Grace Defined

I've recently noticed a theme of 'grace' in my life and I really think it's something that we don't talk about enough.

What is grace? 

By definition 'grace' is simple elegance or refinement of movement, ie. elegance and finesse. In Christian belief, 'grace' is the free and unmerited favor of God or God's love towards men who deserve the opposite. It's forgiving AND forgetting. 

I'm really interested in the act of showing grace and what that looks like, mainly because I've been in several situations lately where I've needed it or have needed to show others how to give it. 

How do we show grace? 

Grace, to me, is an exalted level or epitome of kindness. It's not just helping an older person or giving a child something they need or treating your neighbor with respect. It's more than that. It's love in action. It's saying you accept someone despite the struggles you may have with them. It's forgiveness of self and others. 

When should we show and ask for grace? 

Grace is good. All the time. We should be throwing grace around like confetti. The most perfect of all is the One who gives grace the most freely. Without His grace we would be in much worse shape. You can never ask for too much and you can never show it too much. 

Showing grace gives us the ability to move on from those things that hold us back. Now, if you think about it, humbly asking for grace and openly giving grace is the perfect combination for - conflict resolution internally and externally as well as, learning how to live in community with one another, to trust our leaders, to love our significant others, and to raise our children to the best of our abilities.

Some things to keep in mind in 2017:

Show yourself grace when you try and fail. Show your partner grace when they've wronged you but you know divorce is also not the answer. Ask for grace when you know you should parent better but lose your cool one too many times. Show grace when confronting and trying to remedy a situation. Show grace when you know someone needs to be cut some slack. Remind yourself that grace is necessary for refinement. 

Welcome 2017!

One of my many New Years resolutions is to write more.

So instead of scrolling through social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Timehop, then back to Facebook or Instagram, or maybe over to Pinterest or Houzz) I've opened up my notes app.

I have so many things to jot down, not just for you {sorry} but for myself. I want to remember everything. I have the worst memory so it's actually really important. Writing has always made me feel better, too. I was that girl, the one with the diary, who wrote religiously. I am still that woman who loves a good notebook to fill... just wish those notebook pages would translate into typed print! Although, the only downfall to blogging publicly is I can't share everything. Maybe I will keep journaling for my deepest thoughts and biggest secrets - sorry, this is not a tell all.

Sidebar: I kept a journal (the thing you hand write in) for G while dating and all through our engagement. I gave it to him at our rehearsal dinner and some low life broke into the truck on our wedding day and stole it.... along with his tux, my wedding band, a watch and his work bag. Needless to say he only read a page of it. I tried to do it again the first year of our marriage but I never finished and never gave it to him. That makes me sad. I'll give it to him tonight if I can even find it.

Ok back to the topic... New Years resolutions are tough. I believe they are anyways. Mainly because it is often an unrealistic goal for the person setting them. Let's see, for me, a practical goal would be... 2x a month posting. I figure if I put it to paper (app) then I am holding myself more accountable. I wish I could commit to more but I return to work next Monday. Yes, maternity leave is ending with Baby #2 and, as with baby #1, I am a mess about it. More on maternity leave and what that has looked like, later.

Welcome, 2017!

Lessons in Parenting

I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.

A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.

A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!

Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.

Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"

Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!

But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.

You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.

That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!

Now, what did we do differently?

We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!

If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!

5/25

"I am 16, going on 17...." You know you love the Sound of Music!

Speaking of getting older and wiser, my 29th year has started off with a bang in that department. It's always fun to learn and grow to have a better understanding of things - human nature, money, love, relationships, health, etc. 

I recently ran across Warren Buffett's 5/25 rule and REALLY need to let this soak in or I'll lose more years than I gain with every birthday. 

Have you heard of this? 

What are the top 25 things you love? Rank them. What are the top 5 things of those top 25 that you SUPER love? Maybe you love starting businesses but you SUPER love building websites - find a way to make them both work. Maybe you want to learn how to play an instrument but you SUPER love simply listening to music - say "yes" to more concerts! Maybe you love someone and put a lot of effort into making it work but realize your well being is a SUPER love - ditch them. Maybe you love your job and like the path your career is taking you but you SUPER love your family.... evaluate what's going on there or find a way to get them both in your Top 5.

In order to focus on the Top 5, we must clear off and say "no" to the other 20 so the distraction is eliminated. 

Maybe bed rest has my mind a little too freed up to be thinking about such things but, I'm excited to start saying "NO" to those things that will take small moments or maybe even years away from me - lost hours of sleep, lost time with friends and family, lost chances for improved well being. 

When Change is a Good Thing

You know those really fun, but often really cheesy Facebook quizzes that are always popping up on your news feed? I took one. Well, okay that's a lie, I've taken a million. I can't help it! I'm addicted to learning more about me - from what my favorite color says about my parenting style to what fast food joint lines up with my zodiac sign -  how narcissistic is that? I don't care. Keep your judgement to yourself.

Anyways, one in particular got me thinking! It was spot on, as most are (except the one about the fast food place because it said McDonald's aligned with my zodiac {Leo} and if you know me, you know I wouldn't be caught DEAD at a McDonald's... sorry, not sorry).

This was based on the Myers Briggs personality typology. I had taken the full MB test as a freshman in college ... too many years ago... and it was interesting to see how my results varied!

There was one BIG variance. When I took the test the first time, I was an ESTJ - extroverted, sensing, thinking, judging type. Which really makes sense for that time in my life. See, I had a tendency to be a little sh** sometimes - hard to believe, right? Don't answer that.

Needless to say, I was more than pleased with my new 4-letter personality type. And no, it wasn't the S word!

My results the other day were ESFJ - extroverted, sensing, FEELING, judging. And you know what I blame for that little F?

Hormones.

Kidding, but really... If I really dial it back and think about the root cause of the change, my husband pops into my head. I think the change happened when I fell in love with him. (Yes, layering on the cheese here). It was the moment that I finally gave up all {{most}} of my selfish ways, the moment I really began to lean on someone and to open my whole heart up to the vulnerability of LOVE.

Comparing the two personality types in my head, given my life experiences, while only one letter different, makes it seem like such a HUGE change. You're not doomed to hell if you're an ESTJ but for me, it's definitely a positive step forward. As an ESTJ I was really harsh on myself and others. I held myself to ridiculous and ungodly standards. I wasn't a nice person as an ESTJ (you may be a peach!).

As an ESFJ, I feel liberated and validated! I am so excited to feel, to empathize, to need the presence of others on a deeper level. Bless my husband's introverted heart for putting up with me!

What is your MB personality type? What strengths and weaknesses do you have or struggle with? How have you changed throughout the years?

I'm thankful for that little F.

But I also blame hormones.