Yesterday was a big deal. The 15th of February, to be exact. Yesterday, four years ago, my man asked me to be his forever. Obviously, I said yes and here we are, doing this thing called life and rockin' it (read: fakin' it till we make it)!
Even though yesterday was like most days, between work, a toddler and a baby - it was insane and overly eventful. To say that we were tired and ready to give up, throw on our pajamas, eat ice cream out of the carton, not say a word to one another and slowly drift off to sleep after staring at our phones for an hour...is an understatement. But, we did it. We got through the day, we adulted, we went to community group, we put on happy faces. Unfortunately, we still went to bed without a word to one another. Real talk. Real life.
The worst part about yesterday, such a special day, was that I was mad at him most of it. I woke up this morning thinking, "here we go," fed the baby and got to work. Then I started to think, while the house was still quiet, and I realized that I wanted a do-over. I wanted to try again at yesterday because I have this insane expectation of my husband that is totally unfair to him. I expect him to be a mind reader, a fortune teller, Gilligan and the millionaire. Kidding.
Stress is a killer... it's a snake that comes in and steals joy and sucks the life right out of us! Who handles stress as poorly as I do?? I am going to imagine that a sea of hands are raised because I do NOT want to be alone in this.
Another question, why do we treat those closest to us, the worst? He is an amazingly perceptive guy, way better than I am. He knows when I am failing and always rescues me from my own catastrophes. He does all. the. things. All the things, and more! So why was/am I so harsh? Why did I let stress impact our special day?
Who do you have insane expectations set for, if anyone? How can we get a grip and come back to earth?
I think my post about grace hits the nail on the head. Grace for self and grace for others goes a really long way. I also know I have to change my outlook on stress, to see it as a challenge and a way to grow instead of as a hindrance and total buzz kill. Lastly, I know I need to respect and love and cherish the man that got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.
So today I am giving myself a second chance - whether he likes it or not - and I am going to be better than I was yesterday. I am going to make myself slow down, to have a conversation with him, to kiss and hug him when we get home and to not jump down his throat if my day ends up in the garbage.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
Grace Defined
I've recently noticed a theme of 'grace' in my life and I really think it's something that we don't talk about enough.
What is grace?
By definition 'grace' is simple elegance or refinement of movement, ie. elegance and finesse. In Christian belief, 'grace' is the free and unmerited favor of God or God's love towards men who deserve the opposite. It's forgiving AND forgetting.
I'm really interested in the act of showing grace and what that looks like, mainly because I've been in several situations lately where I've needed it or have needed to show others how to give it.
How do we show grace?
Grace, to me, is an exalted level or epitome of kindness. It's not just helping an older person or giving a child something they need or treating your neighbor with respect. It's more than that. It's love in action. It's saying you accept someone despite the struggles you may have with them. It's forgiveness of self and others.
When should we show and ask for grace?
Grace is good. All the time. We should be throwing grace around like confetti. The most perfect of all is the One who gives grace the most freely. Without His grace we would be in much worse shape. You can never ask for too much and you can never show it too much.
Showing grace gives us the ability to move on from those things that hold us back. Now, if you think about it, humbly asking for grace and openly giving grace is the perfect combination for - conflict resolution internally and externally as well as, learning how to live in community with one another, to trust our leaders, to love our significant others, and to raise our children to the best of our abilities.
Some things to keep in mind in 2017:
Show yourself grace when you try and fail. Show your partner grace when they've wronged you but you know divorce is also not the answer. Ask for grace when you know you should parent better but lose your cool one too many times. Show grace when confronting and trying to remedy a situation. Show grace when you know someone needs to be cut some slack. Remind yourself that grace is necessary for refinement.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Welcome 2017!
One of my many New Years resolutions is to write more.
So instead of scrolling through social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Timehop, then back to Facebook or Instagram, or maybe over to Pinterest or Houzz) I've opened up my notes app.
I have so many things to jot down, not just for you {sorry} but for myself. I want to remember everything. I have the worst memory so it's actually really important. Writing has always made me feel better, too. I was that girl, the one with the diary, who wrote religiously. I am still that woman who loves a good notebook to fill... just wish those notebook pages would translate into typed print! Although, the only downfall to blogging publicly is I can't share everything. Maybe I will keep journaling for my deepest thoughts and biggest secrets - sorry, this is not a tell all.
Sidebar: I kept a journal (the thing you hand write in) for G while dating and all through our engagement. I gave it to him at our rehearsal dinner and some low life broke into the truck on our wedding day and stole it.... along with his tux, my wedding band, a watch and his work bag. Needless to say he only read a page of it. I tried to do it again the first year of our marriage but I never finished and never gave it to him. That makes me sad. I'll give it to him tonight if I can even find it.
Ok back to the topic... New Years resolutions are tough. I believe they are anyways. Mainly because it is often an unrealistic goal for the person setting them. Let's see, for me, a practical goal would be... 2x a month posting. I figure if I put it to paper (app) then I am holding myself more accountable. I wish I could commit to more but I return to work next Monday. Yes, maternity leave is ending with Baby #2 and, as with baby #1, I am a mess about it. More on maternity leave and what that has looked like, later.
Welcome, 2017!
So instead of scrolling through social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Timehop, then back to Facebook or Instagram, or maybe over to Pinterest or Houzz) I've opened up my notes app.
I have so many things to jot down, not just for you {sorry} but for myself. I want to remember everything. I have the worst memory so it's actually really important. Writing has always made me feel better, too. I was that girl, the one with the diary, who wrote religiously. I am still that woman who loves a good notebook to fill... just wish those notebook pages would translate into typed print! Although, the only downfall to blogging publicly is I can't share everything. Maybe I will keep journaling for my deepest thoughts and biggest secrets - sorry, this is not a tell all.
Sidebar: I kept a journal (the thing you hand write in) for G while dating and all through our engagement. I gave it to him at our rehearsal dinner and some low life broke into the truck on our wedding day and stole it.... along with his tux, my wedding band, a watch and his work bag. Needless to say he only read a page of it. I tried to do it again the first year of our marriage but I never finished and never gave it to him. That makes me sad. I'll give it to him tonight if I can even find it.
Ok back to the topic... New Years resolutions are tough. I believe they are anyways. Mainly because it is often an unrealistic goal for the person setting them. Let's see, for me, a practical goal would be... 2x a month posting. I figure if I put it to paper (app) then I am holding myself more accountable. I wish I could commit to more but I return to work next Monday. Yes, maternity leave is ending with Baby #2 and, as with baby #1, I am a mess about it. More on maternity leave and what that has looked like, later.
Welcome, 2017!
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Lessons in Parenting
I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.
A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.
A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!
Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"
Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!
But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.
You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.
That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.
There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!
Now, what did we do differently?
We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!
If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!
A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.
A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!
Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.
Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"
Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!
But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.
You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.
That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.
There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!
Now, what did we do differently?
We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!
If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
5/25
"I am 16, going on 17...." You know you love the Sound of Music!
Speaking of getting older and wiser, my 29th year has started off with a bang in that department. It's always fun to learn and grow to have a better understanding of things - human nature, money, love, relationships, health, etc.
I recently ran across Warren Buffett's 5/25 rule and REALLY need to let this soak in or I'll lose more years than I gain with every birthday.
Have you heard of this?
What are the top 25 things you love? Rank them. What are the top 5 things of those top 25 that you SUPER love? Maybe you love starting businesses but you SUPER love building websites - find a way to make them both work. Maybe you want to learn how to play an instrument but you SUPER love simply listening to music - say "yes" to more concerts! Maybe you love someone and put a lot of effort into making it work but realize your well being is a SUPER love - ditch them. Maybe you love your job and like the path your career is taking you but you SUPER love your family.... evaluate what's going on there or find a way to get them both in your Top 5.
In order to focus on the Top 5, we must clear off and say "no" to the other 20 so the distraction is eliminated.
Maybe bed rest has my mind a little too freed up to be thinking about such things but, I'm excited to start saying "NO" to those things that will take small moments or maybe even years away from me - lost hours of sleep, lost time with friends and family, lost chances for improved well being.
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