Just stop.

I am so sad for the world that my babies will have to grow up in. Pregnant with baby girl and having a 21 month old makes you feel things you never thought you would feel. Has every past generation been in such fear for their future children's lives?

I know social media exploits everything and, maybe ignorance is bliss but, this is where we come in.

We can be the change.

We don't have to "share" that post favoring one side or the other - even if it's positive! Just stop. We don't have to make opinionated comments when someone says something about praying for a situation. Just stop and pray. We are ALL entitled to our own opinion but where the entitlement has taken everyone is just beyond my comprehension. There shouldn't even be sides. If all my Facebook feed consisted of was friends trying to sell their businesses, puppies, bible verses and funny meme's, I would be okay with that. The ONLY time your voice should be heard is when you're speaking in love.

No, that doesn't mean we all have to sit in a circle and sing "Kumbaya" together around a campfire. I'll be the first to admit that some people just downright get on my nerves. It doesn't mean I hate them or that I am going to berate them in front of others or on social media and it certainly doesn't mean I am going to shoot them.

I had a teacher who used to say, with utmost confidence, "Don't bitch about something unless you're going to do something about it!" While that's not the most appropriate declaration for a high school teacher to make, it actually holds a lot of truth. However, that particular action or truth is skewed in today's society. Doing something about "it" doesn't mean returning hate with hate or acting as if you're superior or even inferior.  It doesn't even mean commenting on a post to feel like a contributing member of society. You're not contributing.

Stop comparing cards and weighing sides. Be the change. Just stop. Choose love.

20 months and 20 weeks

I can't believe we are already half way through this pregnancy. I say "we" because, while I'm clearly the one growing our sweet baby L, it takes my little village to keep the wheels on the bus. 

It's been a very good and easy pregnancy aside from a few things- more morning sickness than with Bubba in the first trimester, more exhaustion due to keeping up with our 20 month old's ever expanding personality (and wants, needs, demands!), and the early onset of the "bump" that my body decided was OK to produce. 

I will say this... Girls are SO different from little boys. There is so much STUFF out there that you feel you need. And deciding on a nursery theme and decor, well I'll just go ahead and admit I have done nothing. 

All that to say, we are so excited to meet our sweet baby girl and are ready for this whole new adventure of raising a daughter... I think! 

Promise I'll Shut-up

So, I need to get something off my chest, then I swear I will shut up.

The past few months have been rough, as per my previous post. I've learned some really tough lessons and I am trying to chalk it all up to "growing pains" and not that I potentially suck at life. At 28 years old, I still don't have my ish together it seems.

The home-run hitter was hearing that being quiet is best. Shutting up to let someone talk, not trying to finish their sentences and predict the outcome, is the best way to earn someone's trust. Who knew?!?!

Funny enough - it says to shut up in the Bible, too ... kind of. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still. Hush. Don't move. Listen. Learn. Reflect. Meditate.

It's really hard for someone who likes to talk, to not talk. I wouldn't say I like to hear myself talk because, well, that's just weird, but talking is like "my thing."

So, I've been practicing. I've taken the measures necessary to practice active listening without being an overbearing loud mouth. I've learned so much with this one simple act. I've learned about different body languages and voice tones, thought processes and personal preferences. I've seen conflicts resolve themselves and I've learned that not everyone wants to talk, but it's amazing how much more people open up to you with just that one small act - shutting up.

It's also pretty amazing the way God reveals Himself to you when you're still, patiently waiting for his response. He is good, all the time. All the time, He is good.

And the cherry on top - People value a good, active listener.

Strange Things....

Have you been a certain way your whole life? Maybe you're extremely type A. Maybe you're career-driven. Maybe you're a foodie. Maybe you can't skip a day at the gym (or can't make it to the gym).

But then one day... maybe you're not that anymore. Things seem off. Something doesn't feel right. Your preferences change. Your outlook on life is different. Your priorities take a shift.

What a crazy, scary, hard thing to deal with! When over the course of a few months, your life suddenly seems like a foreign place, you know something is up.

Well, friends, I'm actually recovering from this and I am working towards accepting the 'new' me.

I was the little girl who played cash register, not house. I was the one who constantly role-played with Barbie and friend's about crazy-fun nights out, riding around in our Barbie convertible. I was the one creating check-lists and forms. I was the one playing dress-up with gowns and high heels, not aprons and flats.

These days, almost 17 months post-partum (yes, I have a 17 month old!), I realize that I am not who I once was. Obviously, I'm not 7 years old anymore but, seriously, at first it was very overwhelming. I didn't know what was wrong. I thought I was having a a mini mid-life crisis! I wasn't sure why I was feeling the way I was and I blamed everyone else. I was mad, angry, sad, confused and thought I had what felt like depression.

I prayed, I sought God's word, I read Jen Hatmaker's book "For the Love" (get it!)... and then, after months and months, the pieces started to fall into place. God's plan is unfolding before my very eyes and I am not shutting them for anything. His masterful ways are good and the affirmation I feel is that of abounding love. He loves me. He is taking care of my 28 year old mom-butt just like he did my 7 year old tiny-hiney.

If there seems to be a storm in your heart... Please hang tight! The beautiful life God has in store for you is just around the corner... even if it's not what you ever dreamed! Keep following your gut, be on the lookout for "God winks", and stay true to your heart... even in all of the chaos and confusion!

Stay tuned for more about these changes and ways of dealing with times like these.

A Servant's Heart

I saw this on facebook this morning and just had to share. 

Lately, I've been feeling very empty. I couldn't quite figure it out. I thought I was still going through waves of post-partum (which may be true) or figured maybe I was just being a baby or thought I just needed a change of attitude...WELL, turns out, the feeling of emptiness is caused by not having anything left to give.

I am a natural giver. It's gotten me into trouble with myself a time or two. I give until I have nothing left. I also give and wonder why the other person, people, job, whatever aren't appreciative anymore. It's almost like they are used to it and maybe don't realize they are sucking the life out of me??? It's a vicious cycle and it's very hard to know when E is approaching. It's not easy to self-regulate what you have left to give.

I realize that the way I feel should not and cannot be controlled by others actions (or lack thereof). I know that I have to take matters into my own hands to start to feel better, to feel more full.

So, instead of waiting on others to start appreciating me again, I'm practicing and praying for my servant heart to return. In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I'm focusing on those who I should have a servant's heart towards - my family and friends. I'm hoping to get back to my normal - being happy and joyful to serve others - very soon. 

But on the other hand - we can only take so much....#AmIRight ????