Lessons in Parenting

I know this title is a little misleading - I mean, let's be honest, this isn't the first lesson I've learned and it definitely won't be the last! But, it is pretty significant in comparison.

A few weeks ago (ok, 4) I was put on bed rest. My initial reaction was more like "whoa is me" and less like "whoa, what about my kid?". The timing of my bed rest sentencing, as is the timing of most unfortunate things, was really... untimely (?) and cramped my style, to say the least.

A week in and I soon realized how it wasn't me who was struggling... it was my littlest man. From being bounced between our house and my in-laws house (thank you!), to school being closed, to more bouncing around, to not being able to hold or play {or wrestle} with him, to starting a new classroom at school with new teachers (same friends, luckily). That's a lot for a little 22 month old to handle!

Boy, was he off! I really thought I had lost my sweet bubbas for good. Temper tantrums, yelling, disobedience, crying for no reason...What in the actual F was going on? If you know my kid, you know that is NOT him... even on his worst days.

Some thoughts that crossed my mind - "Am I a bad mom?" "What is his DEAL?!" "Oh.My.Gosh. we've failed" "All is lost" "I refuse to have a terrible two" "Maybe we should call a behavior specialist" "We need THE NANNY" "Is there a babywise book for toddlers?" {there is!} "Is this the two year molars?"

Of course there were a few bouts of tears on my end, too - I am still pregnant and can only handle so much, people!

But then, the Friday of his first week in his new classroom and my second week of bed rest, I woke up early and said a LONG prayer for God to just help me to help my son. I prayed for wisdom and patience and understanding. I gave all of my frustrations to Him so I wouldn't take it out on our kid. I knew I didn't have the strength to get through another day like they had been and I knew I couldn't fix it alone.

You know what happened? Little bubbas woke up happy, normal. I thought, "Okay, thanks God!" and just crossed my fingers that it was the start of something great.

That evening, we made it a point to stay in (when normally we would go out to eat) and I got down on the floor with him and we played. Daddy joined to save me from the wrestle-fest and there was surprisingly no whining, no crying, no meltdown. He ate his dinner and went to bed like his normal, happy self.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been waiting for!

Now, what did we do differently?

We spent time with him. Instead of getting mad or trying to ignore him because he was mad for no reason {to us, at least}, we listened and we helped him work through his frustrations. We worked on "please" and "thank you" and "help" instead of whining and "no" and crying. We showed him GRACE and we had PATIENCE. What a simple solution!! Ever since then it's been manageable and he has come SO SO FAR. He asks instead of whines, he says "please" and "thank you", he laughs and plays without a melt down in between!

If your kid is struggling - there is a reason - spend time with them. Also, know that you don't have all the strength it takes to get through tough times... give it up and give it to God, it works!

5/25

"I am 16, going on 17...." You know you love the Sound of Music!

Speaking of getting older and wiser, my 29th year has started off with a bang in that department. It's always fun to learn and grow to have a better understanding of things - human nature, money, love, relationships, health, etc. 

I recently ran across Warren Buffett's 5/25 rule and REALLY need to let this soak in or I'll lose more years than I gain with every birthday. 

Have you heard of this? 

What are the top 25 things you love? Rank them. What are the top 5 things of those top 25 that you SUPER love? Maybe you love starting businesses but you SUPER love building websites - find a way to make them both work. Maybe you want to learn how to play an instrument but you SUPER love simply listening to music - say "yes" to more concerts! Maybe you love someone and put a lot of effort into making it work but realize your well being is a SUPER love - ditch them. Maybe you love your job and like the path your career is taking you but you SUPER love your family.... evaluate what's going on there or find a way to get them both in your Top 5.

In order to focus on the Top 5, we must clear off and say "no" to the other 20 so the distraction is eliminated. 

Maybe bed rest has my mind a little too freed up to be thinking about such things but, I'm excited to start saying "NO" to those things that will take small moments or maybe even years away from me - lost hours of sleep, lost time with friends and family, lost chances for improved well being. 

When Change is a Good Thing

You know those really fun, but often really cheesy Facebook quizzes that are always popping up on your news feed? I took one. Well, okay that's a lie, I've taken a million. I can't help it! I'm addicted to learning more about me - from what my favorite color says about my parenting style to what fast food joint lines up with my zodiac sign -  how narcissistic is that? I don't care. Keep your judgement to yourself.

Anyways, one in particular got me thinking! It was spot on, as most are (except the one about the fast food place because it said McDonald's aligned with my zodiac {Leo} and if you know me, you know I wouldn't be caught DEAD at a McDonald's... sorry, not sorry).

This was based on the Myers Briggs personality typology. I had taken the full MB test as a freshman in college ... too many years ago... and it was interesting to see how my results varied!

There was one BIG variance. When I took the test the first time, I was an ESTJ - extroverted, sensing, thinking, judging type. Which really makes sense for that time in my life. See, I had a tendency to be a little sh** sometimes - hard to believe, right? Don't answer that.

Needless to say, I was more than pleased with my new 4-letter personality type. And no, it wasn't the S word!

My results the other day were ESFJ - extroverted, sensing, FEELING, judging. And you know what I blame for that little F?

Hormones.

Kidding, but really... If I really dial it back and think about the root cause of the change, my husband pops into my head. I think the change happened when I fell in love with him. (Yes, layering on the cheese here). It was the moment that I finally gave up all {{most}} of my selfish ways, the moment I really began to lean on someone and to open my whole heart up to the vulnerability of LOVE.

Comparing the two personality types in my head, given my life experiences, while only one letter different, makes it seem like such a HUGE change. You're not doomed to hell if you're an ESTJ but for me, it's definitely a positive step forward. As an ESTJ I was really harsh on myself and others. I held myself to ridiculous and ungodly standards. I wasn't a nice person as an ESTJ (you may be a peach!).

As an ESFJ, I feel liberated and validated! I am so excited to feel, to empathize, to need the presence of others on a deeper level. Bless my husband's introverted heart for putting up with me!

What is your MB personality type? What strengths and weaknesses do you have or struggle with? How have you changed throughout the years?

I'm thankful for that little F.

But I also blame hormones.

Just stop.

I am so sad for the world that my babies will have to grow up in. Pregnant with baby girl and having a 21 month old makes you feel things you never thought you would feel. Has every past generation been in such fear for their future children's lives?

I know social media exploits everything and, maybe ignorance is bliss but, this is where we come in.

We can be the change.

We don't have to "share" that post favoring one side or the other - even if it's positive! Just stop. We don't have to make opinionated comments when someone says something about praying for a situation. Just stop and pray. We are ALL entitled to our own opinion but where the entitlement has taken everyone is just beyond my comprehension. There shouldn't even be sides. If all my Facebook feed consisted of was friends trying to sell their businesses, puppies, bible verses and funny meme's, I would be okay with that. The ONLY time your voice should be heard is when you're speaking in love.

No, that doesn't mean we all have to sit in a circle and sing "Kumbaya" together around a campfire. I'll be the first to admit that some people just downright get on my nerves. It doesn't mean I hate them or that I am going to berate them in front of others or on social media and it certainly doesn't mean I am going to shoot them.

I had a teacher who used to say, with utmost confidence, "Don't bitch about something unless you're going to do something about it!" While that's not the most appropriate declaration for a high school teacher to make, it actually holds a lot of truth. However, that particular action or truth is skewed in today's society. Doing something about "it" doesn't mean returning hate with hate or acting as if you're superior or even inferior.  It doesn't even mean commenting on a post to feel like a contributing member of society. You're not contributing.

Stop comparing cards and weighing sides. Be the change. Just stop. Choose love.

20 months and 20 weeks

I can't believe we are already half way through this pregnancy. I say "we" because, while I'm clearly the one growing our sweet baby L, it takes my little village to keep the wheels on the bus. 

It's been a very good and easy pregnancy aside from a few things- more morning sickness than with Bubba in the first trimester, more exhaustion due to keeping up with our 20 month old's ever expanding personality (and wants, needs, demands!), and the early onset of the "bump" that my body decided was OK to produce. 

I will say this... Girls are SO different from little boys. There is so much STUFF out there that you feel you need. And deciding on a nursery theme and decor, well I'll just go ahead and admit I have done nothing. 

All that to say, we are so excited to meet our sweet baby girl and are ready for this whole new adventure of raising a daughter... I think! 

Promise I'll Shut-up

So, I need to get something off my chest, then I swear I will shut up.

The past few months have been rough, as per my previous post. I've learned some really tough lessons and I am trying to chalk it all up to "growing pains" and not that I potentially suck at life. At 28 years old, I still don't have my ish together it seems.

The home-run hitter was hearing that being quiet is best. Shutting up to let someone talk, not trying to finish their sentences and predict the outcome, is the best way to earn someone's trust. Who knew?!?!

Funny enough - it says to shut up in the Bible, too ... kind of. Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still. Hush. Don't move. Listen. Learn. Reflect. Meditate.

It's really hard for someone who likes to talk, to not talk. I wouldn't say I like to hear myself talk because, well, that's just weird, but talking is like "my thing."

So, I've been practicing. I've taken the measures necessary to practice active listening without being an overbearing loud mouth. I've learned so much with this one simple act. I've learned about different body languages and voice tones, thought processes and personal preferences. I've seen conflicts resolve themselves and I've learned that not everyone wants to talk, but it's amazing how much more people open up to you with just that one small act - shutting up.

It's also pretty amazing the way God reveals Himself to you when you're still, patiently waiting for his response. He is good, all the time. All the time, He is good.

And the cherry on top - People value a good, active listener.

Strange Things....

Have you been a certain way your whole life? Maybe you're extremely type A. Maybe you're career-driven. Maybe you're a foodie. Maybe you can't skip a day at the gym (or can't make it to the gym).

But then one day... maybe you're not that anymore. Things seem off. Something doesn't feel right. Your preferences change. Your outlook on life is different. Your priorities take a shift.

What a crazy, scary, hard thing to deal with! When over the course of a few months, your life suddenly seems like a foreign place, you know something is up.

Well, friends, I'm actually recovering from this and I am working towards accepting the 'new' me.

I was the little girl who played cash register, not house. I was the one who constantly role-played with Barbie and friend's about crazy-fun nights out, riding around in our Barbie convertible. I was the one creating check-lists and forms. I was the one playing dress-up with gowns and high heels, not aprons and flats.

These days, almost 17 months post-partum (yes, I have a 17 month old!), I realize that I am not who I once was. Obviously, I'm not 7 years old anymore but, seriously, at first it was very overwhelming. I didn't know what was wrong. I thought I was having a a mini mid-life crisis! I wasn't sure why I was feeling the way I was and I blamed everyone else. I was mad, angry, sad, confused and thought I had what felt like depression.

I prayed, I sought God's word, I read Jen Hatmaker's book "For the Love" (get it!)... and then, after months and months, the pieces started to fall into place. God's plan is unfolding before my very eyes and I am not shutting them for anything. His masterful ways are good and the affirmation I feel is that of abounding love. He loves me. He is taking care of my 28 year old mom-butt just like he did my 7 year old tiny-hiney.

If there seems to be a storm in your heart... Please hang tight! The beautiful life God has in store for you is just around the corner... even if it's not what you ever dreamed! Keep following your gut, be on the lookout for "God winks", and stay true to your heart... even in all of the chaos and confusion!

Stay tuned for more about these changes and ways of dealing with times like these.

A Servant's Heart

I saw this on facebook this morning and just had to share. 

Lately, I've been feeling very empty. I couldn't quite figure it out. I thought I was still going through waves of post-partum (which may be true) or figured maybe I was just being a baby or thought I just needed a change of attitude...WELL, turns out, the feeling of emptiness is caused by not having anything left to give.

I am a natural giver. It's gotten me into trouble with myself a time or two. I give until I have nothing left. I also give and wonder why the other person, people, job, whatever aren't appreciative anymore. It's almost like they are used to it and maybe don't realize they are sucking the life out of me??? It's a vicious cycle and it's very hard to know when E is approaching. It's not easy to self-regulate what you have left to give.

I realize that the way I feel should not and cannot be controlled by others actions (or lack thereof). I know that I have to take matters into my own hands to start to feel better, to feel more full.

So, instead of waiting on others to start appreciating me again, I'm practicing and praying for my servant heart to return. In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I'm focusing on those who I should have a servant's heart towards - my family and friends. I'm hoping to get back to my normal - being happy and joyful to serve others - very soon. 

But on the other hand - we can only take so much....#AmIRight ???? 

5 year old wisdom

When you need some encouragement who do you turn to? Your spouse/significant other? Mom or Dad? Best friend, maybe? Your dog or cat?

I'm happy to say I have many encouraging people in my life but one in particular is my niece. She is more wise than most people at just a mere five years old.

She has my whole heart and keeps me going even when I want to give up - and she doesn't even know she is helping.

My sister sent me a picture of her "I have a dream..." board, in light of MLK day and the upcoming Black History Month. She wrote, in her five year old handwriting, "I hope to be a doctor" and "I hope to read doctor books."

Now, I don't know about you, but my first thought was, "Good luck, kid!" But then I instantly retracted that thought from my head and replaced it with, "She can and she will if that's what she wants because this kid can do anything." She believes and has a faith like  none other.

And after thinking about it a minute, how cool is it that she was able to speak her goals so freely...without the fear of being judged? That's awesome! When I started my boutique people were in awe and wonder. They had no idea it was a dream of mine. And that's really sad...Not being able to freely talk about your goals because someone, somewhere ruined it along the way. I still get a little shy about it, but I'm working on that!

Her innocence is golden and her dreams are like a breath of fresh air. Because of the surety in my niece's statement, I know that we can all do anything. She says she wants to do those things, and she will. I say I want to be a successful mom, blogger and business owner and I will. Surround yourself with people who encourage and lift you up, who tell you that you are pretty even on your worst days, who speak life into your dreams and who lend an ear when you need one.

Oh, and be that person to others!

Adult Nightmares

Aren't nightmares the worst? You would think an adult would be able to shake it off and get right back to sleep right? Wrong.

I know why I'm still awake at 3:30am... And surprisingly it's not my husband's snoring... It's because this wasn't just a scary dream type nightmare, it was a blast from the past that brought back all sorts of awful feelings and lots of emotion. 

Because of this nightmare, I'm wide awake, reliving the day a person I cared for very deeply drove off in a U haul after being in an on-again, off-again relationship. "That's not so bad," you might be thinking but this person left me heartbroken. I woke up and immediately felt those same feelings. I am sad that I allowed that to happen to myself, knowing full well that the relationship was going no where. I feel angry at this person, again. I feel like I need to reach out to all the young girls in the world and tell them to be strong, bold, and smart.

Sure, I was warned, but how awful that something from so long ago still effects me. 

It has prompted me to send my son an email to an account we set up for him (during normal daytime hours). I plan to explain the whole situation and explain how and why I was hurt so badly.. I don't plan on ragging on this person and don't mean to now. I just want my son to understand how wrong it was for this person to let things go as long as they did, as intimately as they did, all the while he knew he wasn't going to stay or even ask me to go with him when he decided to relocate. Hopefully he can glean something from the story... like how making decisions to be with someone or not and how a particular decision, that can potentially have a lasting effect on someone, is not to be taken lightly.  

It's not the person I am missing, it's not even about missing anyone or about this person at all. It's simple - guys- don't lead girls on. It's not nice. It hurts a lot. And it effects them for years to come (sadly). And that really sucks. People are fragile. They bruise easily, even if they tell you otherwise. 

I asked this person to never contact me again if they decided to drive off that day. He drove off. We communicated via linked in once... and his attitude was that of someone who didn't realize the weight of what they had done. Since then I haven't even thought about him, but the hurt is still there. But why is it so painful? It's just the principal of it all. No one deserves to be treated that way. I should have been stronger and wiser at this point in my life, but I wasn't.

My only wish now is hopefully someone benefits from this post somehow. 

It's okay to walk away from something knowing it won't workout. It's so hard. So so hard. But God totally has a million other things waiting for you that are ten times better than anything you can imagine. If even the slightest thing feels wrong, please move on. Don't force anything because you have your whole life to work at a marriage with someone who is deserving of your time, attention, efforts and love. Plus, if you do move on before getting hurt, you won't be where I am years later, wide awake at 3:45am reminiscing about all the ways you saw it coming and all the heartbreak that came with wanting something that wasn't worth it. However, I am also counting my blessings and realizing for the billionth time how eternally grateful  I am for the man I get to call my husband and father to my son. He is a wonderful example of a man. 

And goodness if this isn't the truth... 

Thirty & Thriving

I'm writing this a few days early because it seems like everything else for my husband's 30th birthday has been put off or put on hold. I also know deep down, this is the best gift I can give him...A kind word of affirmation is one of his strongest love languages and one I fail at daily.

To my husband on his birthday,

While I know that I may drive you to your wits end more often than not, please know that my love for you has no bounds. I have made many mistakes in my life and since being your wife but marrying you has never been one of them. I am proud of your hard work and support of our family, your drive is second to none. I am thankful for the unconditional love you show me and baby G, what an amazing example you are to our family, and without it you surely would have kicked my butt to the curb by now. I am in awe of your willingness to try when things are tough since it's usually me who is pushing back and making things worse. I am so lucky that your patience and tolerance is greater than most, you make our home a whole lot calmer and I know baby G is a happy camper because of it. I appreciate your support of my goals, dreams and ambitions no matter how off the wall or crazy they may seem.

You are my everything even though I know you shouldn't be.

The past year was pretty uneventful when compared to others we've shared together. Unfortunately for you, I thrive on events and milestones (and maybe some chaos) so this one was a little rocky as I stirred the pot many times, ultimately creating unnecessary drama (no surprise there). However, through all the messes I've made, you've stuck by me and continually taught me new things. I learned this past year that even though you are my husband and one of my best friends, you aren't required (or supposed) to be my counselor, teacher, mentor, boss, coworker, peer, subordinate, maid, babysitter, cook, chauffeur, personal assistant, priest, father, or my sole-source-support-system. That's why God created community.

I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel inadequate. You really are my perfect portion...I just get greedy and needy sometimes, my issue - not yours.

There are so many things you don't realize you're signing up for on your wedding day, so many vows taken that aren't stated. This year, I vow to only ask that you be my husband and G's 'dada' and I promise not to overstep that boundary. Even though you are more than capable of being all things to all people, I want to bring the stress notch down a few and enjoy the next 100 years with you. I also promise to practice what I'm preaching... words of affirmation are on the top of my gift list to you accompanied by intentionally showing you love in all the other ways you receive it! I vow to listen with my ears open and my mouth shut, to try to be as tidy as possible (I said try), and to trust your 'husbanding' skills above my own stubbornness.

While personally I feel that 29 was an incredible growth year for you and us, I think 30 is going to be your best year yet. You've accomplished so much, so hopefully I can contribute to the greatness that I know 30 will bring you.

Many wishes on your big day. I love you with everything that I am and everything I want to be, simply put - your wife (and baby momma).

Here's to being thirty and thriving!

A Mom, A Sister and A BFF....

A mom, a sister, and a BFF walk into a bar...

Not really but I guess that could be real life?

I recently posted about how my husband cannot be all things to me. To fill in the huge gaps, I have my mom, my sister and my BFF.

My mom, my sister and my BFF are three people I don't praise enough. While my husband, my son and my dad are rightly deserving of my time, attention, and love riddled posts, these three women are three of the many pillars that hold me up.

My mom is like that old friend - you know, the one you don't have to see or talk to all the time but is there when you need her. Conversations with my mom, when there are no distractions and there is a significant topic to cover, are fruitful, calming, comforting, and usually eye opening. We don't have the picture perfect mother/daughter relationship ie. we don't take selfies together. We butt heads. We tell each other things in not always pleasant tones. However, we both know that we love each other with everything we have. I know that I can call her, day or night, and rant or rave about any number of things and she will listen and provide the best feedback (even if it's nothing at all). We understand one another. We stick up for one another. We support one another. We listen to one another. We help one another.

My sister is in a category all on her own. Not because she is just THAT fantastic, but I think sisters deserve their own category. She is different than a mom, and not quite like a BFF. She comprises many of those two people in one - maybe it's because she is older??? This woman is like my "mom-idol". She is seriously the best at all things baby and she is the most creative and involved teacher I know. There is no way in heck I would have survived "mom year 1"...and my son's birthday party would have looked like an epic pinterest fail without her. I look up to her because of our differences... there are many. I've learned to embrace those differences because that's when I learn the most. I like to think we compliment each other...maybe that's because I'm younger? We will never be the same and I wouldn't want it any other way. She keeps me rational, sticks up for me, validates my complaints, lets me make mistakes, is there for me when I do, and I can always count on her to boss me around... even as I approach the age of 30. I wouldn't want it any other way.

My BFF is not your run-of-the-mill kind of girl. She is a selfless, transparent, empowering, and an all together beautiful human being. The amount of "real" I can be with her may be scary to some, but it is such a relief, and it's not just because I've known her half my life. Knowing she can easily call me a selfish brat while at the same time making me feel like a million bucks (which happens about 4 times a week) but finds a way to do it with such grace, is pretty damn special. But on the reals, her friendship is one of a kind. Her ability to uplift, help rationalize, and lend a listening ear is second to none and HOPEFULLY she feels the same about me. This BFF thing should definitely be 50/50. If you don't have one of these, pray for one, because everyone needs one!

The common denominator in all three of these amazing women, is their importance to me. I am very thankful for them, their love and their support. They each bring a special element of perspective into my life and have all taught me so much about "things" and myself.

New Year's Eve Bash

I haven't put up many recipes lately but since I was so impressed with my NYE spread, I thought I'd post a few. Part of my feeling of accomplishment stems from the fact that I made all this yummy goodness while Mini G played, snacked then slept... I was even able to clean up for our get together! I am getting the hang of this working mom thing. I really thought I had stretched myself too thin NYE because I had to go grocery shopping and I had scheduled a haircut and a visit with some family. However, it all came together so nicely and even before our guests arrived!! 

Aside from feeling like super mom, the stuff I made was legitimately delish and easy. Here is the finished product before our guests brought their snacks:

First up... Caress bites! So easy... Use a toothpick and skewer (lot of skewering going on in this post FYI) half a cherry or grape tomato, a folded up basil leaf, and a chunk of super fresh mozzarella. Not pictured (because I forgot to do it)...Drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette. Done and done. 

Next Cheese tortellini skewers (told you)... Boil cheese torts, use some EVOO so they don't stick when you drain them, let them cool. While they sit, mix some light Alfredo sauce and some pesto together. Equal parts will work. Skewer the tortellini (4) and refrigerate everything until time to serve. You could serve them warm, too! 

Then there is the basic Guac, store bought, sorry, but HEB's is the best!! 

Next, the spinach bites; these were my fav!!! Defrost a bag of organic chopped spinach and get out as much water as possible. Finely chop a medium yellow onion.  Melt 1/2 stick of butter. Beat 6 eggs. Combine spinach, eggs, onion, butter into a bowl. Also add in half a package of stuffing mix (chicken or herb flavor), 1 cup of Italian mix shredded cheese, garlic salt and pepper (eyeball it). Roll into 1 inch balls, bake at 350 for 20 mins! 

Next is a fun twist to a party staple- lil' smokies. Wrap the smokies with strips of turkey bacon and skewer (last time) with a toothpick. Top with brown sugar (as best as possible) and bake at 400 degrees for 20 mins. I used 1 1/2 packages of lil smokies and one package of turkey bacon. The first batch was eaten so fast I made the rest shortly after they were gone. 

I set out some basic picante sauce with scoops. 

Last is a Greek dip. It. Is. Perfect. 

2 regular size tubs of hummus (I used garlic flavor because garlic goes hard in my household) spread across the bottom of a glass baking dish. Sliced and quartered seedless cucumber goes on next. Then add diced tomatoes. Next you'll layer on some kalamata olives, feta cheese, and some chopped parsley. Such a pretty and super tasty dip. I love how it's not traditional and it was a hit. It was served chilled with pita chips but it was so flavorful it could have been eaten with celery! 

Okay, enjoy! 

Happy new year!