Becoming child-like

I've noticed something lately. I've begun to understand, more and more, what it means to have child-like love and faith. My son teaches me so much at 10 months old!

I fear that as we get older, we will revert back to old ways and over time will not be the best example for him. So...

Here are a few examples that I've been meaning to document as a reminder for myself during those times when I find myself behaving less than Christ-like:

- the way my son beams with an ear to ear smile when one of us walks in the room ... We should do the same. It's inviting and makes you feel so important. On the home-front, the first 30 seconds after getting home from work dictates the way the rest of the evening may go! 

- his need for affection ... Get those endorphins up! 

- his adventurous spirit ... Sure he may not be able to fly so crawling off the couch isn't ideal but, his inhibition and high level of trust is second to none. He is learning to protect himself during the process of discovery.

- his lack of stranger danger ... It's so awesome the way he opens up to people and makes himself completely vulnerable while also being aware of where mom and dad are ... Relationships are so important to him already!!   His trust and faith in people is astounding.

Choose Joy

So lately on life with a baby… people ask “what’s new?” and all I can say is, “everything and nothing at the same time”.

 

It is the weirdest thing… post-partum… For those who haven’t experienced this or haven’t quite recognized what it is they are experiencing, it’s the most BS thing ever.

 

Our life is beautiful. Our little tea cup life is overflowing, daily. We want for nothing. But there are those moments. Those moments the devil creeps in and takes over. Where, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, my world seems to be in pieces. When the sun is covered by the moon and life is just plain dark. When the laughter stops and tears flow. Where fear, anxiety, and depression wiggle their way deep into my marrow. And the worst part of all, is there isn’t a reason for any of it. 

 

There is always tomorrow. Right? On “those days” (the bad ones) I cling tightly to the hope of a tomorrow, of a do-over. Tomorrow isn’t always quite as bright as a few days before but it isn’t quite as dark as it could be. But some days, and some weeks are as bright as I’ve ever seen! 

 

I coined the phrase, “everything and nothing” when a friend asked what had been going on with me lately. That’s how “this” feels and even though it sounds negative… it’s almost encouraging to me. I see it like this, there could be so much of the bad going on (everything) but yet none of it is real and none of it should steal my joy (nothing) because right now, or at any given moment, I am all things positive and good.

 

On days when a little black rain cloud wants to follow me around… I will choose to see the sun, to feel joy, to find my happy.

 

The best part, is it doesn’t have to be hard…there is good all around me!

 

Anxiety ridden

I've been struggling with anxiety the past few months. Ok more like 9 months. I think I've always been somewhat of an anxious person but I've recently discovered how fearful I am, too. 

I'm so scared of so many things that it's inhibiting me from enjoying the blessed life I lead. 

I'm scared of failing. 

I'm afraid of the unknown. 

I'm fearful of taking chances. 

I'm reluctant to change. 

And it's effecting my livelihood and my relationships. 

I'm 27. I am blessed in so many ways. That I am sure of. But, I just want to remain in this same state. I want to remain 27. The weird thing is that I used to thrive on change. 

Fear is an insecurity like I've never known. Being unsure of things you used to be so confident in, is a terrible feeling. And it's something that can make you feel so lonely. 

For one post in my life, I'm leaving it at this. I'm not going to self help my way through this. This is something I need to work through. Not get over. 

And maybe someone can relate and feel comforted by this post without feeling like they need to fix themselves. I would love to help but I'm still working on me. 

So for now. That is all. 

I'll cry if I want to...

Finally, it's acceptable to be a baby about things!!!!!!

Check this out... "Big Girls Do Cry"

I'm so glad someone wrote about this and I really hope everyone takes note. You have to admit, after a good cry, you tend to feel better. There is no point in trying to "keep it all in" or "hold it all together" - you'll only feel worse and it may cause you to get sick (it may even cause your appendix to rupture, as in my case!!!).

I never cried. Then, about 4 years ago, I hit rock bottom in my life, my appendix DID rupture and I have been a "crier" ever since! It really has helped me deal and process all the crap that happens and the shhhtuff that tends to build up. It's just like anything that requires routine maintenance. Being a crier doesn't mean you're weak or a push over.

I attribute the act of crying to the following positive traits I'm happy to have developed:
- I'm a better friend and have more authentic, real relationships with people
- I may cry more but I deal better when life throws curve balls
- I feel more alive because I allow myself to FEEL more
- I am more sensitive to those around me and less self-centered
- I am healthier, I have a better self-image, and an increased self-worth
- I feel that I'm a relatively accomplished and successful twenty-something

Yea, I still have a ways to go as faring being the best me possible. However, I think becoming a cry baby truly did play a significant role in getting me from where I was to where I am now.

So, grab a tissue (and maybe a bottle of wine) and let it out!

Your daily dose of unsolicited advice

Since I know mommas-to-be just love hearing a new mom's opinions on being a new mom... I'm sharing all the things I found invaluable, wish I had known, and have learned in baby G's first five months of life. And you're going to love it. Hence the sarcasm?

- you have never been a mom and they have never been a baby, so you really can't screw it up - amen to that! 

- forget sleeping when the baby sleeps. Sleep when your spouse or someone else can watch the babe

- your kid will not hate you or be psychologically damaged if you do the cry it out method of sleep training

- sleep train. It's a sanity saver. 

- the crying stops eventually. What may seem like an hour will probably only be 5-10 minutes

- ask a trusted source anything and everything. Read less 

- only book recommendation- On Becoming Babywise 

- everything, good and bad, is amplified after baby comes 

- hormones. You still have the crazy ones for a while 

- your hair may fall out. You won't go bald. 

- breastfeeding may hurt at first. Keep at it. It stopped hurting after about a month. You may just have a ravenous eater (like me). Don't give up

- pump as much as possible to build up your supply. Even ten minutes after feeding baby to trick your body into making more!! 

- take fenugreek 

- it's ok to be a milk nazi 

- you're still a good mom if you formula feed

- you're still a good mom if you work and put your kid in day care 

- if you find a good day care, they will love your little like you do (promise!) 

- the witching hour. It's a real thing. It sucks. But it's manageable and doesn't last forever 

- your relationship with and appreciation for your spouse will intensify 

- nose Frieda. Cool mist humidifier. salene drops. Teething tablets. Gas drops. <<<<necessities. Get duplicates 

- don't stop living your life. The baby will adapt and learn to fit into your family. They have to since they are now part of it!! 

- you're the parent. You teach them everything. Behave yourself. 

- the first month kinda sucks. Well, it's just not all rainbows and butterflies but everyday gets a little better and more fun 

- husbands... Constantly encourage your wife. It's the best thing you can do! 

- 90% of crying, if a baby has already been fed, is because the baby is bored/restless, has a tummy ache, or is tired - you will make it through! 

- on average babies get 8 colds in their first year. It's ok if they get sick. They will build up immunities! 

That's all I got for now. You're welcome for this unsolicited blurb!