Lessons in Parenting

I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.

A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.

A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!

Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.

Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"

Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!

But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.

You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.

That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!

Now, what did we do differently?

We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!

If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!

5/25

"I am 16, going on 17...." You know you love the Sound of Music!

Speaking of getting older and wiser, my 29th year has started off with a bang in that department. It's always fun to learn and grow to have a better understanding of things - human nature, money, love, relationships, health, etc. 

I recently ran across Warren Buffett's 5/25 rule and REALLY need to let this soak in or I'll lose more years than I gain with every birthday. 

Have you heard of this? 

What are the top 25 things you love? Rank them. What are the top 5 things of those top 25 that you SUPER love? Maybe you love starting businesses but you SUPER love building websites - find a way to make them both work. Maybe you want to learn how to play an instrument but you SUPER love simply listening to music - say "yes" to more concerts! Maybe you love someone and put a lot of effort into making it work but realize your well being is a SUPER love - ditch them. Maybe you love your job and like the path your career is taking you but you SUPER love your family.... evaluate what's going on there or find a way to get them both in your Top 5.

In order to focus on the Top 5, we must clear off and say "no" to the other 20 so the distraction is eliminated. 

Maybe bed rest has my mind a little too freed up to be thinking about such things but, I'm excited to start saying "NO" to those things that will take small moments or maybe even years away from me - lost hours of sleep, lost time with friends and family, lost chances for improved well being. 

When Change is a Good Thing

You know those really fun, but often really cheesy Facebook quizzes that are always popping up on your news feed? I took one. Well, okay that's a lie, I've taken a million. I can't help it! I'm addicted to learning more about me - from what my favorite color says about my parenting style to what fast food joint lines up with my zodiac sign -  how narcissistic is that? I don't care. Keep your judgement to yourself.

Anyways, one in particular got me thinking! It was spot on, as most are (except the one about the fast food place because it said McDonald's aligned with my zodiac {Leo} and if you know me, you know I wouldn't be caught DEAD at a McDonald's... sorry, not sorry).

This was based on the Myers Briggs personality typology. I had taken the full MB test as a freshman in college ... too many years ago... and it was interesting to see how my results varied!

There was one BIG variance. When I took the test the first time, I was an ESTJ - extroverted, sensing, thinking, judging type. Which really makes sense for that time in my life. See, I had a tendency to be a little sh** sometimes - hard to believe, right? Don't answer that.

Needless to say, I was more than pleased with my new 4-letter personality type. And no, it wasn't the S word!

My results the other day were ESFJ - extroverted, sensing, FEELING, judging. And you know what I blame for that little F?

Hormones.

Kidding, but really... If I really dial it back and think about the root cause of the change, my husband pops into my head. I think the change happened when I fell in love with him. (Yes, layering on the cheese here). It was the moment that I finally gave up all {{most}} of my selfish ways, the moment I really began to lean on someone and to open my whole heart up to the vulnerability of LOVE.

Comparing the two personality types in my head, given my life experiences, while only one letter different, makes it seem like such a HUGE change. You're not doomed to hell if you're an ESTJ but for me, it's definitely a positive step forward. As an ESTJ I was really harsh on myself and others. I held myself to ridiculous and ungodly standards. I wasn't a nice person as an ESTJ (you may be a peach!).

As an ESFJ, I feel liberated and validated! I am so excited to feel, to empathize, to need the presence of others on a deeper level. Bless my husband's introverted heart for putting up with me!

What is your MB personality type? What strengths and weaknesses do you have or struggle with? How have you changed throughout the years?

I'm thankful for that little F.

But I also blame hormones.

Just stop.

I am so sad for the world that my babies will have to grow up in. Pregnant with baby girl and having a 21 month old makes you feel things you never thought you would feel. Has every past generation been in such fear for their future children's lives?

I know social media exploits everything and, maybe ignorance is bliss but, this is where we come in.

We can be the change.

We don't have to "share" that post favoring one side or the other - even if it's positive! Just stop. We don't have to make opinionated comments when someone says something about praying for a situation. Just stop and pray. We are ALL entitled to our own opinion but where the entitlement has taken everyone is just beyond my comprehension. There shouldn't even be sides. If all my Facebook feed consisted of was friends trying to sell their businesses, puppies, bible verses and funny meme's, I would be okay with that. The ONLY time your voice should be heard is when you're speaking in love.

No, that doesn't mean we all have to sit in a circle and sing "Kumbaya" together around a campfire. I'll be the first to admit that some people just downright get on my nerves. It doesn't mean I hate them or that I am going to berate them in front of others or on social media and it certainly doesn't mean I am going to shoot them.

I had a teacher who used to say, with utmost confidence, "Don't bitch about something unless you're going to do something about it!" While that's not the most appropriate declaration for a high school teacher to make, it actually holds a lot of truth. However, that particular action or truth is skewed in today's society. Doing something about "it" doesn't mean returning hate with hate or acting as if you're superior or even inferior.  It doesn't even mean commenting on a post to feel like a contributing member of society. You're not contributing.

Stop comparing cards and weighing sides. Be the change. Just stop. Choose love.

20 months and 20 weeks

I can't believe we are already half way through this pregnancy. I say "we" because, while I'm clearly the one growing our sweet baby L, it takes my little village to keep the wheels on the bus. 

It's been a very good and easy pregnancy aside from a few things- more morning sickness than with Bubba in the first trimester, more exhaustion due to keeping up with our 20 month old's ever expanding personality (and wants, needs, demands!), and the early onset of the "bump" that my body decided was OK to produce. 

I will say this... Girls are SO different from little boys. There is so much STUFF out there that you feel you need. And deciding on a nursery theme and decor, well I'll just go ahead and admit I have done nothing. 

All that to say, we are so excited to meet our sweet baby girl and are ready for this whole new adventure of raising a daughter... I think!