We have a 1 year old... Holy!

Time sped up the moment our little was born.

I have no idea how 12 months flew by, but they did.

Some days I didn't know if I would make it through the first year, and other times I felt on top of the world.

My husband and I were challenged in ways we never thought possible - how much we could love another person besides one another, how many times we would say "no", the ways we would deal with each other, and how we chose to parent.

It is important to remember the good and the not so good... here is what I want to remember.

• How alert he was as a newborn
• His "O" face
• The way his head was shaped by the vacuum 
• How beautiful his eyes are 
• The way his hair grew in, like a toupee
• His dancing and wiggling when music comes on
• His first steps in his 10th month
• The way he throws himself, arms wide open, at people
• When he shakes his head after being told "no-no"
• The time he climbed up on the fireplace
• How contently he will sit and listen to a story 
• The moments we share while nursing 
• His blow out diapers and some of the craziness associated 
• Bath time and his love for splashing water everywhere
• The way he says "mom" and "dada"
• How he points at stuff and says "dat" 
• His infectious laugh
• How he throws balls then waves his arm
• When he says "ah da" for "all done" and waves his hands
• How surprisingly easy it was to sleep train him 
• When he got his first two teeth at 3 months old 
• How excited he gets when he is on his little trampoline 

And I'm sure there is so much more. 

The one thing I want to remember, above all else, is the amazing feeling of unconditional love and being able to see it and be reminded of it on a daily basis 

Let them Grow

I love to see our friends babies growing up via pictures on facebook. Pregnancy and growing humans is a fascinating thing.  We should all know by now that facebook isn't exactly our best friend and that sometimes it can be our own worst enemy. I say this because, as much as I love to see all the baby posts, it makes me truly sad when parents boast about their child's abilities when it's far beyond what a child of that age should be expected... Here are some examples:

- babies walking when their bodies aren't ready to walk
- babies eating foods their tiny bodies can't process
- babies being overweight and thinking it's okay

It is scientifically proven that babies of certain ages can't handle the weight of their body. It's also scientifically proven that their body can't handle certain food. Their tummy is tiny! And yes, we all love a chubby baby, but boasting about how chubby your child is probably isn't teaching them good eating habits for later in life... Give them a chance to be little. They can't tell you that they can't handle certain foods or their development may be impacted by your encouragement for them to be grown.

I don't know if it's because social media has everyone subconsciously competing, but why would you want to encourage certain behavior so early that will lead to bad habits later? You're the adult. You're the example.

Let them crawl and discover.  Let them learn how to pull up. Don't give up if you're able to breast feed. Let them take a bottle filled with primary and essential nutrients (not necessarily breast milk) longer than 6 months. Let them eat pureed food when they are ready. Let them learn how to digest and how to ask for more or less. Let them be little. Let them grow.

Be encouraging, but be mindful of the facts.

If they are a natural walker - great!

If they naturally have a large appetite - awesome!

But please think before you encourage - let them develop and evolve. Let them grow. When you do, you're teaching them so much more!

Becoming child-like

I've noticed something lately. I've begun to understand, more and more, what it means to have child-like love and faith. My son teaches me so much at 10 months old!

I fear that as we get older, we will revert back to old ways and over time will not be the best example for him. So...

Here are a few examples that I've been meaning to document as a reminder for myself during those times when I find myself behaving less than Christ-like:

- the way my son beams with an ear to ear smile when one of us walks in the room ... We should do the same. It's inviting and makes you feel so important. On the home-front, the first 30 seconds after getting home from work dictates the way the rest of the evening may go! 

- his need for affection ... Get those endorphins up! 

- his adventurous spirit ... Sure he may not be able to fly so crawling off the couch isn't ideal but, his inhibition and high level of trust is second to none. He is learning to protect himself during the process of discovery.

- his lack of stranger danger ... It's so awesome the way he opens up to people and makes himself completely vulnerable while also being aware of where mom and dad are ... Relationships are so important to him already!!   His trust and faith in people is astounding.

Choose Joy

So lately on life with a baby… people ask “what’s new?” and all I can say is, “everything and nothing at the same time”.

 

It is the weirdest thing… post-partum… For those who haven’t experienced this or haven’t quite recognized what it is they are experiencing, it’s the most BS thing ever.

 

Our life is beautiful. Our little tea cup life is overflowing, daily. We want for nothing. But there are those moments. Those moments the devil creeps in and takes over. Where, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, my world seems to be in pieces. When the sun is covered by the moon and life is just plain dark. When the laughter stops and tears flow. Where fear, anxiety, and depression wiggle their way deep into my marrow. And the worst part of all, is there isn’t a reason for any of it. 

 

There is always tomorrow. Right? On “those days” (the bad ones) I cling tightly to the hope of a tomorrow, of a do-over. Tomorrow isn’t always quite as bright as a few days before but it isn’t quite as dark as it could be. But some days, and some weeks are as bright as I’ve ever seen! 

 

I coined the phrase, “everything and nothing” when a friend asked what had been going on with me lately. That’s how “this” feels and even though it sounds negative… it’s almost encouraging to me. I see it like this, there could be so much of the bad going on (everything) but yet none of it is real and none of it should steal my joy (nothing) because right now, or at any given moment, I am all things positive and good.

 

On days when a little black rain cloud wants to follow me around… I will choose to see the sun, to feel joy, to find my happy.

 

The best part, is it doesn’t have to be hard…there is good all around me!

 

Anxiety ridden

I've been struggling with anxiety the past few months. Ok more like 9 months. I think I've always been somewhat of an anxious person but I've recently discovered how fearful I am, too. 

I'm so scared of so many things that it's inhibiting me from enjoying the blessed life I lead. 

I'm scared of failing. 

I'm afraid of the unknown. 

I'm fearful of taking chances. 

I'm reluctant to change. 

And it's effecting my livelihood and my relationships. 

I'm 27. I am blessed in so many ways. That I am sure of. But, I just want to remain in this same state. I want to remain 27. The weird thing is that I used to thrive on change. 

Fear is an insecurity like I've never known. Being unsure of things you used to be so confident in, is a terrible feeling. And it's something that can make you feel so lonely. 

For one post in my life, I'm leaving it at this. I'm not going to self help my way through this. This is something I need to work through. Not get over. 

And maybe someone can relate and feel comforted by this post without feeling like they need to fix themselves. I would love to help but I'm still working on me. 

So for now. That is all.