the weekend....

Where ever you are and whatever you're going through, know that God is with you. He has your best interest at heart.

Take your time so you don't take things for granted. Spend time with others. Catch up on things you've been putting off. Don't sweat the small stuff (I know I should take my own advice)!

Know that everything happens for a reason and harboring bitterness because things don't go as you planned isn't going to make you feel any better. It won't make God "change His mind". There is a reason for everything and you just have to keep the faith and be diligent in prayer. He wants to hear from you. In the same way my dad wants to hear from me :)

Have an awesome weekend!!! Know that you are blessed in so many ways :)