5 year old wisdom

When you need some encouragement who do you turn to? Your spouse/significant other? Mom or Dad? Best friend, maybe? Your dog or cat?

I'm happy to say I have many encouraging people in my life but one in particular is my niece. She is more wise than most people at just a mere five years old.

She has my whole heart and keeps me going even when I want to give up - and she doesn't even know she is helping.

My sister sent me a picture of her "I have a dream..." board, in light of MLK day and the upcoming Black History Month. She wrote, in her five year old handwriting, "I hope to be a doctor" and "I hope to read doctor books."

Now, I don't know about you, but my first thought was, "Good luck, kid!" But then I instantly retracted that thought from my head and replaced it with, "She can and she will if that's what she wants because this kid can do anything." She believes and has a faith like  none other.

And after thinking about it a minute, how cool is it that she was able to speak her goals so freely...without the fear of being judged? That's awesome! When I started my boutique people were in awe and wonder. They had no idea it was a dream of mine. And that's really sad...Not being able to freely talk about your goals because someone, somewhere ruined it along the way. I still get a little shy about it, but I'm working on that!

Her innocence is golden and her dreams are like a breath of fresh air. Because of the surety in my niece's statement, I know that we can all do anything. She says she wants to do those things, and she will. I say I want to be a successful mom, blogger and business owner and I will. Surround yourself with people who encourage and lift you up, who tell you that you are pretty even on your worst days, who speak life into your dreams and who lend an ear when you need one.

Oh, and be that person to others!

Adult Nightmares

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion. 

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me. 

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.  

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise. 

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow. 

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful  I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man. 

And goodness if this isn't the truth... 

Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

New Year's Eve Bash

I haven't put up many recipes lately but since I was so impressed with my NYE spread, I thought I'd post a few. Part of my feeling of accomplishment stems from the fact that I made all this yummy goodness while Mini G played, snacked then slept... I was even able to clean up for our get together! I am getting the hang of this working mom thing. I really thought I had stretched myself too thin NYE because I had to go grocery shopping and I had scheduled a haircut and a visit with some family. However, it all came together so nicely and even before our guests arrived!! 

Aside from feeling like super mom, the stuff I made was legitimately delish and easy. Here is the finished product before our guests brought their snacks:

First up... Caress bites! So easy... Use a toothpick and skewer (lot of skewering going on in this post FYI) half a cherry or grape tomato, a folded up basil leaf, and a chunk of super fresh mozzarella. Not pictured (because I forgot to do it)...Drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette. Done and done. 

Next Cheese tortellini skewers (told you)... Boil cheese torts, use some EVOO so they don't stick when you drain them, let them cool. While they sit, mix some light Alfredo sauce and some pesto together. Equal parts will work. Skewer the tortellini (4) and refrigerate everything until time to serve. You could serve them warm, too! 

Then there is the basic Guac, store bought, sorry, but HEB's is the best!! 

Next, the spinach bites; these were my fav!!! Defrost a bag of organic chopped spinach and get out as much water as possible. Finely chop a medium yellow onion.  Melt 1/2 stick of butter. Beat 6 eggs. Combine spinach, eggs, onion, butter into a bowl. Also add in half a package of stuffing mix (chicken or herb flavor), 1 cup of Italian mix shredded cheese, garlic salt and pepper (eyeball it). Roll into 1 inch balls, bake at 350 for 20 mins! 

Next is a fun twist to a party staple- lil' smokies. Wrap the smokies with strips of turkey bacon and skewer (last time) with a toothpick. Top with brown sugar (as best as possible) and bake at 400 degrees for 20 mins. I used 1 1/2 packages of lil smokies and one package of turkey bacon. The first batch was eaten so fast I made the rest shortly after they were gone. 

I set out some basic picante sauce with scoops. 

Last is a Greek dip. It. Is. Perfect. 

2 regular size tubs of hummus (I used garlic flavor because garlic goes hard in my household) spread across the bottom of a glass baking dish. Sliced and quartered seedless cucumber goes on next. Then add diced tomatoes. Next you'll layer on some kalamata olives, feta cheese, and some chopped parsley. Such a pretty and super tasty dip. I love how it's not traditional and it was a hit. It was served chilled with pita chips but it was so flavorful it could have been eaten with celery! 

Okay, enjoy! 

Happy new year!