Life of the Unemployed

Well, I have been unemployed now for 4 weeks. That is the longest I haven’t worked since I was 16, minus my freshman year of college! Now I am an old woman! Almost 25, people!!!

Roll your eyes, I know you want to…

Anyways, life’s been really busy, actually (would you expect anything less from me?) and the last 4 weeks have FLOWN by. My most favorite thing about being off has been meeting new people and reconnecting with old friends. It’s amazing what you can learn from your family, friends, and other people in your life. I haven’t written anything in months I feel like and that makes me sad.

So what was I thinking when I quit my job, you might ask? I have no idea but I know that it was the right decision. My heart has never been surer of something. And now…dun dun dun… its creeping back into the unsure area.

“What now?” you might ask next. In fact, many of you have asked…and my answer is “I have no idea!” Here are the options that I have considered:

-          Finding a job here in SA – in industry

-          Finding a job here in SA – in public accounting

-          Taking one of two possible opportunities in D

-          Going BACK to school (holy!) for my PhD in organizational development…because what else would I get?

-          Starting my own business….uhhhh that’s kind of a stretch

-          Becoming a hippy

-          Becoming a gypsy and just traveling around in Lexi until the repo man comes haha

That’s about all I’ve come up with.

So for the more interesting part of all this -the art (really a struggle) of waiting on the Lord. I have never actually done that… I don’t think…wait… nope… definitely not. I’ve always done what I want. I’ve always just consumed myself in LIFE STUFF and never just sat and asked… ”Lord, what’s the deal? What’s the plan, man? What the heck am I doing with my life?” Maybe I’ve asked the last one before but never sat long enough to figure out the answer.

And so, for those of you so eager to know what I’m doing with my life, I wish I could tell you. I haven’t quite gotten the “go ahead” on anything. However, I’ve done my due diligence in applying for more than a dozen jobs in SA, seeking out information on graduate/doctoral programs, and meeting with people in D. All that’s really left to do is wait for clarity. Waiting is really, REALLY hard. Haha I used to think that living in the Victorian or Renaissance era would be cool (because of the awesome clothes) until someone pointed out the fact that I am a huge proponent of instant gratification and back then nothing was instant. So, yes, waiting is a challenge. But it’s been good (I think???). I’ve grown a lot actually. Been weeding out negative/bad things, working through personal things, and taking time to sit back and smell the roses (or the coffee, since half my time is spent at Starbucks, my “office” if you will).

 I know that God’s plan is the only plan I should have my eyes on. Deciphering between what is God’s will, what are my personal wants, and what is Satan’s way of confusing the heck out of me is the biggest obstacle.

So for now, I am going to enjoy my time off, visit friends, try to do a bit of traveling, plan my Hawaii vacation, get in shape mentally, physically, and emotionally, pray for direction and clarity, and hope that it all works out before the money runs out! (Prayers greatly appreciated!)

Who are you?

"If you want to know me, you have to know this...."

What would you say? What do you stand for? Believe in? Feel? Care about?

Is it all for you and only you? Do you only do what you want to do because that's how you perceive "living life to the fullest"?

Do you have a pretty good idea that who you are is God's magnificent creation?

What about what you do? Is it God's will? Do you know what God's will for your life is?

Is there a burning desire for something/someone that you've never been able to over come?

Ever thought about why it's there?

What would you tell someone if they wanted to know you? What is in your heart? Who are you?

Just some questions I've been asking myself lately as I find myself having to tell people about who I am. Whether I am meeting someone in a social setting, over coffee, in a business meeting, at a networking event, etc....I find that I am the only person who represents me.

If you want to know me, you have to know this...I love God, my family and friends; I'm a tenacious firecracker who doesn't give up easily; I LOVE, love; I'm a listener and a talker; I feel too much sometimes, care too much all the time, and definitely do NOT have things figured out; I'm a desperate wanderer still trying to figure out what God's plan is; I am new to the practice of taking life a day at a time.

Happy Birthday to my BFF!

Two years ago today, the good Lord blessed our entire family with the most beautiful thing to ever walk the earth. My niece - Z. I remember leaving the night time Easter service Saturday night, April 3^rd 2010 and getting a text from my brother in law that they were on the way to the hospital. I was told to hang tight until they admitted my sister into the hospital. I didn’t sleep a wink. Got in the car at 5am, hauled butt to San Antonio from Dallas, and made it within 45 minutes of her birth. It was love at first sight – and a huge stream of tears. 

On my way to work this morning a song by Nichole Nordeman & Amy Grant came on and it made me cry! It’s called “I’m With You” and it’s perfect. In December of 2010, before she was even a year old, I knew that my niece would fill a huge void that no one ever would. This describes a bit of what was going on in my heart at the time:

“Love is a hurricane in a blue sky
I didn’t see it coming, never knew why
All the laughter and the dreams
All the memories in between
Washed away in a steady stream

Love is a hunger; a famine in your soul
I thought I planted beauty, but it would never grow.
Now I’m on my hands and knees
trying to gather up my dreams
trying to hold on to anything”

But then when the dust settled and my prayers for filling a void were answered – all I saw was Z. And now I feel like this:

“You do your best to build a higher wall
To keep love safe from any wrecking ball
When the dust has cleared, we will
See the house that love rebuilds
Guarding beauty that lives here still

It’s you and me, me and you
Where you go I’ll go too
I’m with you, I’m with you
Until your heart, finds a home
I won’t let you feel alone
I’m with you, I’m with you

Who can say I’m left with nothing
When I have all of you, all of you, yeah
In the way you’ve always loved me
I remember. He does too”

Even though she is only 2 and probably just thinks of me as her awesome T Jess - I will never let Z go a day without knowing she is loved and that God will always be her rock – preschool, kinder, middle, even worse high school, college, down the aisle, and beyond – until the day I die. 

She is so intelligent, can carry a full conversation with you, she is witty, funny, charming, a little woman, beautiful inside and out, has big brown eyes yearning to know all about everything, an amazing imagination, a servants heart, and a particular kindness that you don’t see very often. And she is only 2! This kid is incredible. I am so proud to be her Aunt. 

Happy birthday, little woman!

Music

Too bad I'm not musically inclined because music speaks so incredibly loud to me! 

I just downloaded some songs my BFF in high school and I used to listen to, really loud, driving too fast down the highway. But they brought back so many memories, good and bad. 

I always associate songs with certain time periods or people or situations. Do you do this?  I am really moved by music. 

Hmm that's all :) 

Trip update and random thoughts.

These things never go the way I anticipate!


Once again, blogging on a plane.....kind of... On and off... In a car, plane, on a couch, etc.

Trying to download angry birds for the 2 year old to play while flying! Kids today haha just kidding I think it's cool she knows how to operate an iPad and iPhone. There are actually some cool apps for kids!

We got delayed once. Suck. However, I would rather get delayed than fly into the tornados and hail that ended up occurring right outside Detroit.

So three things so far....1. My new baby cousin is super cute! 2 days old when we saw him! 2. Old stories are fun! 3. Uh....super annoyed by social media and the fact that people use it to promote something awesome and worthwhile then screw it up by getting thrown in jail.

I feel even more dumb because I promoted the KONY 2012 video. I don't doubt  the organization is legit or beneficial. I just should have educated myself before following the trend. My eyes were opened when a few articles surfaced about invisible children and their leadership. That's all I'm going to say.

Well trip is off to a good start. Seen a lot of people. Heard a lot of good stories. Glad I came even though I was stressed about work.

I think it's awesome that the friends my dad had growing up, he is still able to pick up where he left off with. The stories are awesome, wholesome or not, haha and it just gets me thinking.... Why don't I live my life in a way that it will be a lesson to others? I know some things will be, or I hope because I didn't go through it all for nothing!  But good and bad experiences, everything happens for a reason. I know my dad lived his life for a reason and one day realized the hope he had for his kids. I don't have kids but I am realizing that I have the same hope. A hope for a fuller life, for more opportunities, for more experiences....etc, for others, and, still, even myself.

I want to live a story. Something I can write about-not blog! I want to see the world and not let money or responsibility deter every fun experience I could potentially have... Except sky diving and bungee jumping, no thanks! I want to be the one telling the stories one day!

I pray about that a lot. Purpose. I want to know I've impacted someone's life. Not for selfish reasons.  I don't need to be famous or "special" in anyone's book.  Not having kids, its hard to imagine whose life i will impact, but I have hope.

This brings me to my next point... Is being hopeful a fault? I have so much hope in so many things that I sometimes think it's to my detriment.

But I always remember there is hope in my heart for a reason .... Thus, why I continue to hope!....

Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans for a hope and a future' "

He DECLARED it.... So it must be for real!