Strange Things....

Have you been a certain way your whole life? Maybe you're extremely type A. Maybe you're career-driven. Maybe you're a foodie. Maybe you can't skip a day at the gym (or can't make it to the gym).

But then one day... maybe you're not that anymore. Things seem off. Something doesn't feel right. Your preferences change. Your outlook on life is different. Your priorities take a shift.

What a crazy, scary, hard thing to deal with! When over the course of a few months, your life suddenly seems like a foreign place, you know something is up.

Well, friends, I'm actually recovering from this and I am working towards accepting the 'new' me.

I was the little girl who played cash register, not house. I was the one who constantly role-played with Barbie and friend's about crazy-fun nights out, riding around in our Barbie convertible. I was the one creating check-lists and forms. I was the one playing dress-up with gowns and high heels, not aprons and flats.

These days, almost 17 months post-partum (yes, I have a 17 month old!), I realize that I am not who I once was. Obviously, I'm not 7 years old anymore but, seriously, at first it was very overwhelming. I didn't know what was wrong. I thought I was having a a mini mid-life crisis! I wasn't sure why I was feeling the way I was and I blamed everyone else. I was mad, angry, sad, confused and thought I had what felt like depression.

I prayed, I sought God's word, I read Jen Hatmaker's book "For the Love" (get it!)... and then, after months and months, the pieces started to fall into place. God's plan is unfolding before my very eyes and I am not shutting them for anything. His masterful ways are good and the affirmation I feel is that of abounding love. He loves me. He is taking care of my 28 year old mom-butt just like he did my 7 year old tiny-hiney.

If there seems to be a storm in your heart... Please hang tight! The beautiful life God has in store for you is just around the corner... even if it's not what you ever dreamed! Keep following your gut, be on the lookout for "God winks", and stay true to your heart... even in all of the chaos and confusion!

Stay tuned for more about these changes and ways of dealing with times like these.

A Servant's Heart

I saw this on facebook this morning and just had to share. 

Lately, I've been feeling very empty. I couldn't quite figure it out. I thought I was still going through waves of post-partum (which may be true) or figured maybe I was just being a baby or thought I just needed a change of attitude...WELL, turns out, the feeling of emptiness is caused by not having anything left to give.

I am a natural giver. It's gotten me into trouble with myself a time or two. I give until I have nothing left. I also give and wonder why the other person, people, job, whatever aren't appreciative anymore. It's almost like they are used to it and maybe don't realize they are sucking the life out of me??? It's a vicious cycle and it's very hard to know when E is approaching. It's not easy to self-regulate what you have left to give.

I realize that the way I feel should not and cannot be controlled by others actions (or lack thereof). I know that I have to take matters into my own hands to start to feel better, to feel more full.

So, instead of waiting on others to start appreciating me again, I'm practicing and praying for my servant heart to return. In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I'm focusing on those who I should have a servant's heart towards - my family and friends. I'm hoping to get back to my normal - being happy and joyful to serve others - very soon. 

But on the other hand - we can only take so much....#AmIRight ????