Let Them Be

Recently I've overheard and have been involved in conversations where the subject was children misbehaving. We all do it... There is always a bad kid. We might even have a bad kid (as difficult as it may be to admit). I used to be a bad kid to some degree (hard to believe, I KNOW!). But the baffling part about these conversations is that these kiddos dubbed "bad" really aren't at all.

I know we all have opinions of what constitutes "bad", and you're entitled to that opinion. Let's consider the facts though... 

A little boy getting exited while playing with his momma at a social gathering, away from most everyone - not bad even if his voice gets a little high... He is 3 years old. Deal with it. 

A little girl at Christmas time trying so hard to practice patience while waiting to open gifts - oh yea, and she is all about the magic and spirit of Christmas. Not bad. She is totally entitled to be a kid at Christmas. She is s true example of joy and happiness anyways, so we should be taking note... not reprimanding her. 

A little girl at a restaurant talking a little loudly. Engaging with the waiter and her family - not being "bad". she wasn't running around the restaurant or disturbing other people. She was being a child... a contributor to society in training. Her family hushed her a few times, but they never got upset with her... and they didn't need to.

Of course, there are teachable moments that pop up all the time when it comes to kiddos, but we have to remember that suppressing a child's ability to be themselves is only doing more harm than good. They are still "in training". Our words and actions carry an incredible amount of weight to a child. If you have an outgoing child, let them be outgoing but teach them to be polite about it. If you have a kid who loves to play and use their imagination, encourage them but teach them to play alone at times. Coming down on a child, scoffing at children that aren't yours, thinking a kid is "bad" when really they are expressing themselves - so not cool. All we can do as parents is use the "bad" moments as opportunities. Do your best as a parent and the rest will fall into place... and forget what the rest say.

You can even forget all of this, for all I care :)

My hope is for Grant to feel empowered to explore all of his personality traits, in a Christlike way... even if he gets out of hand from time to time. He is only 3.5 months so we have while :)

Update: the reason I wrote this is not clear. I wrote this because when I hear people talking about seemingly "bad" kiddos it freaks me out that Grant will or is a little terror in their eyes. But that's when I have to remind myself that those kids aren't awful. By any means. 

Please watch what you say around mommas. We are, especially new ones, absolutely freaked out about doing everything right and don't need to hear your opinions of what constitutes a bad kid. Because more often than not, those kids are perfectly fine in being their perfect mini selves.  

The Newbie's

It's already been a month since my last post. I know exactly why it's taken so long...So many times I catch myself wanting to blog about our parenting adventures or about our life but something keeps holding me back. 

TBH- I really feel like there would be a wave of criticism because we aren't seasoned parents. Like we haven't been through it long enough... We don't have any "street cred" and are still "newbies". But in all actuality, intuition is an awesome thing. It still amazes me the things we have accomplished just by relying on each other and a few trusted sources. Our little is thriving and growing and he is happy and active. We are doing something right and so often I want to share in our successes!!  

I guess the real reason I hold back on parenting advice is the same reason I hold back on relationship advice. Like love stories, all babies are different and everyone will have a different experience raising their baby. My only advice for new parents is- You've never been a parent and your child has never been a baby so it will take a combined effort and understanding to make it through each day. 

(PS- no new mom wants to hear "sleep now because you never will again!" Or any of the other typical one liners about becoming a parent)

I've found that offering encouragement is often much better and more helpful than trying to be a know it all or a Debbie downer. Let's face it, I definitely don't know it all. And whenever you feel like a Debbie downer, remind yourself that every day is a new day. Every day is a learning opportunity. Every day I get the chance to watch our son develop and grow and learn. It's pretty exciting times in the W household.

And then comes the daily reminder to myself... To be patient in all things. With my husband when he does something different than I would have. With my son when he isn't behaving the way I want him to. With myself because I can't be perfect and I shouldn't even try to be. It is stressful enough being a new parent, don't exacerbate the reality! Enjoy every moment because you may never get an opportunity quite like it! 

 

Baby got Baptized

We had a spectacular past few days. Doing "Christmas" with friends and family, going to TWO movies, hanging out for a friend's birthday, and most importantly the baptism of our little! 

It was such a special day for us and we were blessed with the company of so many that we love. Baby's baptism was proof of how big and important our job as Christians really is. We are His light and His love to the world. It's our responsibility to be the best example of Christ to others and especially our children. And like our Pastor said, live like nothing is impossible with God at the center of our lives. 

This is something I should know all about! God allowed my dad to go through something so crazy just to prove to us that He is in control and that, no matter how badly we want to understand, sometimes we just may not. 

It's really disappointing how worked up we can get about the very things that we should be the most prayerful about. We cannot change our circumstance. We cannot control situations. We cannot fix everything. We are doing ourselves a disservice when we try to do these things. We are only frustrating ourselves more when we don't let things go and allow God to do what He wants. His will be done, remember that? Yes well, we should remind ourselves that an explanation isn't always attached to His will. We just have to pray our way through it. Lift up the issue and trust that He knows what he is doing. We can't allow our circumstances to dictate our behavior and how we treat others and ourselves. 

We don't get a pass to be ugly because our life seems awful. We don't get a pass to act foolish because we don't like what's happening at the moment. We don't get to blame bad behavior on the present situation. Plus, we should know that nothing is permanent and "this too shall pass". Our days are numbered, we should live like it. 

We have to be an example of Christlikeness to the world. Remember that, the next time you want to throw a fit because things aren't quite the way YOU think they should be. I know I'll be reminding myself that more and more as my son grows and has me to look at for his example. 

Don't be a Grinch

I've been pretty disappointed lately. Disappointed in how people treat each other. If you're in your middle-late twenties or over, you have to grow up. It amazes me, really, how some just never learned what it means to be nice, kind, caring...and they seem to totally have missed the mark on learning when to keep their mouths shut. It's like this day and age we live in is all about speaking out and letting your voice be heard and screw everyone else - heck, I have a blog don't I? But for real, I can't help but wonder when some will truly understand when to grow up and show up, treat others with respect (not just in romantic relationships), and act like dang adults.

But it's sad, you know? It's sad that people can be continually manipulative, self seeking, totally consumed by their own life that they don't even notice others around them, don't care who they hurt, and certainly don't attribute any of their behavior to being "bad".  Even in their efforts to become "good" they only become more vain and self centered, acting like the world owes them something.

When I see those people doing what they "do", and unfortunately they are all over the place, all I can hope is that I'm not right there with them, wrapped up in my own self. I think of all the reasons they may be like that... maybe they are self conscious, maybe they grew up thinking success meant doing whatever it takes, maybe they are the ones hurting and don't know how to deal or ask for help, maybe success to them is much more than it is to me, maybe they really have no idea they are hurtful, maybe they are so stuck in their ways due to self validation that they are blind to reality... It's really too bad... because when I think of those people, I think of how many more friends they could have if they trusted more, how much more content they would be if they would stop comparing themselves to everyone else and stop trying to get ahead, how much happier they would be if they weren't always trying to win an argument, and how much more pleasant they would be to be around if they didn't think the world owed them something.

When going through the motions of the holiday season try to remember that this life is only temporary. (I'm reminding myself, too!) Who needs presents when God gave us the Fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Show love, find joy, have peace, and show patience, be kind and good - not just at Christmas time, be faithful to the One who made you, gentle towards those around you and exhibit self control of all worldly things. Be aware of those described above, love them but don't let them consume you or bring you down. Be genuinely interested in others, invest in your relationships and foster new ones, open your home and your heart. You'd be amazed at how good you feel and how content you are with the life you have.

And remember, don't be a Grinch, because one day you may run out of time for your heart to grow.

God chose you

My husband likes to send me things throughout the day. Sometimes they are funny vine videos or memes or interesting articles. Then there are those times he sends a video or article that catches me off guard and sends me into full on meltdown mode.

He sent me this video today... Grab a tissue mommas

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uyWADizqtHk&feature=youtu.be

Garth Brooks sings "Mom"

What a sweet song! I hope that's the conversation God had with our sweet boy. I hope he always knows that our love for him is endless. 

Something else to take away... You were chosen for your child. So when you think you've got it all wrong, when you feel like nothing your doing is right, or when you feel like you have no idea what to do next... Remember that God made you a momma to your child(ren)...biological or foster or adopted or unofficial or however you're a "parent", God chose you for that person (little or big, brand new or grown). If you're waiting for God to choose you, keep praying.... He has someone or a few little someones lined up for you! 

PS- He is also our instructor and the bible is our instruction book. Oh and Google.... Google is helpful! 

PSS- I think my husband likes to make me cry! 

Have a love filled weekend!